Post # 1
FI and I got engaged christmas last year (yay!) and FI’s oldest sister (he has two older) has a boy who will be two this year on boxing day. Anyway in January this year FSIL was talking about having another baby in Feb/March 2013, I told her we were thinking of getting married in late March, but at that stage we hadn’t set the date as yet.
So we set the date in April this year as 23 March 2013, and told our families. So last weekend FSIL and her husband came over to visit us and told us they were pregnant. Of course we congratulated them and asked when the due date was…March 15th. I said well that wasn’t very good timing, and FI said well we’ll still be partying on whether you’re there or not. They understood and there was no bad feelings.
But honestly, couldn’t she have waited a month or two? Or gotten in a month earlier? I mean I realise that they’re not going to stop living their lives just because we’re getting married but couldn’t have she put a little bit more thought into the date? I should also point out the FSIL husband was oblivious to our wedding date, so he didn’t realise how it might clash. Obsiously FSIL neglected to tell him our date, which to me is really low considering her due date.
I’m not angry (I admit I was a bit at first) our wedding has never been of big excitement in their family, to be honest nothing is really exciting to them. But I just feel like our special day means nothing to them.
On another note I have asked my brother and FI’s other sister to do readings at our ceremony. I was going to ask both of FI’s sister prior to finding out about the pregnancy, but now as the prengant FSIL might not even be at the wedding I’m not going to ask her.
Overall there is no way I am going to let whether FSIL is attending the wedding or not ruin my day. Neither am I going to let her steal the limelight away from FI and I, it’s out day!
Sorry Bee’s, just needed to get my frustrations out!
Post # 3
You know that getting pregnant can be a toss-up sometimes, right? Like, you can try for months and nothing happens and then suddenly it does (or conversely, you plan to start trying and realise it’s going to take months, but it happens right away). I doubt they planned it this way…
Post # 4
While I understand there may be other family feelings and experiences wrapped up in this, it seems unlikely that they somehow planned to upstage you on your day by having a baby a week before. If I were you, I would just tell them you’d love to see them on your wedding day if they can make it, but you understand if they can’t. And then drop the issue.
Post # 5
I know you just want to vent but this seems a little crazy. Of course your wedding matters, but she’s bringing a child into the world. She may have been trying to get pregnant for months. There’s no way to plan something like this.
Post # 6
I would like to think that they didn’t plan it this way but the fact that she said they were planning on having another one in Feb/Mar?! I guess I’m just a bit frustrated that everything has worked out this way.
Post # 7
Sorry your feeling that way
Post # 8
Seriously? You expect someone to put off a human life to better suit your own wants? That’s not kosher any way you can possibly look at it!!!It does not affect your wedding in any way, it will not take away your thunder, it has nothing to do with you in the least.
Post # 9
I just reread your post and they initially mentioned Feb/March before you had actually set your date anyway. It could be that they had reasons for wanting to have a baby around that time (just as an example, depending where you live, it can be much more comfortable to be pregnant in the winter).
It’s totally okay to feel frustrated about how things turned out, because of course you want everything to be perfect and to go as planned. But honestly, this won’t be the only bump in the road in terms of wedding planning, and it does at least mean you get a new niece or nephew out of it, which is nice.
Post # 10
@WhiteWedding: No I do no expect someone to put off human life! I just think the timing is bad. It actually does affect our wedding because she might not be able to come, and it would be nice to have ALL our family at our wedding because they are important to us. My gosh! I just wanted to get my frustrated feelings out not tell FSIL how to live her life!
Post # 11
i really hope that you did a much better job of congratulating them on her pregnancy than you wrote here. read it back. it sounds as though you said immediately ‘well that wasn’t very good timing, and FI said well we’ll still be partying on whether you’re there or not. They understood and there was no bad feelings.’
let me tell you – if someone had THAT to say to me after me sharing the news of my pregnancy, i would probably put a smile on and pretend something really rotten hadn’t been said and then think ‘wtf was THAT!’ imagine if someone said that to you in a few years, if you were excited about being pregnant… yikes.
as everyone already said, they had been planning on getting pregnant and why on earth should they have to wait months as you said; when there’s no guarantee of getting pregnant month to month?
i would take it all in, count to ten, and then never voice that you think that they were somehow in bad taste to get pregnant at this time to anyone ever again.
Post # 12
@motionless: “Anyway in January this year FSIL was talking about having another baby in Feb/March 2013, I told her we were thinking of getting married in late March, but at that stage we hadn’t set the date as yet.”
I would try no to let it upset you. They did inform you BEFORE you set your wedding date that they were trying/going to conceive. In my opinion, I would ask her to do a reading at your wedding that way she doesn’t feel left out. If she can’t make it at least you were thoughtful enough to include her.
Post # 13
Well, iarebridezilla & co. will flip on this.
But, are you kidding me?!?!?!
Why should she have waited to create human life for your wedding?!?!?
Sister, you’ve got some serious nerve.
Post # 14
@motionless: A lot of couple’s have trouble conceiving and there is no guarentee as to when the conception will occur, unlike a wedding where you can actually decide the date. Congratulations on your wedding, but don’t hold your FSIL pregnancy against her!
Post # 15
Post # 16
As someone who has had many friends and family go through fertility issues, I am shocked to have read what you wrote. Even if she did not have any problems conceiving, you have an awful lot of nerve to even think that your wedding takes precedence over everyone else’s lives.