Feeling like SO judges my spending

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Laurenplusalex:  To be honest, after reading your previous thread, I would be the same way as your fiance. Little things add up, and when you have a significant amount of debt that’s putting that kind of a burden on you, then…. I’d just do what I needed to pay it off.

But a lunch every now and again shouldn’t be a cause for argument.

Post # 5
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Debt sucks more than just about anything, though- I hope you are able to get financial peace soon!

Post # 6
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Laurenplusalex:  Sit down with him and explain your budget to him and what you consider to be excessive spending, and what you’re saying is ok.  Ask him to call you out when you spend too much or are pulling out your wallet for something you don’t need, but to butt the hell out when you’re doing just fine but want a goddamn cup of coffee. 

My husband questions EVERYTHING I buy.  Actually, he’s getting better.  Because I tell him off.  We have an agreement.  $300 a month no questions asked means NO FUCKING QUESTIONS, I WANTED IT OK?  🙂  I swear he doesn’t know another woman who spends less of her income on crap than I do but since he would spend nothing on anything he’s all “why do you need that?” 

Post # 9
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Laurenplusalex:  What about being really transparent about your budget? Make a budget every month, break it down into categories (gas, meals out, clothes, etc), track your spending and share it with him. As sucky as it is, it can be really helpful to be held accountable when changing your habits! As long as your stay in the budget within each category, he really shouldn’t bug you about individual transactions.

Post # 11
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree – start budgeting better and share it with him. I use Mint.com, as does DH, and it’s SUPER helpful for both of us.

Otherwise, though, you need to TALK to him about how he’s making you feel. Ask him WHY he does that, and what he considers to be too much extra spending. I judge DH on what he spends money on and vice versa – but ONLY if it’s out of the norm. We split pretty much everything, and decide together on extra spending. When we’re saving or don’t have the money to go out, really, then we just don’t. We cook at home. We have basic ground rules for extra spending. 

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