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LOL. That's funny. I have to disagree though. My FI and I have had a really strong committment since we began dating and I never worried about us breaking up. And I guess I know too many people who break off engagments and get divorced to see an engagement as a way to ensure not breaking up.
I'm not gonna lie, there is an added level of security now that we are engaged.
FI practically views us as married now. I was trying to explain to him why the ceremony was more important than the reception, since we'll be pledging to spend our lives together. His response was that I had promised to marry him when I accepted his proposal, so I had basically already married him. Oh, FI, your mind works in mysterious ways.
So, lol, I guess he feels differently. I never felt like I was going to get dumped all the time, but I do feel slightly more secure, in a 'cozy blanket' way, not in an 'I'm not going to get kicked to the curb' kind of way, if that makes any sense.
I can't say I feel like I'm going to get dumped all the time, but I'm sure I'll feel like we're more committed after we get engaged!
@jo.lee:LOl! Yeah, I think we'll both feel more secure and closer, but feeling like you're gonna get the ax has got to be a totally different feeling! The friend of mine who said this tends to be very blunt. So maybe this was how she was feeling pre-engagement. lol
Even when I was just dating FH, I never felt like I was going to get dumped. The only time I ever felt that way was when I was being abused (in a past relationship). I think if you don't feel secure in your relationship, that's that--and it's kind of a red flag. There's a little added security (just a tiny, tiny bit) now that we're engaged, but things aren't really all that different.
I think there was once toward the beginning of the relationship we went through a rough patch but since then I never felt like I was going to get dumped really. The engagement seemed to just add a ring and a wedding to plan but I've felt like we've been married for a while now, pretty much since we moved in together so it isn't really different besides knowing it'll be set in stone completely (which still doesn't feel really different).
@Statutory Grape: Yeah, I don't think she was getting abused etc. I do know that she really wanted a ring and he dragged his feet a bit! But otherwise they seemed pretty normal.
@happyb: I think it's more like the warm fuzzies than any real security, lol. Your friend sounds hilarious, though. :)
@happyb: I didn't mean to imply that--just saying that in my experience, it's not a good sign to feel like you're going to get dumped all the time. Lol!
I don't get this really. I don't think you should go from feeling like you could get dumped any moment (a sign of a troubled relationship, obviously) to getting engaged. I've been with bf for 4 years, and I never feel as if I am going to be dumped. If I did, I don't think the answer to it would be getting engaged. It's just as easy to break off an engagement as it is to break up with someone. The only difference is you might have a more financial stake, since the ring was bought and you may or may not have paid for things wedding related. But I sincerely doubt that is going to prevent someone who wants to break an engagement from doing so even if it means losing out on money.
@Krises: I think she was probably just trying to be funny. They were very committed before the ring i.e., living together etc, and they seem just as close, if not closer, after getting engaged.
I kinda feel like regardless how great our relationship is, there will still be a completely different feeling that comes along when we get engaged (I could be wrong though, maybe it won't feel different at all! Maybe I'll just be super giddy!). But I could see feeling even more solid, secure, and closer than we already do/are.
I certainly don't feel like I could get dumped at any moment, even in our worst of times, we've never said "fine, let's just call it quits then!"... nothing like that.
@authentic: It's interersting because logically speaking, you should not feel as though the relationship can end at any point. In fact, it seems that two people should get engaged only when they feel "solid". But I totally get the overall point which is, you should NOT feel like your going to get "dumped" prior to engagement. This could be telling of how fast one's marriage could end I guess.
@happyb: I'd be happy of course, but it wouldn't make me feel more secure. I was engaged once before, and that didn't stop him from dumping me.
GVD
@happyb: As I said, I'm not engaged yet so I could be way off... I hope I didn't give the wrong impression, I'm very secure both with myself and my relationship... I just think getting engaged may enhance that feeling, maybe? I don't know how to word it. I guess all in all, I just think we'd feel even closer than we already do right now. I've heard a lot of people have that feeling. I agree that people should only move forward when they feel totally solid. I agree with the others, I wouldn't feel comfortable getting engaged if I'd previously always felt like I could be dumped at any second... it doesn't really make sense to me. I can't imagine that feeling! =/
Or nothing could change at all. Maybe I'm just thinking about how giddy I'll feel when it happens, perhaps? :P
I don't think it would change anything except for the title you have as a couple. You still go out on dates, you still say i love you ...it just means that your progressing together and it can bring a sense of closeness just like being intimate can, but do I think it changes grand scheme of things. no.
@Chipmunk: ...it just means that your progressing together and it can bring a sense of closeness just like being intimate can
This is what I was thinking!
@authentic: Nah! You didn't convey the wrong impression. Maybe I wasn't clear before. The point that I was making in my response to you is every couple could SHOULD feel solid before engagement- otherwise what's the point?
I love my SO- but if I felt for one moment that we were not solid I wouldn't be contemplating marriage with him.
@Gwen- with the high rate of divorce, its no surprise that an engagement does not equal automatic solidity and happily ever after. I think that the foundation has to be laid prior to making a huge commitment.
I'm sure your friend was saying this lightly! :) I doubt she was truly worried about "getting dumped all the time".. but then again, I don't know.
I honestly believe being engaged will bring me a little more sense of security. I like how @authentic used the word "enhanced".
One of my major faults is insecurity about myself, so I know this lends itself to me being insecure about a lot of things in life, including our relationship (however solid it may be in "reality"). The boy is amazing, though and is supportive and really helping me try to overcome my insecurities. He is reassuring and positive and it's helping me to separate my insecure mind from what really is.
With that being said, I feel we are solid, but I feel I am insecure. But I'm working on it!!
I've never felt like I was going to get dumped with BF.. but I'm sure it depends on the strength of the relationship to begin with? We've been an "old married couple" for a long time lol.
@happyb: I think your friend is a riot. I caught on from the get go she was being funny. But I think in a tiny way she's right as secure as I am in my relationship right now I think an engagement (and by extension marriage) would infact bring some more security. It shows that we're moving forward towards our ultimate goal of building the life we both want together.
@happyb: No I just know that I can finally talk about wedding stuff with him now instead of keeping hush about it. If anything i'll be elated that it won't be long before i'll be his wife.
I am excited to get engaged not only cuz I will feel more of a commitment in the relationship but I also feel like I will be more significant. right now I feel like "just a gf". Does that make sense? Like I wasnt the first and I might not be the last
You know, now that I know that my SO has serious plans to marry me, I feel a ton more secure. I go crazy pants enough that I've been afraid that SO would get sick of me. Or if we argue, I've worked with the assumption that you only argue when something is wrong and are close to breaking up. Obviously, those are false assumptions, and I figured that out. It is really nice having the security of knowing the intent of my SO. I know we are in an secure place in our relationship, so I completely disagree with some of the ladies above.
I definitely feel no different than I did before we got engaged. FI and I have been together for so long... we might as well have been engaged for the last couple of years. We knew we were in it for good.
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Hi Bees.
I was chatting a friend who recently got engaged and I asked her if being engaged was any different than "just dating" and she replied with: "Its pretty much the same, except, you don't feel like you're gonna dumped all the time"! I thought this was hilarious! Lol. Anyone ever feel like you'll feel more secure in your relationship when you're not in the "waiting" zone anymore?