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Yeah, I think I know where you're at. I'm pretty sure I've been there. Blogs and wedding sites can be dodgy places if you're prone to a bit of inferiority.
I did enjoy writing as a teen tho, (terrible rubbish it was too), so I'm starting a creative writing course this autumn, to see if there's anything there, or I just like the sound of my own voice!
Is there anything you were into as a kid that might be worth exploring now?
And have you a spiritual factor to your life? Often that can be where feelings of emptiness or lack of direction stem from. Best of luck.
You're doing ok, you know.
I definitely have "a day" now and again where I feel the exact same way. You have to try to look at the positive side of things- you and only you have the ability to change your circumstance. You already seem to have a strong support and safety net in your FI. Sometimes it's the small things that make major changes. There HAS to be SOMETHING that you enjoy in life! Cooking, organizing, ANYTHING! I enjoy some of the most mundane things in life, my FI likes to joke that I'm a 45 year old woman trapped in a 24 year old's body. Find that one thing that you like... and run with it.
I hope you find what you're looking for :-)
I don't know if it helps, but I am going through the same type of things! I think everyone goes through periods of time where they are just trying to figure out what they want in life. I am not sure that most people ever figure out "what they want to be when they grow up" I would try to find things that interest you and make you happy. Maybe try different things like taking a cooking class or a pottery class after the wedding?
Career wise I do feel like I am spinning my wheels. I am trying to find a better job so I can start thinking about some type of graduate program (no clue what yet).
For the weight issue. Really don't let it bother you. Your FI thinks you are beautiful as you are. I have spent a lot of my engagement fretting over my weight and this article on the practical wedding blog really helped my perspective and I am a lot calmer about my weight for the wedding now.
http://apracticalwedding.com/2010/07/a-way-to-weigh-what-you-weigh-when-you-wed/#more-3985
Hang in there! I really do understand how hard the things you are going through are.
I've been "here" before, somewhat currently.
I wish I could figure out “what I want to be when I grow up” really hits home with me. I'm not in my dream job but then I think what would be my dream job? Sure there are lots of things I think would be cool. I could go back to school but what for? And even then, I feel like I have other responsibilities besides going back to school.
We go through phases of eating healthy and not eating that great and currently we are not eating great and eating out more often than normal. A couple of months ago, we were cooking 3 meals a day whereas now, it's "Where do you want to go?" I'm pissed that I'm going to have to go buy new clothes because I've gained some weight since getting married and while I'm not as heavy as I was I just don't feel comfortable wearing what I have in the past.
With your wedding approaching I wouldn't try to change too much so it doesn't become overwhelming. Maybe go walking during lunch to get out or go walking after work. Not only are you getting some excercise, I find that it relieves stress and takes your mind off things.
@aunt pol: Thanks :) The only thing I did when I was little that I remember was fun for me was dancing, but I never took lessons and it never went anywhere other than the middle school dance team I was on and loved. I like to be crafty but usually getting started and finishing has been an issue...haha, yeah, I'm one of those! As for spiritual/religious support, nope, not really. I was raised Catholic and lets just say that's not gonna happen--long story. My FI is very foreign to the idea of church, he's never been. His parents raised him and his brother in a household where they just didn't go to church because neither of the parents go. He doesn't sit as an atheist or anything but I just think he doesn't know any of it. Very strange for me since I was raised the other way around.
@vanilla frosting: I like to bake but don't do it for fear of the whole weight gain thing. ;) I have a lovely Kitchen Aide Pro Series mixer I bought this year---used it once! HAHA
@jaylii9: I actually read that article and for some reason I...forgot? Jeez. But thank you for providing the link again, I'm going to go read it again. :)
@nyebride: Yup, what would be my dream job that I would like to have? Uh, haha, not sure! Thank you for the suggestion to not try and add too much to my plate right now...don't need to stress myself out even more! :o
I know how you feel as well. I've battled with my weight all my life. I know exactly what I want to do with my life, but I can't do it because I have no professional experience doing it (and because I have no experience, no one will hire me, etc.). I lost my job recently (a job I hated) and am feeling like I'll never be able to get a job I love. I'm uninsured and scared of something happening to me before I'm able to get new insurance. I worry that I don't have as many friends as I should, and I worry often about my FH, who has almost no friends himself and also hates his job.
But there are so many wonderful things about my life. I am so fortunate to have my health, a roof over my head, people who love me, and enough money to live without much worry. I just try to focus on the good things in life and hope that the rest will fall into place.
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Do you ever have the feeling, “Who am I?” Lately I’ve been feeling this pretty strongly and I don’t know what to do about it. I love to read blogs and I read about so many creative and awesome women and I sit here thinking, I’m pretty dull and boring! I have no hobbies, I’m unhappy with my body and I wish I could figure out “what I want to be when I grow up”. People say to make changes. Workout more, eat healthier, look into hobbies, what about going back to school? hehe If only that was all so easy. I have lost track of how many times I’ve tried to change my lifestyle to become healthier and look better—it doesn’t stick. I’m getting married in about 34 days or so and I feel like a whale. To say that I’m dreading seeing our wedding photos is an understatement. She may be a pro but they can only do so much and she’s not a miracle worker.
I know I’m just complaining and this post isn’t much, but I am just so bummed to think that me as a person is pretty darn bland. Yes, I have an amazing fiance who encourages me and tries to help me out. Yes, I am excited beyond belief to become his wife and spend our years together. Yes, we have a strong handle on our finances and own a home that we love and slowly but surely are working on projects together to make the house ours. But when I feel like I don’t have myself together then things are just a big jumble and I’m walking around lost as to who I am.
Does any of this make sense? You been “here” with this feeling?