Feeling lost and impatient…help?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

It sounds to me like you’ve got some pretty solid reasons for not having kids right now. I’d say that even though you may really want it, there’s solid reasoning for why you shouldn’t right now. You have goals that you want to achieve before you have kids, and that seems to match up with your DH’s timeline too.

I know it can be hard. Me and FI are determined no kids until at least a year after we’re married, and I want to be at least a little established in my chosen hobby by then. It can be a little frustrating but as long as you can keep reminding yourself why it is that you’re doing it, that should make it easier.

Post # 4
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way! Definitely the right place to come vent; there are so many good souls here 🙂 

I think it is GREAT that you guys are planning and being careful about not having kids until you are ready. It seems like you’re both very responsible and want the best enviroment for your child to be born into. Having said that, it is almost impossible to have that “perfect” timeline because growing a family is somewhat of out of human control. What if it’s finally time, and you have trouble concieving? What if “surprises” in life keep happening and you guys never get to the savings goal, career level that you want to be in order to have children? 

I think you guys really need to discuss the time line again; and maybe in order to make kids happen within 5 years, talk about what plans need to start rolling NOW. Maye prioritize what you want to – house? location that you live in? money? I just feel like you guys wait to get everything you want in order before kids, then kids may never end up happening. 

The most important thing is to communicate to your husband though. You guys are a team and need to make decisions that BOTH of you can live with, but it also comes with sacrifice on both sides! 

 

Post # 5
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Babyfever2014:  Are there any women’s groups or volunteer opportunities in your area? Assuming you are in the US is there a local junior league? I’m a SAHW & find that I really enjoy the group of women I’ve gotten to know through the junior league. I’ve also learned a ton about our community, non profits & giving back in general. I’ve made some awesome new friends in the mean time. Or does your town have a local women’s shelter you could volunteer at? I saw a local shelter around my area the other day that was asking for volunteers to come to their nursery and hold babies since they currently have so many infants. (If it wasn’t the peak of flu/cold season I’d be all over that one but since I’m pregnant I’m not interested in hanging out with potential germs). 

Post # 6
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Babyfever2014:  Well, going off your username alone, I’d say you are ready & really want a baby…now. When I read he wants to wait 5 years but you are ready ,it sounds like it’s a good time to compromise. How about 2.5 years? 

Or how about you both pic one thing that is important & when that’s met for each of you, you start? 

I feel you both should be respected while being partial to your spouse. Right now it sounds like he’s decided it all, unless I’ve missed something?

 

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