Post # 1
I am in my mid twenties and have been married for almost two years. At this point I am more than ready to buy a house and have a baby (emotionally and mentally) but not ready financially/logistically. DH doesnt want kids for another 5 years. It’s still a reasonable timeline but I just don’t want to wait that long. However I agree it seems necessary. We are almost completely out of debt, but then we still have to save up a down payment. We both really want to be in a house before kids. So that’s another 2 or 3 years minimum. Then we both have some career goals we want to accomplish for a higher income so we can comfortably pay for child care, etc. And we want to move to a different area of the country which will inevitably interrupt savings, job, house hunting some what too.
I am trying to focus on other areas of my life to take my mind off it but it’s hard. I have wanted these things for years and I am just waiting and waiting and waiting. I have a good job opportunity going right now but frankly I would never choose to live in this part of the country of my own accord. I am friendly with my coworkers and know a few people outside of work but I have not been able to click with anyone and make real friends. theres a big cultural difference. im ok with it cause it’s temporary but still kind of lonely. I don’t like the culture here, no family, nothing I really want to see or do. Yes I am homesick, but I’ve been here 2 years and need to stick out this opportunity for another 2 years, pragmatically.
If it was just me I would be impulsive and say eff it and move home and go from there, but DH doesn’t want to and is firm on the kids timeline too. Trying to respect that. I am working on picking up new hobbies, trying to focus on personal goals… But I’m bored and lonely and frustrated. We already have two dogs and they help a little. any advice? Resources? Commiseration? Sorry for typos and rambling, I’m on my phone.
Post # 3
It sounds to me like you’ve got some pretty solid reasons for not having kids right now. I’d say that even though you may really want it, there’s solid reasoning for why you shouldn’t right now. You have goals that you want to achieve before you have kids, and that seems to match up with your DH’s timeline too.
I know it can be hard. Me and FI are determined no kids until at least a year after we’re married, and I want to be at least a little established in my chosen hobby by then. It can be a little frustrating but as long as you can keep reminding yourself why it is that you’re doing it, that should make it easier.
Post # 4
I am so sorry you’re feeling this way! Definitely the right place to come vent; there are so many good souls here 🙂
I think it is GREAT that you guys are planning and being careful about not having kids until you are ready. It seems like you’re both very responsible and want the best enviroment for your child to be born into. Having said that, it is almost impossible to have that “perfect” timeline because growing a family is somewhat of out of human control. What if it’s finally time, and you have trouble concieving? What if “surprises” in life keep happening and you guys never get to the savings goal, career level that you want to be in order to have children?
I think you guys really need to discuss the time line again; and maybe in order to make kids happen within 5 years, talk about what plans need to start rolling NOW. Maye prioritize what you want to – house? location that you live in? money? I just feel like you guys wait to get everything you want in order before kids, then kids may never end up happening.
The most important thing is to communicate to your husband though. You guys are a team and need to make decisions that BOTH of you can live with, but it also comes with sacrifice on both sides!
Post # 5
@Babyfever2014: Are there any women’s groups or volunteer opportunities in your area? Assuming you are in the US is there a local junior league? I’m a SAHW & find that I really enjoy the group of women I’ve gotten to know through the junior league. I’ve also learned a ton about our community, non profits & giving back in general. I’ve made some awesome new friends in the mean time. Or does your town have a local women’s shelter you could volunteer at? I saw a local shelter around my area the other day that was asking for volunteers to come to their nursery and hold babies since they currently have so many infants. (If it wasn’t the peak of flu/cold season I’d be all over that one but since I’m pregnant I’m not interested in hanging out with potential germs).
Post # 6
@Babyfever2014: Well, going off your username alone, I’d say you are ready & really want a baby…now. When I read he wants to wait 5 years but you are ready ,it sounds like it’s a good time to compromise. How about 2.5 years?
Or how about you both pic one thing that is important & when that’s met for each of you, you start?
I feel you both should be respected while being partial to your spouse. Right now it sounds like he’s decided it all, unless I’ve missed something?