Post # 1
I don’t know what I’m really hoping to “gain” by posting, but I suppose it’ll help just to get some stress off my chest.
Let’s start with some basic info that seems to be common for these posts; My BF and I have been together almost 2 years (known each other for 6 years). He’s 30, I’m 25. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. We both work full time jobs. He’s a state police officer, so several days out of each week he lives several hours away for work.
He has told me before that he wants to marry me. He just told me last night “I really do want to be with you the rest of my life and grow old with you.” He is always telling me that he doesn’t know how he got so lucky in life to be with me & how he loves me so much. He’s great with my daughter & she loves him too. I have never met anyone like my boyfriend. He’s so caring and genuine to everyone he meets. He’s very good to me, we have a great bond, we share the same sense of humor.
I really want to marry this man. He knows this, as I have told him several times. I feel so confused though because he is always telling me how much he loves me & that he wants us together forever, but it’s like he will just never open up and discuss getting engaged/married. He’s only said “yes, I want to marry you someday.”
If he really feels so in love with me, I don’t understand why he won’t discuss it with me at all. We have great communication in every other aspect of our relationship. I feel like he’s at an age where he should know if it’s something he really does want in life. I know it’s not bc he needs to save $$ for a ring, bc I know he could definitely afford one right now.
I try so hard not to focus on thoughts of engagement, but they just fill my mind every few weeks. It’s hard to take a lot of “me” time and go down things on my own because of the fact he lives several hours away… So when he’s home with me, I want to spend that time with him.
I’m not sure what to think or why I’m writing :-/ just have too much time to think at the moment.
Post # 3
@Dimps2425: I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I remember the first time me and my boyfriend had the marriage talk. It was like we went from never really discussing it to BAM talking about it everyday. Sometimes you just have to try and see where it goes. I would suggest you ask him where does he see himself and your relationship in the next year or two? Does he see marriage in the near future? That isn’t a selfish question and we always deserve to know these things. You’ll just have to respect his answer. From one girl in waiting to another, I wish you luck.
Post # 4
@Dimps2425: Maybe it’s a situation where he is waiting for the completion of a major event in some one of your lives (maybe promotion, first house etc.)
I believe that he loves you and probably has a legit reason for waiting.
Hold tight waiting.
Post # 5
there is no doubt that he loves you but maybe his just not ready for the big ‘M’ yet! hold tight, bee . patient and understanding and just give it time. have you tried the SIUP pact? it works!
Post # 6
Thanks for reading/responding bees!
I know my SO loves me, so I’m not sure why it makes me question things when he won’t discuss engagement/ marriage with me. I think some of it is the fact that I know $ is a huge object for most guys “stalling” on the engagement, and I know money is no object in his case.
It’s not that he even gets mad or annoyed if I bring it up…. He just says he does want to, and it stops at that. A timeline never really comes out of the conversation.
Post # 7
@Dimps2425: I am a waiting bee as well so I can understand. Make a timeline. Don’t just bring up getting engaged, offer a time in which you feel you’d like to get married and discuss how long you’d like to be engaged. This will help you and him figure out when the best time to get engaged is. Ex. My SO and I talk about marriage a lot. I said I would like to be married by August of 2015, so do you think we could get engaged before August 2014 so we have enough time to plan? What are your thoughts? (my SO responded very positively to this, and was able to give his imput)
You aren’t pushing this way, you’re giivng your ideas and he can say well no I’d like this date or maybe he’ll tell you flat out he isn’t ready yet, but you can ask how long he thinks you’ll need to wait before getting marrid/engaged.
Don’t give up hope!
Post # 8
@prettyinpink11: – that’s a great suggestions! I guess I didn’t think of that approach before, but I’m going to give it a try! 🙂
ill check out the SIUP too!
Post # 9
I would say the fact he will also become a father/ step father probably plays a factor in his caution. It’s a big deal to get married but becoming a husband and father is twice as big a deal. A man going from a single existence (where he dates or has a serious girlfriend) to becoming a husband and father is a major, irreversible life change.
Maybe you need to sit down and talk to him and find out his thoughts about marriage and being a step-father – a real discussion, not just accepting the feel good (but empty so far) words about spending his life with you/ grow old. I think men know women love to hear that stuff so they can lay it on thick without realizing how much meaning women attach to such things.