Feeling lost & frustrated …

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

WELL? Did he come through in the last 55 minutes of the day?!

Post # 3
3988 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

greenmile12:  I’m curious too…what happened?! Also, have you talked recently about an actual timeline for an engagement? Maybe he’s already planning something or maybe he doesn’t see 2 years as quite long enough before becoming engaged. I think it’s time to chat with him and get a general feeling from him. 

Post # 5
339 posts
Helper bee

greenmile12:  I’m guessing this was the timeline talk but is it really what you want? I think you may need to sit him down and tell him how you are feeling.  Its time to have a serious conversation about your future, not one that is just casually discussed. That may include asking him to refrain from anything marraige related. Best of luck.

Post # 6
3778 posts
Honey bee

greenmile12:  What?! That is madness. 3 or 4 years more to wait to get engaged. I think a serious talk is on the cards. If that were me I would find it very difficult to not end up bitter in the next 3 or 4 years.

Post # 7
83 posts
Worker bee

Perhaps he’s trying to throw you off track by saying 3 or 4 more years for an engagement?? Like that episode of Friends where Chandler tried to throw off Monica! How old are the 2 of you? If you dont mind my asking of course. 

Post # 8
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Tell him you want to get engaged earlier… Personally i think it should be a surprise and not a planned thing (although here iN Sweden it can even be that couple decides – okey we get engaged tomorrow and go get rings… )

however i was really waiting in excitement for maybe half year til it happened.. I cant imagine waiting maybe 3-4 years.. If you want longer engagement and you discussed it i think you should tell him how would you feel waiting that long and why.. I mean he obviously wants to get married one day so..


I second 

MsBeer:  opinioN i’d end up bitter as well

Post # 9
95 posts
Worker bee


greenmile12:  ok…so you two have a house together which leads me to believe you’re not kids, chances are you both are in your later 20s/earlier 30s?  You said you’ve been together 2 yrs, so if he wants to wait to get engaged that puts you at AT LEAST year 5 -6 at which time you could conceiveably be in your mid-30s. 

Are you OK with that? Have you given thought to when you’d like to start a family etc?

Honestly his “the nights not over yet” comment immediately made me think he was trying to be cute/flirty and eluding to sex… just the impression I got.

I’m really sorry this is whats taking place.  You must feel stuck because you’ve bought a house together, thought you’d be building a married life/family there and now you’re essentially his roommate for the life of the mortgage?! WTF crap is that? You’re stuck there bc you’re financially invested in the place so you can’t just leave (I’m assuming your name is on the deed and you contributed to purchasing the home?)

Thats such a shit situation to be in, I really am sorry.

Post # 10
24 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015

It took 5 years for an engagement for me (just got engaged this past Saturday) but we had reasons for waiting so long, primarily I went back to school and we became a one income family. If I hadn’t taken that 2 year side trip to school, I think I would have wanted to be engaged a LOT sooner. But I knew when I went back to school that engagement would be derailed because we discussed it. I think that is the key. Talking.

It may not be an easy subject to bring up, but you really should know that you are on the same page with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think that is EXTREMELY important. My advice is to talk to him. See why he wants to wait so long (for example, are you guys young?) and see if it is something you can handle or not. 

Good luck to you.

Post # 11
2894 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

greenmile12: ugh. I’m so sorry — my heart hurts for you. Why does he need all those extra years? Are you young, have things you want to focus on first or something else?

I personally cannot stand when people say one thing and then do something else. So his whole hint dropping business is game playing that wouldn’t work for me. The whole house thing complicates things — do you have an agreement that protects you in case you need to get out of the house?

Post # 12
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

greenmile12: “By the time we will have been together for 5-6 years. Surely you know if you want to marry someone by that time, don’t you?”

Well did you say that to him? When he gave you this long timeline that obviously isn’t what you want, did you tell him you would like to get engaged sooner?

Post # 13
4649 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s just always so weird to me when a couple has a house together (both on the note and loan), kids together, pets together, shared bills, picked out the paint colors blah blah blah yet the man (usually it’s him) will not take it that one step further and get the piece of paper. I.just.don’t.get.it.

Post # 15
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

greenmile12:  Does he know that he’s hinting at an engagement ring, because in my book this borders on emotionally abusive if he knows you’re waiting and hoping, makes it seem like he’s going to propose, and then presents a gift that fits his description without being what he made it out to be.

If he said 3-4 years, you may need to just accept that timeline or not accept it and get out before he spends another 3 years of holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays manipulating you.  

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