Post # 1
Hi everyone! I hope I’m posting in the right area — I’m a real newbie, and found this site while searching for like minded people. I’m just looking for a bit of support/guidance.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years (today was actually our anniversary). We have talked about marriage often, he has told me exactly how he would like to propose (at the beach where our first date was), we both agreed that we would like a long engagement so we have time to save and plan.
We have a house together, our relationship is lovely, so I just don’t understand. You see, before this past Christmas, he was asking all sorts of questions like what kind of rings I liked and what size I wore. So of course, I got a little excited, and when Christmas rolled around and there was no ring, well I was a little disappointed.
So, recently we were discussing what we were going to do for our anniversary — he asked if we could go out for dinner and go to the beach where we met afterwards. He told me he was nervous and didn’t want to mess up our anniversary, so am I crazy to think something big was coming? We get to the beach, it was beautiful. But nope, nothing.
We we get back to our house and he asks me if I’ve had a good day out and I say yes, he smiles and says “well, the days not over yet.
Yeah well, long story short, it’s 11:05pm and I’m not even close to being engaged. I am feeling overwhelmingly frustrated because I feel like he’s constantly dropping hints and dangling an engagement infront of my face. I keep getting my hopes up and then feeling really let down in the end 🙁
Post # 2
WELL? Did he come through in the last 55 minutes of the day?!
Post # 3
greenmile12: I’m curious too…what happened?! Also, have you talked recently about an actual timeline for an engagement? Maybe he’s already planning something or maybe he doesn’t see 2 years as quite long enough before becoming engaged. I think it’s time to chat with him and get a general feeling from him.
Post # 4
Hi guys. Thanks for your replies, and no, nothing happened as I knew it wouldn’t. I did end up bringing up the subject casually though , and he said he wants to wait 3 or 4 more years just to get ENGAGED let alone married. By the time we will have been together for 5-6 years. Surely you know if you want to marry someone by that time, don’t you?
We’ve bought a house together, I’m not sure what’s a bigger commitment than that !
Post # 5
greenmile12: I’m guessing this was the timeline talk but is it really what you want? I think you may need to sit him down and tell him how you are feeling. Its time to have a serious conversation about your future, not one that is just casually discussed. That may include asking him to refrain from anything marraige related. Best of luck.
Post # 6
greenmile12: What?! That is madness. 3 or 4 years more to wait to get engaged. I think a serious talk is on the cards. If that were me I would find it very difficult to not end up bitter in the next 3 or 4 years.
Post # 7
Perhaps he’s trying to throw you off track by saying 3 or 4 more years for an engagement?? Like that episode of Friends where Chandler tried to throw off Monica! How old are the 2 of you? If you dont mind my asking of course.
Post # 8
Tell him you want to get engaged earlier… Personally i think it should be a surprise and not a planned thing (although here iN Sweden it can even be that couple decides – okey we get engaged tomorrow and go get rings… )
however i was really waiting in excitement for maybe half year til it happened.. I cant imagine waiting maybe 3-4 years.. If you want longer engagement and you discussed it i think you should tell him how would you feel waiting that long and why.. I mean he obviously wants to get married one day so..
MsBeer: opinioN i’d end up bitter as well
Post # 9
greenmile12: ok…so you two have a house together which leads me to believe you’re not kids, chances are you both are in your later 20s/earlier 30s? You said you’ve been together 2 yrs, so if he wants to wait to get engaged that puts you at AT LEAST year 5 -6 at which time you could conceiveably be in your mid-30s.
Are you OK with that? Have you given thought to when you’d like to start a family etc?
Honestly his “the nights not over yet” comment immediately made me think he was trying to be cute/flirty and eluding to sex… just the impression I got.
I’m really sorry this is whats taking place. You must feel stuck because you’ve bought a house together, thought you’d be building a married life/family there and now you’re essentially his roommate for the life of the mortgage?! WTF crap is that? You’re stuck there bc you’re financially invested in the place so you can’t just leave (I’m assuming your name is on the deed and you contributed to purchasing the home?)
Thats such a shit situation to be in, I really am sorry.
Post # 10
It took 5 years for an engagement for me (just got engaged this past Saturday) but we had reasons for waiting so long, primarily I went back to school and we became a one income family. If I hadn’t taken that 2 year side trip to school, I think I would have wanted to be engaged a LOT sooner. But I knew when I went back to school that engagement would be derailed because we discussed it. I think that is the key. Talking.
It may not be an easy subject to bring up, but you really should know that you are on the same page with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think that is EXTREMELY important. My advice is to talk to him. See why he wants to wait so long (for example, are you guys young?) and see if it is something you can handle or not.
Good luck to you.
Post # 11
greenmile12: ugh. I’m so sorry — my heart hurts for you. Why does he need all those extra years? Are you young, have things you want to focus on first or something else?
I personally cannot stand when people say one thing and then do something else. So his whole hint dropping business is game playing that wouldn’t work for me. The whole house thing complicates things — do you have an agreement that protects you in case you need to get out of the house?
Post # 12
greenmile12: “By the time we will have been together for 5-6 years. Surely you know if you want to marry someone by that time, don’t you?”
Well did you say that to him? When he gave you this long timeline that obviously isn’t what you want, did you tell him you would like to get engaged sooner?
Post # 13
It’s just always so weird to me when a couple has a house together (both on the note and loan), kids together, pets together, shared bills, picked out the paint colors blah blah blah yet the man (usually it’s him) will not take it that one step further and get the piece of paper. I.just.don’t.get.it.
Post # 14
I wanted to bump this thread after leaving it alone for a couple months.
No, nothing has happened, I still have no ring, and I’ve just been trying to put it out of my mind.
My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks, and he mentioned in passing that “your gift is something you should have had much sooner.” So of course that peaked my interest.
tonight I was teasing him and asked him if he had picked up my present yet and he said no, so I told him he better hurry up incase the store runs out of them in the next two weeks and he said “don’t worry, there’s lots of them I don’t think the stores can ever run out”
i asked him if it was a book, he said: “no, but it happens in books.”
I’m trying really hard to not get my hopes up but it’s so hard !!! I just know ill be disappointed 🙁 I hate that it seems like he’s always hinting at a ring but it turns out to be nothing of the sort.
Post # 15
greenmile12: Does he know that he’s hinting at an engagement ring, because in my book this borders on emotionally abusive if he knows you’re waiting and hoping, makes it seem like he’s going to propose, and then presents a gift that fits his description without being what he made it out to be.
If he said 3-4 years, you may need to just accept that timeline or not accept it and get out before he spends another 3 years of holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays manipulating you.