Feeling Pressure to TTC…

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Tell people that it isn’t any of their business. Or ask them a question about their sex life, since that’s essentially what they are asking you. That should shut them up.

Post # 3
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

ren89:  My friend finally handled this with a bright, “OK, got it – when your son starts banging me without a condom, you’ll be the first to know!” It’s a vulgar thing to say and she’s not vulgar AT ALL, so I think it shocked and shamed her FIL into realizing he was prying into matters that were none of his business. So. That’s one (very dramatic) route, but it worked — he was hounding her incessantly, and he’s kept his mouth shut from then on!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  .
Post # 5
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It’s very hard, but perhaps you should feel better by knowing that they are in the wrong. We are currently TTC and are having a few problems, and this isn’t helped by the fact that every time we go over to my in-laws house, I am advised to “not leave it too long… you do want children, right?” etc etc.

It is really quite inappropriate.

Post # 6
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My mom gave me the best comeback for this the other day after I told her one of MIL’s friends greeted me at a family party by rubbing my belly and asking if there was news. (Ugh. Still makes me angry to think about. So inappropriate!!) It took my mom a long time to get pregnant with me (and my twin brother) so this is what she used and she said it worked pretty well! 

She told me to reply to questions of “when?” with some reference to god…. “Well, when God gives us a baby, I guess that’s when”. There’s pretty much no argument to that. And you don’t have to tell them that you’re making it hard for God by taking birth control or using condoms 🙂 If they keep asking, and you keep giving the same response, hopefully they’ll learn that they aren’t getting any more information from you and eventually leave you alone!

Post # 9
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

ren89:  Do NOT feel sad or guilty about this! You are making a choice that you feel is best for you. If you were to “give in” and get pregnant sooner it could really affect your thoughts/feelings about the pregnancy and being a parent. This is something that is nobody’s business! As much as I love the vulgar responses, I usually go with a simple “When we’re ready” and told my Dad’s partner that if he kept asking we would just not have children to piss him off (totally untrue, but I was frustrated). He shut up really fast at that one. Maybe something like “When we’re ready, but if we keep getting asked it’s going to make us want to wait longer!” in a joking tone. Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

It took my FSIL 4 years to conceive. They were actively trying for that long and just had issues they needed to fix. For 4 years she got pressured by every family member possible. She was so frustrated, it made it so much worse!!!

My grandmother is already pressuring me and I’m not even ready yet. She thinks it is stupid that we want to wait a year or two to actually enjoy each other and travel the world. She is afraid one year is going to ruin my chances of getting pregnant and I’m going to become infertile. Ummmm ok yeah, I’ll take my chances? So over it. 

Don’t let people get to you….. just live your life with your hubby and the day you decide to have one, they will know when you give them the good news. It is none of their business what happens in between the sheets with you two. 

Post # 11
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think KatiePi has nailed it. Don’t engage with these people.

Also, you’re 24. 24! There is no rush, have babies when you’re ready, no sooner. Stop a moment to contemplate letting someone other than you decide when you make a new human being.

And a final thought, once i let my MiIL know that we did plan on having babies at some stage, just not right now, she did relax a bit.

Post # 13
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

ren89:  I think you have plenty of time. I am much older than you… over 30… and I would definitely not have started trying younger than 27 or so. That said, I do live in a country which has one of the oldest average ages at first birth in the world… the average age at first birth is 30.

I do find it hard because on the one hand I have the in-laws cheerfully (not maliciously) saying that we should TTC, and on the other hand I have friends and family saying that we are so wise to be CBC, and giving reasons for that as well. I have no desire to share the intimate details of my private life in order to correct them (either group of them), so I can completely understand why this is a bad position for you to be in.

All I can wish for is that you have good luck!

Post # 14
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ren89:  well Im going through it right now and have been since a year before our wedding. un-beknownst to our families I am actually just newly pregnant and they wont be told until Im 3 months. I have sooooooooooooooo many friends who are having TTC issues and misscarrages etc… that I find it rude as hell. I know this may not be your cup of tea but one thing that tends to shut them up is making them just as uncomfortable as they make you. If you dont want to say anything sexual then simply ask them something like…..”how do you know were not already trying and maybe having issues conceiving?” That usually leaves them a bit speechless…. but if they start saying something…..and if your really bold, add on…..”for all you know I may have just suffered a misscarriage last week. I’d really like to drop the subject now”

I think at this point unless your willing to say something bold like that your kinda stuck dealing with it. People like that dont think about what people are going through in their private lives (struggles) and its only when something sensitive is pointed out they get the point its not ok to ask.

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  shanbp.
Post # 15
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

ren89:  we are TTC but still have told our families that we don’t want to discuss our sex life with them, we find it inapprpriate and disrespectful to always be asked.  we told them when its time to tell them we will and until then, be happy for our married life.  

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