Post # 1
So, I’ve not posted on this side of the Bee often, but I did something really stupid. A little bit about my TTC history–I’ve had four miscarriages; two that required D/Cs and two that were chemical pregnancies. This is in the past four years. I’ve been unsure of trying again and to be honest, we haven’t actively been trying, especially as there is a lot of stress in our lives right now. I made a difficult choice at the end of the school year to resign and accept a position at another school that would bring in some more money. My husband works two jobs 6-7 days a week and rightnow we rarely see one another except at night. Anyway, TTCing has not been forefront in our minds, although I’ve been feeling like it will be impossible for me to carry a baby to term now that I just turned forty (and with my past history).
So, in the past few weeks, I’ve had a lot of symptoms that could be either early menopause coming on or early pregnancy. Really sore, heavy breasts. What could have been implantation bleeding instead of a period last month (really light and a week early). Having to go the the bathroom more frequently. Some other signs, like my face breaking out when I rarely have ever had breakouts. I’ve been really anxious and haven’t been able to sleep. I knew if I’m not pregnant then it’s probably early menopause as I’ve been peri-menapausal for a while now and these are not normal symptoms for me. I tried to talk myself out of testing because I knew it would be devastating for me if it came back negative. First the blow of not being pregnant. Then the realization that it’s probably menopause coming. But I stupidly started to believe that maybe I was pregnant, and if I was it would be close to seven weeks with strong symptoms which was a good sign. So I just went and bought a test. And of course it was negative. Now I just feel really….just stupid, I guess for thinking I could actually be pregnant and getting my hopes up. I haven’t shared any of this with my husband or anyone because I didn’t want to get his hopes up, so now I’m just sitting here feeling pretty numb. Not only am I not pregnant, but apparently I’m heading into menopause and my time is prety much up.
I guess I just needed to get all that out. Thanks for reading, if you read this. I just need some internet hugs, I guess. Feeling pretty crappy right now.
Post # 2
Sending you the biggest internet hug there is!!!!!!
Post # 3
I’m really sorry to read this. It must be so much to take it. Sending lots of internet hugs your way.
Post # 4
Thank you so much, ladies–it means a lot to have support right now.
Post # 5
Sorry to read this, major bummer. Big time internet hugs to you babe!
Post # 6
I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. Honestly, I wish I could say or do something to cheer you up, but I am sending you many hugs and kind thoughts.
Post # 7
Hugs your way MrsYokiman! And stop feeling stupid please! If this is what helps you realize that you want to have a child then go for it. Biological or adopted, w all the multiple options to conceive. I say this bc you expressed disappointment, but if I’m wrong just ignore me.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
MrsYokiman: *hugs* Life is shitty sometimes, huh? It helps me to wallow in the shittiness for a few minutes and then count my other blessings (even when that’s the last thing I want to do). Do you have a friend or family member you can talk to about it? xoxox
Post # 9
Sorry this is going on. *HUGS*
Post # 11
lolot: Actually, this is wonderful advice–just what I need. I need to wallow for a bit then count my blessings. I have a wonderful, loving husband and an amazingly suppotive family, plus five cats that bring a smile to my face. 🙂 We have a roof over our heads and we don’t go to bed hungry, which is a lot more than a lot of people.
My family is really great, but I don’t want to burden them. The last miscarriage was really rough on my parents because they got the phone call in the middle of the night from me when we were in the ER and learned that I had positively lost the baby. It helped a bunch just to type everything out here and get it off of my chest.
@NumberNerd, kate02121, nambi_pambi, ClassicCorvette, Soon2ElopeBee, lolot,
Kir32 and housebee:
Thank you for responding with hugs and kind words. I’m starting to feel a bit more ‘this is not the end of the world’. We still have options, this was just…a blow right now.
Post # 12
Big hugs hun…you have every right to be upset and I’m sorry that you are going through this right now.
Post # 13
This might feel like such a disappointment now but you’re not out yet! You could really go for it if you feel like you’ve healed from your past experiences enough. (I don’t wang to pressure or rush you of course, only you know if you’re ready)
there just might be some hope that you could try one more time since you were obviously sad you weren’t pregnant and seem to want a child still.
No matter what, you aren’t alone. There are many many women who have been through this and they all know how you feel.
Post # 14
@orchidblooms, Equine_Breeder: Thank you so much! It definitely helps knowing there are women out there who know what it’s like. I guess this was just really hard because I had put the thought of getting pregnant again out of my head and when all these symptoms came along, it brought up buried hopes. And that damn negative line just squashed them all again.
Post # 15
Well, AF arrived early today, so yep, definitely no chance of being pregnant. But after talking to my husband, we’re going to start trying again this month. Not ready to give up hope yet. 🙂