Post # 1
Ever since I was younger, I have been battling anxiety/panic disorder and more recently depression (I see a cognitive behavioral therapist). My grandpa passed away 2 weeks before our wedding, everything leading up to the wedding was crazy, then our wedding, then 3 months later my other grandpa passed away and then 2 weeks later my uncle passed away. I have become a shadow of myself.
I used to be exercising alot, eating very healthy and generally just being active. But since April I slowly was becoming lazier, not working out, eating unhealthier and barely going out anymore. I don’t have a job because I’m in graduate school full time and I haven’t found a job that goes with my schedule and that relates to my field. I just feel terrible and I want to be better but I can’t seem to get out of this rut. I basically just study all day and then go to class.
For a little while, my husband and I didn’t have jobs. We both lost our jobs and immediately started looking. It took us a while to find him and job and I still haven’t found anything. He is in an apprenticeship right now though and isn’t getting paid yet. So we are really stressed about money. My husband is going to school full time too, is working out, on a very healthy diet, and working.
Recently he has constantly been bringing up what has been going on with me. He is trying to get me to workout, eat healthier, go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier, and find a job. But instead of being supportive, he just seems angry with me and annoyed. I know I should be doing these things but I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I just can’t do things right. He told me that isn’t angry with me but he feels like he is doing so much and I seem like I’m just doing nothing all day.
How do I handle this? I feel bad that he is acting this way but I guess he is just fed up with how I’m acting …
Post # 3
It sounds like you may have a moderate case of depression. The signs that you are exhibiting are typcial of depression. It is very important that you see a counsellor ASAP because depression can get worse and worse. Counselling will help with your thought patterns as well as offer advice on ways for your husband to understand and be more supportive.
Post # 4
@mylittleviolett: Not having a job can be tough. I’ve been struggling to find work since February, I also suffer from anxiety and depression and I’m also studying, although only part time. I definitely have days, weeks, where I just don’t see the point in getting out of my pjs, because really, who’s going to see me? But I think the best advice I can give you is fight it. Fight the depression and temptation to stay in bed, or just laze around. My DR always tells me exercise is a great way to fight depression, so if you were exercising before, try to ease yourself into a routine again. SO has just signed me up to his gym, so I’m trying to take interest in that and exercise a bit more to lose weight. Try not to take what he is saying as criticism, but see that he is concerned about you and just isn’t of the right way to voice that to you. Try to give yourself days out, even if it’s a walk to the park, to sit and read a book or study, at least getting out of the house will make you feel better, feel like you’re part of society. Don’t isolate yourself.
Post # 5
I second the depression.
But I also think you should find a job or something you can “settle” for. Even if it’s working in the cafeteria for the next couple of months to take some of the money stress off.
Men get angry when they can’t fix things…perhaps he can tag along to the therepist so he may be given tools that may be more beneficial than stewing.
Post # 6
@smileyme: Thank you for responding. But yes, I know I have moderate depression and I’m currently seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist. It’s just that nothing is working right now and I feel stuck.
@krayzay87: I will have to just fight it. I love to go walking at a park near my house and I want to at least start that again. I started to eat healthier today so that is definitely an improvement. When I started exercising a little while ago, it definitely helped the depression. I hope that I can just start and then eventually feel better. Thank you for the advice, it helps me to see that my husband is just concerned and isn’t trying to be mean.
@searock: You’re right, I have to just find something. Whatever so that we have an income. I guess I just don’t know where to start.
Post # 7
It may not seem like it but what you are doing everyday is very important – school and education!! You will probably feel better once you have that over with. Sometimes it is best to not rely on other people for our self worth – people are imperfect and when they are stressed they sometimes take it out on those closest to them.
I get anziety too and can relate to you! I graduated last year and then volunteered full time for work experience. But now I am unemployed and still working on finishing my driving lessons and am limited with what jobs I can apply for. My FI is working in a different city 5 days a week because he can’t get work where we live! It is a difficult time with the economy at the moment.
It is important to see yourself through God’s eyes. I am not sure if you are a Christian or not, but I find listening to Joyce Meyer on youtube helps me a lot as she used to be a lot like me (stressing out, worrying, etc) and is now a different person!
Post # 8
@mylittleviolett: The trick is trying to find peace in the midst of trials and when life isn’t going how you want or else you will be feeling up and down for the rest of your life. I need to work on this area too so I can understand.
Post # 9
@searock: I know that this wasn’t towards me but I have a First Degree, full time volunteering experience with two organisations and part time volunteering with ten others as well as bar work experience and yet the only job I have is a one or two day a month job! I have applied for all sorts – anything really and haven’t even gotten to an interview except for once! I dfidn’t get that job though but was lucky to get to the interview as 70 other people applied for the same thing.
In England, they are even having apprenticeships in bar work now so like £2.90 an hour which is totally ridiculous.