Post # 1
With 2 months to go until the wedding I really am close to the point where I want to say F*** it all. Everytime I turn around everyone is asking me on my opinion on this, how I am doing that, what I want these people to wear and when I answer them I am told “Oh that’s doing way too much…” And unfortunately that response is predominately coming from my FI.
I am just so frustrated right now. FI REALLY does not seem to care about most of the details with this wedding when ever i ask him. In fact, he has told me he’d rather me not ask and just do. He tells me I can do whatever I want as long as its with in the budget. But for some reason when I make a decision on the things I want without talking to him, he miraculously has a stron opinion and its mostly against whatever I decide.
He was speaking to his step mother earlier today and she asked him what we wanted her and his dad to wear (I’ve already answered this question for her myself,) and I told him I wanted her is some shade of blush or champagne and his dad in a black suit or tux wih a plum tie (that we’ll probably give him. He mutes the phone and says to me “that’s extreme. Telling grown folk what to wear…” Then he proceeds to tell her ” It doesn’t matter. There is no dress code.”
Excuse me?!? Since when is there no dress code for our “black tie suggested” evening in wedding in the city? Ugh!!!
And it’s not just him undermining me that pisses me off. It’s so much more than that right now and I almost feel like its no point to list it all because no one will understand. I can’t talk to my best friend because I literally just helped her pack her stuff and move into her first apartment and I don’t want to take her joy away with my wedding drama. Sorry for venting, bu I really just am so overwhelmed.
Post # 3
What does black tie suggested mean?
You can absolutely talk to your best friend. Get a bottle of wine, some awesome cheese, and go over there and say, “I am so happy you’re in your first apartment…let’s celebrate!” And if the conversation happens to steer toward wedding stuff, whatevs. Maybe also bring her a decorative vase.
Post # 4
Id be pissed too. He shouldnt have said that to his folks. Younare innthe mist stressful time right now. Just remember to keep calm. At some point your body will just shut down from all the stress. It happened to me. I got really sick.
So just try to take it easy, for your health anyways. Everything will work out!
Post # 5
@MrsDiddles: You’ve come to the right place to vent – let it all out 🙂
My FI is also sporadically interested in providing input – and i can see that becoming a problem as our plans develop.
Maybe like my FI, yours is not a “details” man, and is instead focused on the bigger picture (ie taking you to be his wife). Are you familiar with the mason jar manifesto? Well, when the details started getting me down, my FI sat me down and gave his own version of it (though he had never seen the original). It really gave me an insight into his perspective, and why he doesn’t want to get bogged down with details. It really helped to get his perspective on things. Maybe have a caht with FI and explain that while the details are a by-product of the whole event, and they aren’t the be-all and end-all, they are necessary for you to make your wedding as special as possible for you both.
Though i may be completely off the mark here….
Post # 6
UGH! My DH did this at times. It’s so frustrating. I had to sit him down and be like look, dude… when I ask for your opinion and you say you don’t care, then you’re not allowed to argue with me later when I’ve already made a decision. If you don’t know and want to think about it that’s fine, but tell me. Don’t just tell me to make the decision and then argue with whatever I decide. It’s really frustrating because I’m working my ass off to make this wedding special and I feel like you’re just arguing with everything. That helped. The fun part is coming… just don’t give up now.
Post # 7
Sorry Hun – you’re not alone though! My FIance wants veto power on everything yet will take no part in doing the hours upon hours of research! Hang in there you’re almost there!!
Post # 8
Thanks guys! I know sometimes the boards can be covered with vents from to-Bees, married Bees and waiting Bees and I didn’t really want to add too much to it. But thanks for listening. :-/
Post # 9
My FH (well, now H I guess:)) was the same way. Different approaches helped us through. In this case, maybe mention that they might feel out of place if they’re not dressed as formally as everyone else, especially since they’re in the wedding party, and may clash with the rest of the WP’s colors too – the last thing he’d probably want based on the quote above is to make them uncomfortable.
I actually wanted FH’s input but he never had any until it was way too late, and then it usually clashed strongly with other decisions already made. The number one thing I learned was not to get upset about his out-of-the-blue disagreements, just stay calm and figure it out making sure that first and foremost we both ended up happy. You’d probably rather his mom in fuschia than any resentment between the two of you on this beautiful occasion.
Also, depending on your relationship with his parents, you might just call his mom and say what would work best, explaining DH isn’t as concerned with details. Most women would understand.