Feeling really depressed about my wedding…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Gabthebee:  And you absolutely cannot elope?

 

Why not?  Fuck it – just go and elope – who cares about WW3 – those in laws of yours are going to suck no matter if you spend money and throw a wedding or not.  Might as well save some money and elope!

Post # 4
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Gabthebee:  Is that your actual wedding date or have you not set one?

It sounds like there are a lot of things going on right now that are bumming you out and affecting your attitude towards the wedding.  Maybe putting wedding planning on the back burner while you work out your other life/family kinks would help.  You need to figure out together if you want his family in your lives (and they treat BOTH of you with respect) or not in your lives because they CAN’T respect both of you.  There’s no other option.  

Also, with planning a wedding, you either have something in mind and can get the ball rolling by that, or you visit a few venues of different themes/ settings and see what feels best.  You also should know before picking a place if any family will be there for headcount purposes, anyway.  Once you get that done other pieces will fall together.

[This is all written under the assumption that your wedding is not in 2014]

Post # 6
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Gabthebee:  Well how about a simple little wedding, real casual like. Like a nice backyard wedding or at a park or something. We are having a little 10 minute ceremony in a garden area where I wok with a cake and punch (and light refreshments) reception afterwards. We are having a pig-roast the next day – just a Big old cook-out. Nothing ubber expensive (all of the above is running 5K). It would cut down on the amount of wedding planning and get the requirement of a wedding out of the way. Then you will have your own family (and a couple IS a family) and say screw them all and live a happy life.

Post # 7
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Gabthebee:  Are you planning on taking a honeymoon? Maybe you could look at some places that you would want to go on your honeymoon – lots of places have ‘elopement packages’ that aren’t too expensive. You could get married and already be at your honeymoon destination . . .

 

Post # 8
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Gabthebee:  I am guessing they are still getting over his separation from his ex wife, and getting used to the fact that you’re his partner now. That doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but I think you can reasonably expect them to warm to you more in the future as they get used to you.

I suggest an immediate-family-only wedding (and their partners and any surviving grandparents) as a compromise. That should only be 10 or so people. You could do a small wedding then as a reception, have dinner in a private room at a restaurant. No need to do the big wedding and invite the extended family.

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel for your situation. You have very little support – but you can get some.

Tell your finacee that the family situation is stressing you out. Tell him you love him deeply, but that you cannot choose a future where they are first before you.

Explain to him that  you want to take some time to get some counseling and advise him lovingly to do the same.

You are supposed to be starting your own family. There will always be in-law problems, but your support comes first. Please get someone to talk this over with – there are many good therapists listed on the web site Psychology Today – designated by city.

Here is a link:

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

Don’t rush a wedding when you have little support as a person – it will not get better unless new boundaries are created.  And you and your soon-to-be groom can do that with counseling.

Believe me – this is the best investment you can make for a happy future!

Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

@skippydarling:  +1

 

I don’t understand why eloping isn’t anoption. Saying it would start “world war 3” just confuses me because you just got finished telling us how nobody gives a damn. If that’s the case then why not elope? They already treat you poorly, no need to pay for that privledge.

Just do what you and your FI want to do. Then at least you know two people who will be happy.

 

Post # 11
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Have you thought about having a destination wedding?  You invite the family, but usually only the ones that can afford and want to attend, will.  It may help weed out those that simply don’t want to go.

Post # 12
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

Elope! 

My husbands family likes me. But my family I am pretty much estranged from because I became tired of dealing with their crap 4&1/2 years back. 

We decided to elope. It was the best choice for us, and we had a fantastic day. We didn’t have much to spend on a wedding either and didn’t want to stress out about making everyone else happy. Other than our mothers having a bit of shock, everyone else was thrilled for us. If there are people in your life who are unkind and unwelcoming to you, cut them out of your life, related or not!

Post # 13
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

 

If anyone treated me that poorly I would cut them out of my life, and if forced to interact with them I would be polite, but cold and to the point: “I’m sorry to interrupt you, FSIL, but in light of the way you’ve spoken to me and about me, I prefer not to talk to you. Please excusee.”

But then I dont really fear confrontation, and this hits home a bit because my future in-laws do like me but some of them were unkind to FI over the holidays and it has my blood up. So I have future in laws whom I’m not sure I can ever be close with…and I know it hurts.

I suggest surrounding yourself with people who cherish you and are kind to you! A rich, vibrant, loving social circle doesn’t have to mean immediate family.

And when you get married, totally elope or invite only those who have been supportive of you! When you think about it, there’s NOTHING they can do to you that they haven’t done.

Post # 14
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Gabthebee:  I am not gonna lie I was/ am in the same boat to some extent… I see that your date isn’t for a couple years- I would just hold off. My fiance and I went ahead and planned it out. They don’t know many details but now that there are no decisions left they seem to be more interested. 

I ended up asking his younger sister to be one of the bridesmaids, his 2 brothers are groomsmen, nephew is sign bearer, and his older sister is walking with the nephew as an escort.

Things seemed to smooth out after all of that was taken care of- the relationship is actually better. So much so I went over there for a couple hours on Christmas Eve. 🙂

 

Good luck

Post # 15
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Trilogy Golf Course at Glen Ivy

@skippydarling:  I completely agree!

Post # 16
Member
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I really wish your Fiance would get some balls and firmly tell his family to back off. He obviously hasn’t been firm enough if his sisters are still disrespectful toward you.

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