Post # 1
When my Fiancé and I got engaged my parents generously offered to either pay for my dream wedding or a down payment on a house (its no secret that my parents are well off finically) Of course, like many women I want to have a fabulous wedding. My fiancé, on the other hand, thought we should take the down payment since that is more responsible. Of course when he realized how important the wedding was, he relented (he does anything that will make me happy). Now, a few months after making the choice, and after starting the initial wedding planning (deposits are down on the reception place and photographer), I’m feeling really really guilty. It would be so much smarter if we used the money to buy a house. We are busting at the seems after moving in together (we live in a two bedroom apartment that’s small, and its tinier when you consider that we have four cats between us). Not only that, but it if we buy a house using my parents gift as the down payment, then we will be able to save our own money up to start a family (do to a disorder I was born with starting a family will be pricey). With my parents paying for the wedding there is no telling how long it will take us to raise the money for a great down payment, let alone have enough money to spend on the reproductive procedures I will need when we decide we want to have kids.
Anyways, I know I am the only one that can truly battle this problem but I was just wondering if you guys had any advice or anything.
I have considered using a portion of the money to have my Fiancé and I flown down someplace tropical for a wedding/honeymoon but I’m not sure how I feel about getting married without my parents.
Post # 3
I would have gone with the down payment on the house and saved for a small but nice wedding. The decision has been made so just be happy about it. Hpefully it does not cause future fights. Sometimes it’s good to spend a good week or so going over a decision. It sounds like you would have gone with the down payment had you taken time to weigh the importance of having a home rather than a one day party. Apologize to your fiance and tell him that you will greatly consider his input on future decisions. I’m sure he understands. Most women dream of their wedding day and it sounds like he loves you so you will get through it. All you can do now is take a lesson learned out of this.
Is there any way to compromise with your parents by keeping the wedding costs down? Maybe they could pay for a small wedding and pay for half of your down payment on a house. Keep your guest count low and don’t have anything too elaborate.
Post # 4
Well, are your deposits refundable? Could YOU raise the money for the wedding, or could you split the amount of money they gave you and put, say, 2/3 of it towards a down payment and 1/3 towards a wedding, and then pay for the “difference” yourselves?
Looks from your date like you have a little over a year until the wedding – do you think if you used only a portion of the money for the wedding, could you and your FH save a targeted amount over the next year to make up the difference?
Post # 5
I would probaby have to go with the down payment on the house and have a small wedding. Just because it is small it can still be nice. I am sure your parents would still be okay with that idea.
Post # 6
ooh, that’s a tough situation. You can’t split the money? Some money towards the wedding and some towards a house?
Post # 7
I’m wrestling with the guilt of wanting a large wedding or saving our money for rainy days right now (the economy is shaky)…so you’re not alone! I so want a big day, but I feel guilty when I think about blowing our nesteggs on one big party (we saved for it ourselves).
I think in the end I would find a happy medium. Just enjoy it now that you already put down the deposit. Perhaps you can scale it down a little so that you can still have money left over for married life.
Post # 8
My parents gave us almost the same option. not for the down payment b/c I already have a house but to finish renos.
We decided to spent some on the wedding and use some for the house