Feeling really lost in life

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Aw *hugs*

I think you just need a little balance. Not everyone drinks and parties and dyes their hair bright purple in their teens/20s. I sure didn’t. Yeah, you’re doing the mom thing very young, but I think that going to school is a great idea – and you’re never too old, especially these days. I would start by figuring out what you’d like to study, and then start taking some classes (maybe don’t enroll for a full-on degree yet). Try and get out there a bit, and meet people. You don’t need to be the perfect Stepford Wife/mom. No one is.. it’s just an illusion.

Have you talked to your SO about this? Does he know that you’re not quite happy being just a mom? I think that all moms need interests outside the home as well. Hopefully he is willing to either take on some childcare responsibilities or have a babysitter come in and help sometimes to give you some free time to do other activities besides child-rearing.

Post # 4
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@sparky263:  I think part of the reason that you are feeling like this is because you were so young when you had your children and consequently lost out on some years that you probably would have spent going to concerts, dying your hair, getting piercings, etc. To me, it seems like you did go from being a teenager and only having to worry about yourself to being a mom overnight- perhaps missing some steps in between. 

From your post, it seems like you are doing the right thing by putting your children first and being a good mom. However, it also kind of seems like you need to think a little bit more for youself. I think it’s okay to go out sometimes and have a few drinks with friends. Just because your boyfriend is against drinking doesn’t mean that you have to be that way too. I’m not saying to go get hammered, but it might be good for you to go out with some girlfriends and have a few drinks.

Have you tried talking to anyone? That could also help. 

Post # 5
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sparky263:  I’m sorry that you missed that whole 18-22 year old crazy college years, because what you’re describing is what I did back then!! 1) You ARE NOT too old to go back to school. Are you kidding?? DO IT! 2) 37 isn’t old, I’m 35 and I still feel 20. Age is just a number. 3) I am friends with a lot of moms who still go have a few drinks after work with their friends, and are good responsible moms who do not wear pastel blouses and brown pants lol. My question is, what are you doing right now to make yourself happy? Do you have a hobby? Do you work? What fulfills you? What do you feel passionate about besides your kids?  Everyone needs to find something that fills their soul. I think school would be a great idea, and not online, actually on campus. Start with some pre-recs at your local community college, meet some people, find something that you’re interested in studying!! And find some time for you. Find a friend to meet every Wed and have a martini with her. 😉

Post # 6
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

When I was in community college there were people there taking classes who were in their 60s and 70s! You’re definitely never too old to get an education

Post # 7
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@sparky263:  I think what you are feeling is quite normal. I wouldn’t overthink these things in your position because most of us feel lost and emotional sometmes.

I come from an circle of ‘alternative’ friends. We also have tattoos, piercings and we party sometimes. We also listen to heavy metal music and wear band shirts and some people also find that juvenile. We rescue animals and I am sure some people think we sacrifice them to the devil or something – just because FI has long hair and a braid-worthy beard and for three years we lived full-time on a goat farm. Can you imagine? Shit is conservative around here.

But you know what? I am thirty years old, I have a job and I am doing my masters degree. Who you are should never limit what you want to achieve. So what if you aren’t a cookie-cutter person? You have a whole life ahead of you lady, live it your way. And for the love of Bacchus never stop wearing Black Sabbath shirts. I am typing this wearing an Iron Maiden hoodie, because I’m awesome.

Post # 9
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I really feel for you. I am not in a totally similar boat, as I am 21 & married, but I don’t have kids.

I am actually afraid to have them & have to conform to what society says a mom should be, so I understand the emotions about wanting to be a good mom, but being afraid to lose your own identity & your own dreams due to what the stereotypes say a mom has to be.

While I do think that tattoos are extreme, as is dying your hair crazy colors & getting piercing, you are still a person with aspirations & you should pursue them. You can still go out & have a few drink, you can still put on your band T-shirt and hit the front row of the stage. & you can certainly still go back to school. Maybe going back to school would make it easier to make a few friends (I struggle with this too, as I am in a very different place than other people my age).

I am personally facing my own difficult situation, because last year I finally had a professor who believed in me & told me that I am just to bright not to go to graduate school. I swear her words changed my life. I worked my butt off last year to get a 3.7 gpa for my junior year. But now, as a senior, I still only have a 3.4 gpa, & I have yet to study for the GRE test, which is required for graduate school. I have to take the test by mid-october so starting monday I am going to CRAM for 2-3 hours per day.

I’m so worried that my past is going to ruin my future & I seriously hate myself right now. If I don’t get into grad school, or can’t afford it for that matter, I am going to feel like such a failure.

 

Post # 11
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

i had my eldest son when i was 19.By the time i was 21 i was a divorced single mum. The others mums at the playgroup all looked down their noses at me too,pretty much most of them didnt speak to me. ironic now though as my son is now 25 and has an amazing career.two of the stuck up mums are now visiting their sons in prison lol.i def also wasnt a blousey mom thats for sure 🙂 i made a pact with myself to raise my son in the best way possible,that to me meant instilling morals and such like,not baking cookies!

its so easy to get into feeling you have missed certain aspects of the young years but you ARE still entitled to let you hair down and have some ‘self time’. i did and found a great balance

i also went back to college in my 40’s and qualified in beauty and massage therapy and made some really good friends.So do it,get out a little,make new friends and find a balance that suits you

good luck!

Post # 14
Member
954 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@sparky263:  You’re never too old for school!

Im 29 and I’m going back this fall! I didn’t have kids to occupy my 20’s, I did half of a University degree, than dropped out to ‘find myself’, that hard part is that you’re always growing and changing, and you can only find yourself so much, before you grow out of person again. 

Maybe school will be the ticket to you finding yourself apart from being mom, maybe it’s the start of that process!

Good Luck! Xo

Post # 16
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@sparky263:  Rock that shirt lady! The thing that sucks about the internet is that if you were local I’d invite you to come mess around on my drum kit and play guitar or something. The thing is though, you have your entire life to figure out what you want. what you care about. I do so hope it’s not organic farming, but to each their own. So what you have kids? It makes it harder but not impossible. Save up cash, get a bass guitar and google simple bass tabs, it’s so much fun and easy to get the hang of certain riffs. Or buy some pencils and sketching paper. Brew your own beer/mead. That takes care of getting toasted sometimes 🙂 LOL.  The possibilities are endless.

My step-dad has long hair and he wears a long-sleeved shirt in support of my ex-bfs black metal band – I mean, I’m was proud of him for not being the same as every other buttoned-up dad in high school. I was dead chuffed to have a ‘weird’ dad. And you know what? Your kids will feel the same. Hang in there, try not to overthink things. You have a head on your shoulders, you’ll get there. At 24 I didn’t know shit about what I honest-to-goodness cared about – these things reveal themselves as time goes by.

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