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I just discovered this website a few weeks ago, and I love it! So happy to know that there are other that can relate.
I've been with my man about 3 years, i'm 29, turning 30 relatively soon, and realized not long ago that it's time for us to move forward. I love him, I know he loves me, but I have decided I cannot wait much longer. What he's doing is cruel. He constantly talks about us getting married, where the wedding will be, where we'll live, what we'll name our children, when we'll have our children. He almost always brings it up. But when i realized I was ready, and I brought up the fact that talk is cheap, it seemed like it hit him, like he uh oh....this is real. He realized there's a time issue.
Now every time we go on a trip, or have a dinner together, or go on a date....i am expecting it to happen. i feel like i'm going crazy. i've decided to put my own time limit on it. if it doesn't happen in the next few weeks...i think i'm going to call it quits. i just don't deserve to feel this way anymore. I mean, i'm so resentful towards him for acting like this, i don't want to have sex, i don't want to spend too much time with him, b/c i get so angry!
I don't know if I should tell him this, or just prepare myself for us to end. I know that sounds harsh, but the plain fact is, i'm ready and he's not, should we really be together?
Is being married so important to you that you would be willing to leave a relationship with someone that you love? I think that people can have fulfilling relationships without being married but not everyone believes that. I would not give him an ultimatum, you don't want to force someone to do something that they aren't ready for and then have problems down the line. Good luck with whatever you decide.
I totally know how you feel. I think you should definitely let him know how you are feeling. I had kind of the same thing happen a little over a year ago, I don' think he knew how much not being engaged really bothered me. He thought it was all about having a ring, but it was really about him walking the walk of what he said was going to happen, and our lives/relationsip progressing forward. I think you guys should talk, and set a timeline of when things should happen, and how long you can really wait it out.
I guess I look at it this way, does being a bachelor mean enough to him to lose a relationship with a woman he loves? I've waited for a while now, and it makes me feel like he doesn't think i'm worth it. i know that's not true, in college, my group of guy friends voted me most likely to get married, and here i am, 7 years out, and most of them are married, and i'm still feeling "unworthy". i t just makes me wonder if my guy and i are really on different pages. he's a bit older, but definitely loves to act like a kid. why should i put up with him wanting to be a kid forever?
I was engaged, then cancelled the wedding, then broke up with my bf 6 months later. Having been through all of that I've come to the realisation that I would have gladly given up all the wedding stuff just to be happy with my bf again. A wedding can seem so important at the time, but when you're no longer with the person you love, you quickly realise how little it matters.
Waiting sucks - I know, I've been there too. I was with my ex for over 5 years and had moved overseas to be with him before he proposed. If a wedding is really what you want then by all means, set a deadline and leave if it's not adhered to. But if this man is the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with then are you really that willing to throw it all away?
thanks divergirl! we have talked about it, and he claims he's looking..but he's been saying that forever. and i know this is horrible to admit, but i've looked through his computer history. no searches for rings, ring stores, nothing. i feel like he's just stringing me along.
also, i work full time, and take night classes full time to go to finish up premed requirements. i have no free time at all. NONE. any free second i have, i spend with him. and he totally takes it for granted. i'm not willing to give up all of my breathing time for someone who doesn't seem to think i'm worth being with forever. and after 3 years and putting up with a lot, he should know by now.
Nothing to see here.... my post was no longer relevant so I pulled it down. Move along now. ;)
thanks everyone! i think i will talk to him (again). but im tired of being gentle. i think i just have to be honest. we're from the same hometown, and i think i'm just going to tell him i'm not going home for thanksgiving as just his girlfriend. it's either going to be as his fiance, or as nothing.
i know i sound harsh. but what he's doing is unfair, and doing nothing but showing laziness, thoughtlessness, and a complete disregard for what I want. i don't put up with that easily. i just don't have time for it.
@sepilove: I checked my b/f's history, and he deleted all evidence of ring shopping. When b/f and I had this discussion last Nov. he said that we would be engaged by end of Aug. next year. So we decided that if we were not engaged by then we would seperate. We ended up getting engaged beg. of September, due to unplanned trips and scheduling.
I don't think he should be stringing you along indefinitely, it's just not fair.
Have you ever discussed a timeline with him? If you haven't, maybe a serious sit down convo, where are you very open and honest with him about all your feelings that you've written here would help?
Without him knowing that you're so frustrated, an ultimatum would be like a slap in the face. But only you know your relationship with him to make that call.
I have not discussed any specific time line with him, i hinted that he could not do it on my birthday (in dec). i completely expected it before then. we had discussed it in early summer. in fact, he seemed to hint that he would do it on our summer beach trip. never happened, obviously. when we returned i told him that i had expected it,and he seemed shocked. i sat down with him and explained to him that if things were to happen at the time line that he wants, he had to propose soon. b/c i certainly don't plan on giving birth to our children during my 1st year of med school, i still want to move around a little bit before settling down and having children, and he wants us to settle down in our parents hometown. when he seemed to be calculating the timelines he seemed super shocked.
and all i could think of, was, is he a completely moron? how did it not occur to him that there's a timeline here?
I know I sound so mean, he's probably one of the sweetest guys i've ever met, but i'm just so frustrated. and it's not like i have time to go vent to my friends. i literally spend every minute when i'm not studying with him. so i'm just venting a lot.
In january I told my Bf that we needed to get married before we turn 30 in july ...and I really thought it was not going to happen and I realized it didnt matter as long as we were happy ( almost all of our friends who got married are over) anyway In June he proposed ultimatims work try one and see what happens!
what annoys me too, is that anytime he brings it up, he says we're going to have a short engagement. wth? that's not what i want. i've told him he's off base with that, he just looks at me confused. i'd prefer getting engaged sooner at least feeling a little relieved, and then worryin g about an actual wedding (which both of us want to do in europe as a small small ceremony). i just feel like he hasn't thought about what i want in all of this. and it just pisses me off. makes me feel like we shoudln't be together.
ugh. sorry, that was another vent.
I think lying is a big deal. And in a way when he tells you by all sorts of signals that he wants to marry you and wil propose and then doesn't and doesn't and doesn't it's a lie of a sort.
I also know that personally for me it's a big deal that a person "walk the walk". When it comes to anything if the guy saying he's going to do it - I expect him to do it. People who talk a big game but never come through drive me crazy and I have no respect for that.
It sounds like you've been pretty clear with him. If you can't be happy as his girlfriend for another year or two it might be time to end it.
I agree with this thinking so much. Being married is not so important that you should be breaking up with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with because they aren't adhering to a timeline. I think people need to sometimes examine WHY they want to be married so badly. Do you love this man so much that you want to be with him forever (seemingly no if you would leave him because he isn't moving fast enough) or do you just want to have a ring or wedding or what?
I guess try to speak with him and tell him that his talking about it but not proposing is really bothering you. Plus, I would say forget the romantic proposal type of thing - obviously if he's going to recieve an ultimatum the romance and surprise is going to be sucked out of it. Just tell him you want to go out, pick a ring and start planning a wedding and see what he says. Perhaps he thinks you are rushing?
I don't think i'm rushing. I think this is just a serious difference b/t he and i. i'm the type of person who sees something she wants, i work hard towards it, and i go out and get it. it's not rushed or poorly thought out. it's just knowing. he's the type of person he sees something he likes, thinks about it for forever, and by the time he realizes it's a good idea to go after, it's been years!
it's a very serious discrepancy b/t us two. i've always felt like it did provide a balance in the relationship, he forced me to sit still and try to enjoy the present, but i feel like i've sat still for long enough. i've told him this. and it's been a source of depression for me. i won't keep doing it to myself.
I understand where you are coming from. Wanting to marry the man you love and waiting for however how long, and becoming frustrated with still being classified as his girlfriend, doesn't mean you are waiting for some wedding/party and NOT the marriage aspect.
I say talk to him and tell him how this is making you feel. Don't bottle it up and let it explode on him out of nowhere. I hope things work out for you all.
I think you are perfectly well within your rights to do so. If marriage is important to you, then you need to let him know loud and clear or move on. I hate seeing women wait and wait and wait, and then all of a sudden, they find themselves out of child bearing years. That's not fair to you. Don't sit on the sidelines of your life.
@sepilove: I know you're frustrated. But re-read your posts. If you truly want to marry this guy do you think is fair of you to a) call him a moron and b) to assume (and yes, you are assuming) that he is "thoughtless," "lazy," and "completely disregarding" you? If you really believe these things, then by all means, leave him.
But you know, men are not mind-readers. Stop being passive-agressive. Stop coming up with secret timelines after which you'll leave him (probably totally confused--is that the way you want to treat anyone you love?) Stop going through his computer history. Stop being secretly resentful. If you want to get married, then you need to tell him that. Inaction on his behalf does not mean that he thinks you're "not worth it." There are a lot of reasons why he might not be moving on an engagement, not the least of which might be he doesn't understand how badly you want it.
A conversation about marriage doesn't mean you issue an ultimatum and it doesn't mean that you say, "I expect you to propose soon"; it means that you have a serious, calm discussion about your future and ask him (and give him the chance to ask you) whether he's ready for marriage or not and at least let him know where you stand on marriage. It also means discussing the nitty-gritty--not just "oh we'll have kids" but WHEN will you have kids and who's going to take care of them when you're in medical school? What cit(ies) do you want to live in? What's your vision of a life together?
But the bottom line is: You can't assume he doesn't care about you when you haven't let him know explicitly what you want.
I hope everything works out, it sounds like you two have a beautiful relationship.
I have a good guy friend who was ready to marry his girlfriend but she got so "obsessed" (his word, not mine) about getting engaged and getting married that he felt like he couldn't surprise her. So he stopped ring shopping, hoping she would stop all the ring talk but it just got worse. At this point, he has no intentions of proposing because he doesn't feel like she cares about marrying HIM. He feels like she just wants the sparkly ring and the lavish wedding.
She, on the other hand, is ready to leave because she doesn't feel like he's ever going to commit.
Moral of the story being... talk about it.
I hated hated hated hated hatedx100000000 waiting. I hope that your waiting ends soon, with a happy ending!!!! You're in my thoughts girl :)
"No one knows the dynamics of your relationship except you and your partner" my SO says this all the time. If you feel like he is dragging his feet say something. From your posts you clearly understand the consequences and it doesn't seem like you are rushing anything. Good Luck to you.
Fantastic post! So true that this happens to a lot of women - they drive their bf away by seemingly being obsessive about getting married. I'm sure it can make a man feel like he's being taken advantage of - like he is just someone to put time in with to eventually get a ring and proposal out of. I am by NO means saying that the original poster is having that type of issue, but there does seem to be a lot of that type of problem on these boards.
For me, the bottom line is if you love him and you want to get married to him really badly - then propose to him! We aren't living in the dark ages - women are allowed to do whatever we want. Someone should propose to you or vice versa because they want to spend the rest of their lives with you and are ready. We are all different - some are ready before others. So if you really want it, OP - why not propose to him? He may really love that as it might take the pressure off of him if he isn't good with decisions and timeliness...
I really hate that when a driven woman that wants something - especially in terms of marriage - makes her "obsessed" and "pushy" etc, etc.
I don't agree with the name-calling (totally out of line) but I will have to say it's refreshing to see someone in waiting that will give an "ultimatum". It's not about how much you love your guy. It's about wanting to get married and have a family. About a vision you have for your life.
And truthfully, there are probably many people you can do that with.
It sounds like to me that you've had plenty of conversations about why and when and unfortunately he does not sound like he's on the same page.
I've said this probably 3 other times before, but if you live together I would think about moving out. Him taunting you like that is absolutely horrible.
I honestly think sometimes waiting is total bullshit, especially in this situation. I get the suspense & all of that, but if you both love each other, want families and are actively talking about it, then this is total crap. No where did I see you say anything about a huge ring and wedding, just that you want to take the next step. And you are more than entitled to it!!!
I strongly disagree with the posters accusing the OP of simply wanting a wedding and not to be with the man she's with. Why can't she want it all? Why does wanting marriage and children mean she doesn't love her BF and want those things with him? Why does it have to be all about him and his wants and on his timetable? Just because a woman knows what she wants and is willing to be vocal about it doesn't make her "obsessed" or "pushy." To the contrary, willing to wait for X number of years silently and without any resentment, watching your childbearing years slip through your fingers because you don't want to risk losing your BF seems the very opposite of healthy and empowered.
Also, the OP said she's talked to him on multiple occasions about this. It's not like he doesn't know what she wants. He does know what she wants, he's just not acting on it because it's not what he wants. Thus, something needs to be done.
There are risks with an ultimatum. You are accepting the fact that your man very well might give you what you want, but you'll never quite know if that's because it's what he wants as well, or because he didn't want to lose you. If you're ok with that, by all means, give him the ultimatum. If you're not okay with that, however, it may be time to re-assess your relationship.
One more thing: tell your BF to stop bringing up marriage and kids, because it's hurtful to you. I had to tell my BF that while I was waiting. He didn't realize that every time he brought the subject up, it made the waiting that much harder. He understood and stopped. He also proposed not long after.
I didn't accuse the OP herself of just wanting a wedding and a marriage but I don't apologize for saying I see it a lot here. Marriage is not a goal to achieve. It is a relationship status. Marriage is an effect of a relationship between two people that have MUTUALLY decided that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. It isn't a goal to achieve by 'putting in the time' with a man hoping that he will eventually want to marry you. That's backwards, to me.
I mean, I can't imagine saying to myself 'boy, I wish I had a husband' because its not a sweater or a new car. A husband is not an object or a goal to attain. A wife is not an occupation or an achievement. If I loved my bf and wanted to be with him forever then I would sit down with him and have an adult conversation about where he would like to see our relationship in the future. I wouldn't sit around waiting for him to ask me - and then get mad if he doesn't. This isn't the Victorian era, you know? If you want something then speak with him and see if the two of you are compatible in that respect. If so, figure out how to go about it. That doesn't make it his timetable and his wants - that makes it their timetable and their wants or compromise, which is what marriage should be about.
I mean, you can't just hint, cry, nag or force a person into WANTING to ask you to marry them. If you give someone an ultimatium then you are in effect either begging them to WANT to marry you or trying to bully them into WANTING to marry you. How could that possibly be a situation that is going to end well? If you had spoken about having a child and you and your husband have talked about it and shared ideas about it and he then came to you and said 'I've been waiting 5 years now for you to ask me to have a baby and I want one within the next 6 months or I'm leaving you' does that seem like a man you want to stay with? Someone that would threaten you into a committment? Even if you did decide to have a baby with him after he issued you an ultimatum I'm sure it wouldn't be done with the sincere romance and excitement it would have been if you had been spoken to like an adult, you know? You can't threaten your way into marriage - resentment will always be there, imo.
I do totally agree with you on the last statement. He may enjoy talking about the future and fantasizing about it with her, but its clearly hurting the OP so I don't think she should allow him to discuss it if it isn't something he wants.
Thank you,
I'm sitting in a coffee shop away from home studying. i do not live with him, i told him i won't do so until we're engaged. plus, i own my own place, and, quite frankly, it's much too small for both of us to live in.
i love him a lot. but last night he calls me drunk after watching his football game and said some really immature things (nothing bad directed at me), but its another sign that he's not ready to grow up. i, on the other hand, have a mortgage, bills, a full time job, i'm on my condo board, and am busy studying my butt off all the time. i'm an adult. don't get me wrong, i love football and fun, but i have my priorities. i expect whoever i'm with to support me with my responsibilities. i don't mean pay my bills, etc. These are things that i chose for myself...but i mean be emotionally supportive.
if he's not ready to own up to being an adult (he's in his thirties) yet, if he's not willing to be a man for me,i just don't see how this can continue.
i told him that i will not be a mother to him. i want the man that i marry to be an adult. sure, i'll "mother him" sometimes. but i have enough to take care of. if he sees all these things about me, sees me carry so much, knows me for me adn what i've brought to the table, and wants nothing more but to continue having his fun without being willing to stand up and help me when i need it, i just dont know how this can continue. i dont mean that he doens't help me sometiems. he often brings me groceries adn does help out. but when i'm at home studying, and he keeps calling me drunk saying stupid things. it's a reminder of his immaturity.
he keeps texting me. he knows he's in trouble. and i know he must have come to my place. i'd better go over there and have a talk.
maybe i'm being irrational over a night of stupidity on his part. i don't know.
@sepilove: lol it's easy to find a lot of crap to be annoyed about when you're already pissed. :)
I actually agree with you on a lot. I don't think ultimatums are ever a good idea, for the reasons you stated. I don't think, however, that it's a bad thing to have marriage as one of many life goals. I think to equate wanting marriage to wanting a car or sweater is very dismissive towards a huge number of women who have desired being in such a partnership for most of their lives. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be married someday being a goal in and of itself. Our society conditions us to desire such a partnership from the time we're little girls. It's a completely normal and healthy goal to have in life, much like motherhood, owning a home, ect.
I do understand that society has told women they should want/need a husband but I guess I just find that to be insulting - for me only, not anyone else. I guess I'm a strange case, lol - I don't ever want children either so maybe I've just bucked society's trend, Idk. :)
Like I said, I know there are women that want marriage as a goal but I just don't understand it. I understand wanting to marry someone specific - to love them so much that you want to spend your life with them. I just don't understand wanting to BE married without the actual specific someone. I know that's confusing, I've just never said 'oh, I want to be married' instead of 'oh, I want to marry XX'. I consider a goal something that you work hard at to attain, a benchmark or achievment - falling in love and getting married doesn't fit into those definitions, for ME. I don't mean to speak for anyone else, but I do like to interject sometimes to remind people that marriage isn't a degree that you earn, lol but more than that to let them know that marriage isn't some magical continent where unicorns and leprechauns live - it's not like if they have a loving relationship with someone that they are losing out on this amazing utopia by not being married - its still just a relationship and I do worry that those people that make finding a man to want to marry them a lifegoal will be sorely disappointed that it isn't the diamond encrusted oasis they seem to be driving towards.
My parents have been married 46 years so it's not that I don't understand marriage I just don't understand wanting to be married for the sake of being married. I suppose I just don't like the sound of women desiring a relationship status as a goal in their lives. If I asked a friend what she wanted to do in life and she answered me that she wanted to be married I wouldn't consider that something attained, you know? Just like if my teenage niece said her goal is to find a boyfriend - well, I'll just say I wouldn't be very happy with that answer.
It's a life experience, like anything else. Kids, first kiss, career, marriage, ect. All life experiences we're socially conditioned to desire. As women, kids and marriage are usually on the top of the "list." It's great that you never really caught the marriage or children "bug," (I don't mean this as an insult at ALL, I find your posts very insightful and interesting, but I do wonder why you hang around a website called the "weddingbee" if you don't desire to get married or have kids..) but for the vast majority of American women, this is indeed the case. There's really nothing wrong or abnormal about it.
And can I just tell you I absolutely LOVE the phrase "diamond encrusted oasis"? Must find a way to work that into conversation... :D
I know I'm the abnormal one here, lol! I don't take it as an insult at all and I do enjoy your posts as well. I actually love weddings and love helping my girlfriends plan and everything so I'm not a total anomaly! :)
My bf and I after 7 years have been discussing taking the plunge for the benefits that come from marriage (taxes, being able to make decisions for each other, legal issues, so that I can wear an awesome gown;), and to make our dog an honest furbaby) so I've been looking all over the internet searching for info and etiquette on eloping, DWs and other ways to do this without a ton of hoopla - and found this site. It's really a great site and having already had a wedding once it's fun to see what the other girls are doing. Just wanted to qualify my presence lest I look like a wierdo looking through sites that I have nothing to do with :P
Lol - thanks = please let me know if you were able to work the oasis remark into conversation :)
luckyprincess,
I agree with a lot of what you say. I'm also someone who never wanted to get married, I wanted to get married to a specific person - once I found that person.
However, to use your very own example. If I had always told my husband that I wanted children, if he would talk about our future children all the time but every time I brought up anything conrete he seemed shocked and refused to agree to start trying or even develop a timeline for when he wanted to start trying. After a year or two I would have a serious freak out - I'd throw a fit and make him tell me what the hell is going on and what he really wants - this would be a huge huge problem and I don't think a person would be entirely out of line to leave someone because of it. It would almost be worse than someone actually saying "I'm not sure about children for reasons x, I need more time" because for the second you can make a mature decision to wait but the other is someone f*king with your head. And that is wrong.
Her bf knows she wants to marry him. He talks about it all the time. He is shocked, just shocked, when actual contrete timse are brought up. To me that's alarming.
@Arachna:
I agree, I think that perhaps he is a dreamer and not very good at 'doing', especially after reading OPs latest post. I also agree that if she stays with him, she needs to set some boundaries about him talking about it. Plus, it seems there is a lot of guessing and hinting and spying (no judging here) going on about if he is really going to do it. But if waiting to hope he's going to do it is causing the poor OP such strife I say stop the waiting bs - I'm thinking that if she's feeling like leaving him than we're beyond the 'surprise romantic proposal' point. If he is the one, then propose to him in some way and then you'll know. But the only one that knows for sure if he is 'the one' is the OP.
WOOOOW! I so know how you feel on this one... I feel the same way. But here is some advice that you may want to keep in mind.
I resented my boyfriend to the point where we would fight which got us nowhere. I have been with my bf for 5 and 1/2 years "waiting" for about a year and a half. The thing is the resentful feeling will definitely go away and instead it will bite you in the butt.
I wanted to be engaged so bad that when he was finally ready I got so scared. What happened was I put up a huge wall since he was taking forever, when it was time to talk business I couldn't let that wall down. Since he threw the engagement talk under the bus a year and half ago, I do right back at him.
Now, I am still not engaged. However, I know it is coming and I am so scared. He wanted to go look at rings and he had to drag me in there.
If you start to resent him, you guys will fight, and if you fight you will push him away and he wont want to propose. If you put up a wall because you are being stubborn about the situation then it will be hard to put that wall down.
I know its frustrating but you have to let him guide you. Try really hard to be positive!!!!
@sepilove: I want you to know that I know EXACTLY how you feel because I feel the same way. For those who don't want marriage or kids then good for you. But for those of us who do then there is a timeline to it. Life is short. You don't want to let it pass you by and regretting your choices. There is a woman I know that's been waiting for 14 years. Utterly ridiculous if you ask me! It goes back to the old saying "why by the cow if you can have the milk for free". It's okay to let him lead the train but the woman needs to steer sometimes.
I've been with my BF for 3 1/2 years. I told him in Jan 2010 that I would not go into 2011 without being engaged. Period! I don't think he took it seriously. So I mentioned it a few months ago again and we went ring shopping twice. My bday was the other day and no proposal! I was so upset. Just because time is running out. And regardless if he felt the severity of it or not. I WIL NOT go into 2011 without a ring. That's just me. To each their own. I feel like the original poster is a very stable, established woman that knows what she wants. Therefore you should set your standard and not change it for anyone. It's not about loving or not loving your man. It's about the commitment and moving forward with your life vs. staying in limbo.
I totally feel the original poster with her resentment and anger. It hurts. Women (most) are emotional creatures. I have gone through my days. Especially this weekend (my bday) with no proposal. I simply told him "actions speak louder than words....and I'm tired of waiting". If that doesn't say it all then I don't know what does. I don't really agree with giving an ultimatium per say. But I've been telling my BF that my patience is quickly running out. I don't want to tell him "yeah at 11:59p on Dec. 31st I'm out" Although they may work I want to put some fire under him but not with too much pressure.
I just wanted to chime in on this one becuase I never wanted to get married either until I met my Ex and then I really wanted it WITH HIM. I wish I'd realized earlier that marriage was in the cards for me, perhaps I would have qualified him a little better...LOL! Maybe with that experience behind me I can be more aware, and protect me heart a bit better.
It's not like a car or a sweater but it's a big life step. Do you want to be alone or have a partner in your life? I didn't realize it was important and then when I met someone I connected with so deeply, it threw me off. I wanted it Bad. And it was excruciating.
"I really hate that when a driven woman that wants something - especially in terms of marriage - makes her "obsessed" and "pushy" etc, etc."
Thanks for saying that! It reminded me of this quote from Gloria Steinem: "A man is aggressive if he starts a war. A woman is agressive if she puts you on hold".
So hooray for the women out there who know what they want!!!
thanks ladies!
i have an exam tomorrow, so i don't know if i can address all the comments, but i want you to know that i do love him! he's not my first love, i was with someone for 6 years who broke my heart. that's when i decided that when i found love again, i had better make sure it's set in stone (literally). so three years is long enough to know, in my mind. and if he's more of a thinker than a doer...then he'd either better get busy doing or get busy leaving. i am just such a doer that in a case like this, i don't have the patience to sit and wait. i also don't necessarily believe in one soul mate, and that it takes a LOT more than love to make a marriage work. A marriage is something that you have to wake up to every morning, and make a promise that you'll work on. So i know the person i'm with has love me enough and be dedicated to me enough that he'll do that. and i think my guy is definitely like that. i'm very lucky (usually).
we had our discussion on saturday. it definitely started off as an argument. i told him his time was running out. he told me since i've started both school and work that i'm not the same woman that he fell in love with (you have to understand that school and work has taken over my life, i'm at work at 7 am and don't get home from class until almost 11 pm, so i'm exhausted most of hte time), but he knows it's temporary and that he decided a long time ago that i was the woman he was going to marry. so i told him he'd better get to it or he's done for. :). afterwards he went grocery shopping, and cooked me enough food to make it through the week....
so...i didn't give him the exact date that's in my mind. but i'm not kidding about thanksgiving.
ugh. sorry that i can't think of more. but i definitely find myself in small fits of anger when i'm at work and i'm imagining him going several more weeks without proposing. i get so sad, and then i think of leaving him....it's awful. but i really don't plan on being with him any longer if he's not on the same page....
ok, wish me luck for my exam!
@sepilove: Good luck with the exam! I feel like I am in such a similar situation as you! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years and he never brings up marriage, the future etc. I have had a couple talks with him and he has confirmed that within a year he will be able to decide if we will get married or if we should break up. Usually our relationship is smooth but lately I can't help but feel resentment towards his lack of planning or care about the future. I also plan on applying to grad school in a year and I told him that by that point in time, he needs to either be with me 100% committed and engaged or we need to part ways. So now I am waiting too - I gave him my deadline and he gave me a timeline - I guess I'll see what happens. It still frustrates me though when I think of all the time and effort I put into the relationship and loving him that he still isn't 'sure.' Recently I have been getting upset with him more and he has noticed this. I told him it is a result of my feelings of frustration due to the uncertaintly of our relationship at 3.5 years still. My advice would be to stick to your timeline/deadline and see what he does. At least he told you he saw you as the woman he wanted to marry. Then it's up to him to man up and get the balls to take the next step. Women can't wait forever and some men don't understand that concept. His actions are louder than his words. If he proposes before your deadline - congratulations :-). If he doesn't, it will be clear he is either too immature, doesn't know what he wants or is too tied to his bachelorhood. When you think of it in those terms, I wouldn't want to be dedicated to someone like that anyway.
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