Feeling resentful, frustrated, not sure how much more of this I can take…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is being married so important to you that you would be willing to leave a relationship with someone that you love?  I think that people can have fulfilling relationships without being married but not everyone believes that.  I would not give him an ultimatum, you don’t want to force someone to do something that they aren’t ready for and then have problems down the line.  Good luck with whatever you decide.

Post # 4
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally know how you feel. I think you should definitely let him know how you are feeling. I had kind of the same thing happen a little over a year ago, I don’ think he knew how much not being engaged really bothered me. He thought it was all about having a ring, but it was really about him walking the walk of what he said was going to happen, and our lives/relationsip progressing forward. I think you guys should talk, and set a timeline of when things should happen, and how long you can really wait it out.

Post # 6
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I was engaged, then cancelled the wedding, then broke up with my bf 6 months later.  Having been through all of that I’ve come to the realisation that I would have gladly given up all the wedding stuff just to be happy with my bf again.  A wedding can seem so important at the time, but when you’re no longer with the person you love, you quickly realise how little it matters. 

Waiting sucks – I know, I’ve been there too.  I was with my ex for over 5 years and had moved overseas to be with him before he proposed.  If a wedding is really what you want then by all means, set a deadline and leave if it’s not adhered to.  But if this man is the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with then are you really that willing to throw it all away?

Post # 8
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Nothing to see here…. my post was no longer relevant so I pulled it down. Move along now. 😉

Post # 10
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@sepilove: I checked my b/f’s history, and he deleted all evidence of ring shopping. When b/f and I had this discussion last Nov. he said that we would be engaged by end of Aug. next year. So we decided that if we were not engaged by then we would seperate. We ended up getting engaged beg. of September, due to unplanned trips and scheduling.

I don’t think he should be stringing you along indefinitely, it’s just not fair.

Post # 11
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Have you ever discussed a timeline with him? If you haven’t, maybe a serious sit down convo, where are you very open and honest with him about all your feelings that you’ve written here would help?

Without him knowing that you’re so frustrated, an ultimatum would be like a slap in the face. But only you know your relationship with him to make that call.

Post # 13
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

In january I told my Bf  that we needed to get married before we turn 30 in july …and I really thought it was not going to happen and I realized it didnt matter as long as we were happy ( almost all of our friends who got married are over)  anyway In June he proposed  ultimatims work  try one and see what happens!

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I think lying is a big deal.  And in a way when he tells you by all sorts of signals that he wants to marry you and wil propose and then doesn’t and doesn’t and doesn’t it’s a lie of a sort.

I also know that personally for me it’s a big deal that a person “walk the walk”.  When it comes to anything if the guy saying he’s going to do it – I expect him to do it.  People who talk a big game but never come through drive me crazy and I have no respect for that. 

It sounds like you’ve been pretty clear with him.  If you can’t be happy as his girlfriend for another year or two it might be time to end it.

Post # 16
Member
1267 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsSaltWaterTaffy:

I agree with this thinking so much.  Being married is not so important that you should be breaking up with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with because they aren’t adhering to a timeline.  I think people need to sometimes examine WHY they want to be married so badly.  Do you love this man so much that you want to be with him forever (seemingly no if you would leave him because he isn’t moving fast enough) or do you  just want to have a ring or wedding or what? 

I guess try to speak with him and tell him that his talking about it but not proposing is really bothering you.  Plus, I would say forget the romantic proposal type of thing – obviously if he’s going to recieve an ultimatum the romance and surprise is going to be sucked out of it.  Just tell him you want to go out, pick a ring and start planning a wedding and see what he says.  Perhaps he thinks you are rushing?

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