Feeling resentful towards in laws – vent

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
7284 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Pokemon:  FFIL sounds like he just likes to complain. Just ignore it. FSIL is a child and should be treated as such which I think you have been doing. But I do agree with her that her birthday does trump your wedding which is still a week away. You and your FI basically just said to her that your wedding a week away is more important than her birthday. I know you have bad blood but it was her birthday which if I remember correctly she had to change her celebration for your wedding. That is the kind of behaviour I would expect from a teenager like your FSIL but from adults?

As for FMIL- are you really complaining that she booked a blood transfusion just prior to your wedding? Really? Medical care/health trumps wedding in my book. Sorry but that comment just makes you look bad and no one else.

Post # 4
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think you are taking a lot of things really personally. If I were your FSIL and you refused to let me bring a date, and told me your wedding which is a week away trumps my birthday I probably wouldn’t be in a rush to add you into my “Family” photo collage either. Especially when you couldn’t take even an hour to see her on her birthday. Your wedding is a very big day for you, but she’s a kid. So she acts as such. Give her a break. 

Not even going to touch the FMIL comment.


Post # 5
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Pokemon:  Okay FMIL gets a pass here.  If the doctors are telling her that she NEEDS the transfusion…then she should not put it off for a wedding for sure.

I’m not sure how old you are but I’m curious….FI has a sister younger than 18 who thinks the world revolves around her…well…in her book it does.  This is just how selfish teenagers act.  Some are brattier than others and I’m sorry you are dealing with this.  Sounds like your FMIL might not be in the place to advise her on appropriate dress attire and for that I’m sorry for your situation but if her mom’s sick, she probably is too young to get that when you go to a wedding, you don’t wear white.

FFIL and the rest of the family seem difficult and that does suck.  I would avoid saying that the only thing bad about marrying your FI is his family….unfortunately, we do not get to choose our families and some of us get dealt better ones than others.  All we can do is work on being the best we can and have better families for ourselves and our children.  We can also work on how we interact with our FIL’s and make the best effort we can.  We don’t have to like it, just try to make it better as we can.

Try to not let this bother you and ruin your special day!  Hang in there!

Post # 8
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Pokemon:  Unless you have hlaf-siblings it is a very hard relationship to understand. If they don’t want a relationship with FI let it go. Being upset over it wont help and your wedding is so close why give yourself extra stress. I know what your FI is feeling in that they wont be more supportive but you can’t force people to want to be involved in your life as much as it sucks. I would just chalk that one up as a loss and move on. 




For FSIL I would say she is acting like the baby of the family who is too young to understand the stresses of getting married and it doesn’t sound like shes done anything detrimental. She may have done some really annoying things but I dont think as a teenager I would understand someone putting their wedding over my birthday so you have to realize she is approaching this like a teenager would. I would go the overlyfriendly killer her with kindness route on this one.




FMIL is sick. If she felt she needed a transfusion thursday she needed one. She is probably just mentioning she may not be able to come in the event she cant so no one is shocked. She is clearly really sick and you need to cut her a lot of slack. Treat her as you would want to be treated in that situation. 




FFIL sounds like someone who likes attention and drama. The best way to fix that? Don’t give him any. 


ETA: I am just breaking this stuff down to give you a different point of view, not to critize. Good luck with your wedding!

Post # 9
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Pokemon:  This was the comment I was referring to and I should have quoted it not misquoted it, sorry: “FI and i fought about this last night and I told him that the only doubt i have ever had was because of his family.”

I was only trying to say that maybe it’s not good to say that it’s a doubt because how they treat your FI is out of his control, and it’s not fair on him to feel like you don’t want to be with him because of his family.  

You’ve made some good points about your FI, seems like he wants to try and make everyone in his family happy/makes an effort and it’s not appreciated.  And that’s not good at all ugh.

I just hope that this drama doesn’t ruin your day.  PS…how close are you to his little sister?  Is it possible that you are in a texting/email relationship and you can suggest other dresses to her more appropriate for a wedding?

Post # 11
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I understand why you didn’t want to stay all day long at your FSIL’s birthday… one week away from a wedding isn’t much if you’re still getting things together – you need all the time you can get. A few hours at her birthday is plenty; she’s just a child still and doesn’t understand.

As for giving her a plus one… well, I think you should have. It would’ve eased things a bit. You said she’s been with him less than a year… well, for someone under 18, that’s a long time and quite an accomplishment. Doesn’t seem like a 5 minute boyfriend to me. We didn’t let my youngest brother have a +1. Why? Because he really DID have 5 minute girlfriends – they lasted 2 weeks before he cheated on them or got bored. I’m sure you see the difference.

If you guys have such a hard time with FFIL, why do you keep involving him?

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