Feeling Ridiculous And Sad And Need Advice!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

PettyAnonBee:  oh no! Your FSIL sounds extremely pleasant! The best advice I can give you is this; you guys sound like you have your sh*t together, and like you have a solid relationship. You should count your lucky stars and realize, not only is FSIL ‘losing’ her brother to you (in a way and from her perspective), but she is probably envious of everything else as well.

I find that nastiness like hers often comes from a place of hurt (hidden behind a thick curtain of bit*h). I would just agree with her when she says things like that. Maybe you are a bad decorator? She honestly sounds like she’s feeling inferior and looking for your flaws to make herself feel better.

Is it right? No, obviously. But there’s no sense to dwell on it. As long as your FI has your back, that’s what matters. And who knows, maybe one day you and her will be good friends 🙂

Post # 3
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

PettyAnonBee:  let it roll off your back. I know easier said than done trust me! I have a cousin who makes EVERYTHING a competition and she is always the victim. 

But I always tell myself to take the high road, and I think about how sad her life must be to always have to be in competition with someone, let alone family. 

You need someone to vent to (and NOT your FI!) or come here to Vent. 

Chances are, most people see right through her petty crap but they’re all too polite to call her on it!

Don’t sweat the small stuff, your wedding will be uniquely you and it erk her even more if your smiling the whole time planning too! It’s YOUR day!

Post # 5
Member
41815 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Why is it that you care about the opinion of someone you don’t care about(other than as a FSIL)?

If you valued her opinion, I can see getting upset by what she says or does, but you don’t.

Rather than let a thoughtless, rude, mean, invasive, and just in general  horrible ex-roommate push your buttons when she speaks, just open up both ears and let what she says go in one ear and out the other.

Post # 6
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all, you’re not ridiculous. Your feelings are what they are and you shouldn’t belittle yourself for them. 

Secondly, unless you go around feeling like this about everyone who’s gotten engaged after you have, this is a response you’ve been trained to have specifically for her, based on your previous experiences with her. That truly sucks, as it sounds like you’ve been conditioned to expect the worst and mentally brace yourself to be put down or belittled when she’s around. 

Third, you’re correct in that you really need patience to deal with this situation. It doesn’t sound like she will be the bigger person and you will likely need to step up to the plate on that one. 

But with all of that said – no one’s happiness should come at someone else’s expense. She deserves to have a happy day and beautiful wedding, of course. But belittling you, your taste, your wedding planning schedule, your budget and guests and attire – NONE of that is included in her wedding day nor should it be included as part of her planning process. 

Personally, I surf Pinterest for inspirational phrases on patience, love, and peace when I feel like I need strength when facing trying people or situations. I save my favorite images/phrases to my phone, and on really bad days I post them to Instagram to remind myself to stay in the light and love in the face of negativity. 

But don’t let her run you over. If she insults you directly (and telling you to get a professional decorator because your taste sucks is a direct insult), be polite but firm with a response to the effect of “thank you for your opinion, but this day/life/house/home is mine and I’m happy. Period.” 

Hopefully her wedding will distract her enough to get her off your back and not turn into the competition you fear. 🙁

Post # 8
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

PettyAnonBee:  Yes- totally been there! My cousin tends to run hot/cold too and I get annoyed of the drama. So one day (about 2 years ago) I stopped. I totally dropped it. I am never mean or petty to her, I am always polite and GENUINE to her at family gatherings but I do not allow her to drAF me around or play her games.

My Aunt (who my cousin hates for NO reason at all) gave me some pretty wise advice- she said in life we are ATM’s. Our family and friends make deposits  (through providing us happiness, friendship, empathy ect) and they make withdrawals (a drain on our time, our empathy to them, and maybe even money) but there will always be someone that constantly withdrawals and never deposits. It is up to you to be the one to close their account or they will suck the life out of you – so much that you are unable to give back to the people that matter in your life that are actually depositing into your life as well. So it’s up to us 🙂

 

hugs!

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

PettyAnonBee:  

Personally I would keep my friends close and my “enemy” closer for lack of a better term. Make her a bridesmaid and when she starts to belittle your taste or tell you all about “THE WEDDING” (hers I will assume) just say that you don’t want the two of them to be too similar and you want to make sure everyone remembers that they were seperate events and they don’t blend together. Push her buttons in your favor. And if she turns in to a great BM you have someone to share excitement with. Win win IMO.

Post # 11
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

PettyAnonBee:  good luck with her! And congratulations on your almost house and wedding!!

Post # 13
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If you’re worried about her trying to compete with your wedding, don’t let her find out any details!

Post # 15
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

PettyAnonBee:  I really commend you for thinking about her feelings. I know so many people that would just do what they can to hurt people that bother him. I hope everything works out for you!

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