- 2 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Hey Bees. I’m a regular going anon. I’ve been engaged for about six months to my wonderful FI, but we haven’t been very actively planning because we have been progressively trying to focus on things post wedding. He’s working on getting his professional licensure and my graduate degree is in the works. He’s also been doing a lot of financial research and investment for acquiring a house for us which would be incredible and much earlier than I would have expected. Also, I have to admit that I sort of overdid the wedding excitement before we were engaged and now I realize its just one little day and I’m way more excited to spend the next fifty years with him. I am most excited about saying my vows and if he didn’t have such a large extended family he wants to include in the day we would definitely skip off to the courthouse and move along!
However, here is where it gets sticky for me and super petty and immature.
His little sister just got engaged to a guy who is alright but as a couple I absolutely wished and wished they would either mature dramatically or break up. Ah, I know! 🙁 At one point in college, I had this brilliant idea to room with his sister because I thought it would be a good opportunity to bring us closer together, but she is very unlike my FI, and the year was absolutely horrible for all of us. As a couple, they were thoughtless, rude, mean, invasive, and just in general your horrible roommate plus terrible boyfriend. And while I really, really needed my then SO to stick up for me, it was tough for him becuase she was family. She also was jealous of my relationship with her brother because she wasn’t used to sharing him and would often try and isolate him from me. She would insist on taking him out on dates by herself and running errands with him without me, which was fine, because I had two jobs and didn’t have time for that kind of drama. I recognized some of her feelings and behavior actually because I also have an older brother who I was close with until he got married, so I have always tried to be more sensitive than my brother and SIL were, but it hasn’t seemed to help.
Anyway, I spent the good part of the next year trying to get over this and being chill and letting it go. I mean, I’m an adult, these things happen, the mature thing is to let this go, but sometimes I still get irked by them.
My issue is just that I’m trying to make our wedding a small, lovely affair and to focus on our marriage, but I’m concerned my FSIL is going to keep trying to either A) belittle our event with snide comments (I’m still sensitive, not bulletproof) or B) make it the ultimate competition.
I really just need someone to give me some advice on having patience and not caring about anyone else! All I keep telling myself is that “She is just anoher bride who deserves to have a happy day just like anyone else on this site. It doesn’t matter how mean she was because you are going to know her for a lot longer than you lived with her and it is best just to move on!” But that doesn’t always work when she’s telling you that you probably should hire a professional decorator because your taste sucks and while you’re at it hire one for your house too.