Post # 1
I can’t help but feel a bit down really.
I’ll admit I was kind of hoping something might happen in the next month or so, as per previous discussions with oh, but the other night he told me ‘not to expect anything’ and now I just feel really deflated. We’ve been together 9 years and I’m starting to feel like the lack of engagement is making me feel quite un-special. Just like I’m not worthy of it really.
Not the best start to 2013, I hope I can shake this feeling. Any cheery comments appreciated!! I’m feeling quite hopeless at the moment.
Post # 3
Aww, I’m sorry to hear this! Are you both on the same page about the engagement? Like, does he know you really are looking to get married soon? Have you discussed any sort of timeline?
Keep your chin up, it’ll happen!
Post # 4
Well, if it makes you feel any better I just got engaged last month after almost 9 years together! Whenever I brought it up, or pointed out rings to him, he seemed disinterested and said nothing. The months before he proposed I had NO idea he was looking at rings, and I was starting to sadly picture my life without him – I really was sick of waiting and having to constantly answer questions from family and friends as to why we weren’t engaged. As if that was my fault or something.
Hopefully your BF has something in the works and just wants to surprise you. Its hard to have 9 years invested and think maybe it was all for nothing. Worst case scenario, you one day just tell him you’re over and you’re sick of waiting, then a month or so later he’ll come around with a ring. Let’s hope it doesnt get to that point, because it almost did for me and it would have been very sad.
Chin up. I really do know how you feel! Now if I can only get my guy to actually set a date – that will be another 8 years! ` sigh……………( My above July 13th date is only a hope )
Post # 5
thanks for the reply 🙂 yeah he does know I want to get married to him and he’s said he wants it too, but…… I’m a great believer in actions speak louder than words and I just think -if he really wanted to do it then he would have done it by now. I refuse to bring it up any more because I find it quite humiliating when I don’t get the response I want. Also if there is any chance he does want to I want it to be because he’s decided, not caved under pressure. It just gets me sometimes and I am being a misery-guts because of it!!
Post # 6
thanks for your response -that actually does give me hope!!! How did you manage though? It really is consuming me at the moment and I wish I could forget about it!
I don’t think I could leave over not getting married as we have children and it wouldn’t be right to do that, so I suppose my next step would be coming to terms with the fact that I’ll never get married. Omg that is a depressing thought.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but when he did ask did you continue to feel any resentment for him making you wait so long? Or did it just disappear? I really hope your wedding is soon, you’re def making progress that’s for sure! 🙂 I estimated spring 2014 cos of earlier discussions we’d had but I think that’s out the window now.
Thanks for the support, solidarity counts for a lot! X
Post # 7
@Pinkrefresher: Holy cow! When I am having a down day, I could have typed your response to abbie017 word for word. Crazy!
I feel for you… it is so hard to wait knowing that you don’t want to push him, or force him, into anything.
I hope that he asks soon! Really rooting for you!
Post # 8
Dang girl — sorry you’re feeling this way. I know the holidays and engagments galore are especially hard for me (as of this NYE every single one of my ex’s are either engaged or married, ouch!) But I just guess you have to keep on keepin’ on and hope that he has something in planned in the works!
Post # 9
You girls are the sweetest! 🙂
Thanks for rooting/hoping for me, I do appreciate it! Right back atcha!!!
If ever it happens I’ll be sure to post to let you know…… But don’t hold your breath!
Post # 10
@Pinkrefresher: Im sorry its taking this long for him to propose. If you have talked to him and you both want the same things, then you need to ask him why he is waiting this long? is it money wise? if it is, then i can understand that, rings are quite expensive, even when they are not even that big….also, you want him to do it for the right reasons and cause he really wants it, don’t force him into it, my BFF did that after 13 years of being with the same guy, and now they are engaged, but he told her what’s the point of getting marry, if its just a paper, so now she is not even allow to talk about weddings with him or anyone. Again, make sure he wants it as bad as you do, otherwise hunny i would say don’t wait around.
Post # 11
@Pinkrefresher: I got through it because I knew all along that he is a great guy who genuinely cares about me and had my back. We were always happy, so most of the time I just thought “at least we are happy. Better to be happy than married to someone else and be miserable”. And I didn’t want to start over with someone new. Every so often, like once a month, it would really get to me and I’d wonder “why is it so easy for every other woman and not me. What is wrong with me that no guy wants to marry me” and I’d throw a pity party…
He put so much thought and effort into my ring and the proposal that when it finally happened I didn’t have any resentment. It kind of went away, replaced by excitement. Everyone reacted positively with a few “it’s about time” comments but in the end it was like anyone else’s engagement. I mostly felt relief. Of course now the questions are “Have you set a date?!” but I’d take that over the 8 years of “why aren’t you engaged?”
Good Luck, sooner or later you’ll be on the boards posting about wedding related stuff. The stress never ends I guess… lol. Better to have a great boyfriend than a lousy husband though, keep that in mind.
Post # 12
I understand. Nearly 11 years as a couple and I’m still waiting! And it’s definitely not easy. Hopefully 2013 will be the year! Best wishes to you!
Post # 13
I torally get the whole. I’d rather be happy and not engaged than married to someone who makes me miserable! My friend was telling me about her amazing and romantic proposal the other day and I was feeling envious but then I thought I wouldn’t want to be married to her oh, no way!! My oh is amazing and the only one for me! I do the ‘pity party’ thing too!
Thanks for sharing 🙂 I actually do feel better after reading yours and the other responses 🙂
Post # 14
Thanks Tiger 🙂 I hope your wait is nearly at an end. Come on 2013, bring on the engagements!!!