Post # 1
I was so excited about my engagment ring when I first got it because I was just dying to be engaged to my man, but as time has gone by I’ve started to feel really sad, insecure, and depressed… the fact is, my fiance didn’t spend anywhere near 2 or 3 months of his salary on my ring, and although I asked for a very specific style (solitaire, round, simple thin band), he got something pretty different. I’m starting to feel like he doesn’t really value me that much since he knew that I was 100% guaranteed to say yes (i.e. I made it clear years ago that I wanted to and have reminded him since), and so he got a significantly cheaper ring than what he could afford to spend. Maybe it’s crazy but it’s starting to make me think about what our relationship is worth to him, and I have given up a LOT to be with him (long story short.. moving and basically giving up my career opportunities for him). This has also been partially exacerbated by the fact that my ring is the smallest of any of friend’s.
I haven’t mentioned this to him because I know how unbelievably selfish it sounds to say “why didn’t you get me a bigger ring.” but obviously there are deeper emotional issues going on here. should i try to bring this up with him? has anyone else felt this way about their ring?
Post # 3
sounds to me like you are putting a lot of importance in the style of the ring rather then what the ring really means. He wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you. that should mean more then the style of the ring. like you said their is probably deeper emotional issues going on so many you should focus on that because a bigger ring isnt going to fix that.
Post # 4
The quality, size or value of your ring in no way has anything to do with his love for you. And honestly, I don’t think the size of the ring is the issue here. There is a deeper problem.
Two to three months salary on a ring is something that was made up by the diamond industry. There are no rules to engagments, either.
You should be happy you’re marrying him, even if you had a $10 silver ring from Walmart.
Post # 5
You’ve got to talk to him about it. This is the person you want to marry and spend your life with, and you’re unhappy about something that is going to bother you more and more as you get closer to your wedding date (and I don’t really mean the ring here, I mean the underlying issues of does he really care about you, etc). And while it sounds shallow in writing, I understand where your coming from. If the two of you have been together for years, and he knew what you wanted and expected out of a ring, and that you waited years for it, why wouldn’t he get you what you wanted, assuming of course that it’s reasonable for him? I don’t think it’s an issue to break up over or anything, but if I were in your shoes I would have to have a conversation with my FI. Hope you feel better soon 🙂
Post # 6
@blondi03: that 2-3 month salary rule is bullshit. I told my fiance that rule before we got engaged…he didn’t want to spend 2 weeks worth of salary on a ring. It didn’t mean he didn’t love me! He didn’t know the prices out there and what was considered normal.
Men do not think like women do. They rationalize things differently in their minds. Do not compare your ring to your friends…thats like comparing your relationship to the next. It just doesn’t work, different people, different relationships.
However, if you are really dissatisfied with your ring, maybe a extravagant wedding bad would suffice?
Post # 7
that 2-3 month salary rule is bullshit
and it should be about the marriage and not the bling so if you are getting distraught over the size of a diamond i think you are engaged for the wrong reasons
im sorry you are feeling this way but maybe you need to look within and ask youself whats important to you and your relationship. goodluck
Post # 8
I think i might have a inkling of what the problem is..because i went thru something like this…You mentioned that you gave up alot for your FI and i believe that you expect more from him…it may not be prominent in your head,but underlying. i use to do that with my bf..i gave up so much and anytime he slipped up..i would go off and say he didnt care..it was just that he wasnt measuring up to my sacrifice..and no one shud have to do that
Post # 9
I’m really hoping that this is due to underlying issues, but honestly? This just sounds terribly ungrateful. But when coupled with your confession of feeling like you’ve “given” more than he has—there are more problems here than just a ring.
Post # 10
Talk with him about it. It shouldn’t matter whether or not its your dream ring if he’s your dream man. And if he’s your dream man you should be able to talk to him about anything. Be careful how you bring it up though, right now you are sounding kind of bratty. By deeper emotional issue you mean you are jealous of your friends’ rings? That’s all he’s going to hear.
And I agree with futuremrshc, I don’t care if I were wearing a cheapo ring, I would still be over the moon that I’m marrying my fiance. You will have plenty of other more important things to spend money on in the coming months – would you rather have more bling or more money for a down payment on a house (or other important purchase)?
Post # 11
If a symbol of his love reminds you of all of the things you gave up to be with him, this might be about a very deep bitterness that is just waiting to boil over inside of you and actually has nothing to do with the ring.
To be truly happy, more than the rock, you’ll have to address with him what you gave up to be together that still causes you (what appears to be) sadness and regret.
Post # 12
My engagement ring didn’t cost nearly that much. I squeeled when I saw it in the store (we went shopping together) and was fully aware the cost.
Size, cost, looks… all irrelavent as long as you LOVE the man that gave it to you.
Can we see it if you don’t mind?
Post # 13
I think it’s good if you keep in mind that most guys don’t put the same amount of importance/thought into the ring as us girls do. I don’t think most guys go ring shopping and say “hm. I love this girl 1.5 carats”. The size/price has nothing to do with how much our guys love us. They pick out one they think is pretty and that’s the end of their time spent thinking about the ring. Although the ring isn’t as important to the guys as it is to us, I also think it would be a huge blow to his pride if you told him the ring he bought for you wasn’t good enough. I say learn to love her and just make sure you get a kick ass wedding ring that you love 🙂
Post # 14
also, I second @lilubird; I want to see it! 🙂
Post # 15
My husband spent a weeks salary- (still a lot of money!) yes, we could have afforded far, far more, but instead we put the $$ towards other things, like our fabulous honeymoon in Hong Kong.
The rule about the salary is BS. The idea that how much the ring is worth is how much he loves you is even greated BS. Stop subscribing to that silly myth.
If you hate the ring then tell him, but if this comes more from an inner insecurity you probably should look at that rather than the ring issue.
Post # 16
OP, I think I get what you’re saying. When we give a lot for someone sometimes it feels like the sacrifices are one sided. I too have given up a lot (willingly – but sometimes it seems too much to have been through) for my SO and I can understand that hurt feeling at times when I don’t feel appreciated.
When he does less than the expected it can hurt. I think anyone can admit that or would feel the same.
I know many women are saying a girl should be happy with whatever her guy gives her because the important thing is that he chose her.
At the same time I’m saying that our idea of acceptable has come really far in terms of materialistic things (with regard to weddings too, not just e-rings!!! Let’s not forget that)
Everyone needs to find that balance when it comes to price, but I truly think that if you’re not happy you should talk to him, let him know how you feel about everything. You don’t want it to get to a point where you just explode (I’ve been there – so I’m just speaking from the heart)