Post # 1
Ok, I recently posted about my MIL. She is causing so much drama in our relationship, just a quick over view, my husband and I NEVER hear from her unless she wants something, and lately is has been more often. She is constantly asking my husband for money just to “borrow” it, but she NEVER repays him, but he continues to give it to her anytime she calls. Also, she constanly asks to borrow his car. Just recently, she borrow it and promised to have it back by noon and never returned it until 3pm. At this time, my husband was at work, and left him stranded there, unable to leave for lunch. When he left work, there was no gas in the car and the gas light was on empty. Just again this week she borrowed the car yesterday and called for money tonight. He left the house to give her money. I’ve been having mixed emotions about this and really trying to understand ….but I’m finding it extremely difficult. It would be different if she called to see how we were doing. I seriously get anixety everytime I see her name on the caller id. I guess Im upset too because I’m a little behind in my bills and he never helps me. In fact, he has really good health insurance and wont put me on it until I pay him for it every two weeks. Is this normal??? I didn’t think this is what married life would be like… I’m soo sad 🙁 all the time.
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are going through this. To me that seems really weird that he expects you to pay him for the health insurance. My thoughts of marriage is that you both help each other out, because you are family and a unit. The fact that he’s giving everything to his mother and not helping his own wife is pretty upsetting.
Post # 4
You don’t have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem. He is allowing her to use him and it’s not going to stop unless he puts his foot down.
He won’t “help you out” with your bills? I’m assuming that you keep separate bank accounts (which my husband and I do too), but ultimately you are married and it is your money together. You should be worrying about bills together, not worrying by yourself if you can keep up while he spends “his” money however he wants.
Post # 5
This sounds like a problem with your husband. You two need to decide on boundaries for his mother. If you’re not comfortable with him giving her money, you should talk to him about it. He needs to be on your side first.
Post # 6
I agree with pp…. this is an issue with your husband. Seems like he never actually cut that cord. I think it is really odd he won’t put you on his insurance unless you ‘pay’ him. Wow. And he won’t help you with the bills? You guys live together right? So odd. Have THAT talk with him tonight… something has to give and hoping it’s not your marriage.
Post # 7
1+ I agree with the rest of the ladies
Post # 8
i agree with pp. this is a husband issue. in fact, he isn’t even acting like a husband. he sounds like a selfish ass.
Post # 9
Wow I am so sorry :(, This does sound more of a Husband issue then a MIL. I just think that you should really talk to him now before things get worse. explain to him how you feel and give him examples : such as bills and Insurance: Break things down for him if you have to. Good luck I hope things work out for you both
Post # 10
Did you two discuss finances prior to getting married? What are the agreed upon terms?
Its one thing to have seperate accounts. Its a whole different thing if you cant pay your bills or save money. Does that mean if he can save money and buys a house, its not your house? If he has money for a vacation, does that mean you cant go if you cant pay your half?
It also is important to have the same savings/kids/money goals. Its not OK for one of you to spend a lot of money on something if you don’t both agree because hypothetically you should be working towards the same financial goals.
This situation does not sit well with me.
Post # 11
I have a huge issue with your husband that he does not think these decisions are made by the two of you and what’s the deal with the health insurance? That’s just wrong!
Post # 12
Neither my husband or I would never loan someone money, not even family without talking about it first. Also there were no “my bills, his bills” after we got married they were all “our bills” . Every marriage deals with finances differently but I think what he is doing isn’t really fair and not making is an equal partner in big decisions. And the health insurance isn’t right. His mom seems like a freeloader, I’d be frustrated too. You need to have a big conversation about all that. Good luck.