Feeling sad for FBIL :(

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@208bride:  That’s just rude. I mean.. you might get an apartment while up at school but I think your permanent mailing address (aka where they send your diploma and stuff) is still that house. I’d be making a huge fuss.

Post # 4
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

@208bride:  I think thats a pretty normal thing for parents to do after their kids go to college. Especially with a step mom that doesn’t have as much attachment..

My mom moved as soon as me and my sister were out to a city 5 hours away so I just don’t go home for most holidays. If I do visit theres a couch to sleep on, but my little brother is still in middle school so he’s there.

My dad moved to DC into a tiny apartment, but has since moved back into a huge house.. so I guess there is room but i felt kicked out initially too.

Going away to college and seeing your house for the first time afterward is really painful. Because it doesn’t stay the same while you’re gone. 

Post # 6
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

the least they could do was to keep one room as a spare room for whoever needed to stay there. 

when i go home, i usually stay at my mother’s.  she has a room that she calls my room.  i have never actually lived in this house but she wants my dh and me to be comfortable when we come home.

 

Post # 7
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

No, you’re not weird. That is truly an odd thing to do. Parents may change the rooms once the children leave for college, that’s pretty normal, but they don’t usually do it without letting the child know in some way that it’s being done. There’s also usually another room for them to stay in.  

Gosh, what an inconsiderate thing to do. I’m glad your fiancée’s brother will be able to stay at your house. 

 

Post # 10
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It’s very much an individual thing and may stem from the father’s or step-mother’s experiences.  While my parents didn’t change my room, I do have a friend whose parents changed her bedroom into an office/treadmill room the first semester she moved out.  When she came home to visit, they would blow up an air mattress in her sister’s room.

Post # 11
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My parents did it, without telling me.  It was one of those phone calls “hey, we’re packing your stuff up…”

It was horrible. 

Post # 12
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I must be crazy because I don’t see what is so terrible about parents packing up an adult child’s room. Sometimes it is a symbolic way to move on to another phase of life…the empty nest.

I never went away to school, but my parents changed my room after I moved out at age 21. It is their house and they can do whatever they want with the rooms. I never cared that my parents changed my room. I was too glad to be on my own.

Post # 14
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee

@TakeTwo:  That’s a little different. A move to a college dorm is in no way considered a permanent move. That’s why the college always asks for your address and your “permanent” address, which is usually your house back home! And when you move to a college dorm, you can’t take all of your things with you. It’s not like moving out to an apartment or your own house where you can take everything from your bedroom. 

Post # 15
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Its weird.  They could have least have a daybed.  They are sending a very clear message.  They are not family anymore.  Very sorry for FI and  FBIL 

Post # 16
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I see the difference between a college dorm and an apartment, but I also think that some of the issue is parents packing up an adult child’s room regardless of the reason.

It must be hard to be a stepparent to adult children…I can’t imagine the strain and unspoken resentments.

In any case, it is obvious that this decision hurt the OP and her new family. That’s terrible. Cry

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