Feeling sad over declined RSVPs

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

BakerBee16:  I’m in the same boat as you.  We invited 127, our venue holds 150 and we were hoping for 75 (which actually works well in our space as there’s a natural divide in the room so we can put the tables all in one area and not make it feel weird) but right now, we’re 13 days to the deadline and we have about 50% back and only 40 people coming 🙁

some of my best childhood friends are thinking they won’t be able to make the trip and it sucks (I made the trip to theirs and always assumed they’d do the same).  A lot of my family also appears to be declining.

Post # 4
Hostess
9892 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

BakerBee16:  yup, it sucks.  There’s one friend who’s wedding I missed at thanksgiving this year.  It was 6 weeks after I’d made the trip east for another wedding AND it was my grandfather’s 99th birthday (he lives where I do) and my mom and sister were flying in for the occassion – which was planned before I got the wedding invite.  If it wasn’t for my grandfather’s birthday I would have made the trip back again.

In our case, pretty much everyone has to travel so we were expecting declines, but it still sucks when you see that decline box checked.

Post # 5
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Save the Date cards are meant to …. save the date! How are ALL of these people suddenly busy that day? That’s lame. I am only have a tiny reception (30) and everyone better make it or I will be hunting them down! I would be extremely offended if I have 50% of my invitees decline. They better be out of state or dead that day. 

Post # 7
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

BakerBee16:  Your story is 100% me 1 year ago.  We invited 100 people because that was the max we could afford.  48 showed up.  All of DH’s family came.  My family were the ones that let me down.  I had friends/family RSVP yes and then they were no-shows.  Luckily I had a wedding planner who re-arranged the tables at the last minute so people didn’t have to sit alone.  They actually struck an entire table from the hall, so all my hard work on the seating chart went out the window!

At least I got the flowers out of I really wanted.  Once I saw how many declined, I called up the florist and added flowers in the church, flowers on every cocktail table, and all tall centerpieces instead of half tall/half short.  All those people seriously missed out because we threw an amazing wedding!  But the most important people did come and it was about me and DH anyway, not everyone else.  Still, I completely understand your hurt feelings.  I felt exactly the same way.

ETA: I had also sent out STDs a year in advance.  It didn’t seem to make a difference.  Lots of people who originally told me they were excited and definitely coming ended up RSVPing no a month out from the wedding.  A lot of people also got sick at the last minute.  It is what it is.

Post # 8
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

95 sounds like a fine number, and…heck! that just means you have to pay less for your reception! I would probably be bothered if the declining parties were close family but outside that…eh, I’d just see it as more time to be with my husband on our day than worry about greeting and attending to guests!

Post # 9
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ouch, I’m sorry, at that rate, when there’s no holiday and (i’m assuming) it’s not a friday/sunday/off day, that would hurt my feelers too 🙁

Post # 10
Member
2243 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

BakerBee16:  I remember you’ve made some posts in the past about some pretty intense family drama. I suspect that accounts for some of the declines on your side. People might want to keep their distance from all that. As far as people declining because alcohol will be served…I don’t get that? Do they never go anywhere where they will be in the presence of alcohol? Do they only go to dry restaurants? Stay away from Costco, Target, and any grocery stores that sell alcohol? Everyone is free to make their own decisions, but to refuse to attend a loved ones wedding, because you don’t want to be in the presence of alcohol, sounds extremist and like someone who is using their religion as an excuse to inflict themselves. 

Post # 11
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

BakerBee16:  Your Aunt and Uncle declined because there will be wine at the reception? I’m shaking my head. I guess they don’t go out much, because if they did, they wouldn’t go anywhere alcohol is served – restaurants, hotels, parties at people’s houses. I was raised in an alcohol free home and I raised my children the same way, but I’d never do something like that. I’m a vegetarian, but I go places where other people are eating meat. Where will it end? P.S. People always give the strangest excuses.

Post # 12
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

🙁 the thing to remember is that its not personal. And yes it sucks but I’ve seen many post on here where people say things like “no one cares about your wedding as much as you do” and unfortunately thats the truth… Sometimes we can get self absorbed in our wedding planning and our feelings and our day but their declines have absolutely nothing to do with you personally (unless of course they do, which i doubt) and your wedding will be fabulous with or without them! Take it all in stride and look at it as a blessing… Rejections always sting a little, so keep it all in perspective!

Post # 13
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I can relate- we invited 130 and ended up with just over 60. Our venue holds up to 250 so I was afraid it would be feeling empty.

 

But really, it was nice not to have a huge crowd so I wasn’t occupied with saying hello to everyone. I still had time to dance, drink, mingle, take pictures, etc… And the venue space felt fine. I know it is disheartening but look at all of the people who ARE coming! It’s be a quite the celebration!

Post # 14
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 

BakerBee16:  Sorry to hear about all the guests who RSVp’s no

However, there is a plus side to all of this….. less people means more time for you and your FI to enjoy the reception.  I had 120 people attend my wedding and I was so busy saying hello and goodbye to people that I did not really enjoy my wedding.  I barely ate, drank or danced.  I felt like I planned a huge party that I didn’t even get the chance to enjoy because I was trying so hard to be gracious and courteous of my guests……

Have a blast with the people that attend and do not worry about those that don’t…..

Party on!!!

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