Post # 1
Ugh, I feel silly…I’ve been engaged for a few months and all has been really rosy and happy from the get-go and today I had my first dose of icky, drama-filled, money-related stress.
I know this is all part of the process, and I’m sure most everyone goes through this so sorry for being whiny but…
My FI didn’t have a job after grad school for a while and when he finally found a good one we got engaged. The time when he didn’t have a job was extremely stressful of course- his confidence was down, he was depressed, etc. I was worried for his emotional state, and it was overwhelming for a while…
When he found the job and we got engaged, it has just been a 180! Months of elation! Now there are some tensions about who is paying for what, what is fair/not fair, etc. the details aren’t important and it will be dealt with eventually, but today was an awful day…
I just feel kind of emotionally spent. After so much time being stressed and waiting for things get better, and hoping (stupidly) that the wedding would be all joy! And that all the crappy stuff was behind us, at least for a while…
I just wanted to vent my feelings and I know things will be better in a few days. Every process has its ups and downs…
Thanks for listening/reading 🙂
Post # 3
Just want to let you know that we’re here for you! This is the place you need to come to vent your frustrations and your worries! Wedding planning is going to be hard. There are a lot of people’s emotions involved, and it always seems to bring out the worst in everyone!
The most important thing you need to keep in mind is that you’re marrying your wonderful FI, and that the two of you are in this together! Everything will work out in the end, and you’ll have a beautiful wedding! Better yet, you’ll have a wonderful husband to spend the rest of your life with!
You’re going to have good days and bad days….for the bad days, like today, definitely come here and let us know about them! We’ll be sending hugs your way!
Post # 4
Oh, you don’t know how nice it is to hear that. I never thought online forums could be such a source of emotional comfort…as cheesy as that sounds!
Sometimes it just helps so much to write it out and know that others are sending you some nice energy your way…so thank you, really, very much. 🙂
It’s just been one of those days….
Youre right, it is important to keep what is important in perspective- im lucky to be starting my life with the wonderful person that FI is…:)
Post # 5
I hear ya. I’ve had those days too…Hugs!!
Post # 6
I hear ya….my FI and I are paying for it ourselves. We looked at our estimated budget and we are over 10K than what we expected. 🙁 It adds up so quickly. Hoping I hit the jackpot soon. 🙂
Post # 7
I found that the first few not-wonderfully-romantic-and-all-happy-all-the-time things to occur after the engagement got blown out of proportion because of the unconscious expectation that being engaged is all roses. If maybe you had that too, combined with the difficulty of the first rough time after the elation of your FI finding a job after a difficult period, you could be more affected by the issue than you otherwise would have been which may be why you’re so emotionally spent right now.
Regardless, try to keep your chin up! It’s all going to work out ok.
Post # 8
We payed for most of the wedding ourselves and we had to save, save, save and budget like crazy. It was SUPER stressful. I totally understand!! Hang in there. (Hugs)
Post # 9
Thanks to everyone for their support!
@Jenniferk6: I think that is a really really good point. I have a tendency to romanticise things and get let down…Yes, it’s time to have a more “roll with the punches” approach rather than expecting everything to be perfect.
Post # 10
Money is stressful. Even when you are not paying for it all or any of it yourselves people have expectations that come with money (you, him, your family, his family). And even when its not wedding related money is stressful.
Have you had a chance to sit down and talk about finances and what your expectations are of each other and your future together. This is a good time to do it and will hopefully (after a good discussion) make it easierin the future.
I think you should each write down what you expect for the wedding who pays for what, what that means, how its divided etc.
And then on a different sheet, how you think money should be spend on life. Do you expect to take one vacation a year? buy a new car every 5, retire at a certain age? Talk about big purchases? etc etc.
Its tough, but in the long run it will reduce the number of stressful money related days if you can get on the exact same page with out assumptions, accusations etc.
Post # 11
That is really good advice lefeymw…FI and I have had pretty thorough discussions about money matters, but it couldn’t hurt to get into more detail.
The stress is arising over whose parents are contributing what- FI and I are also paying for some things but they are paying for more…anyway, it hasn’t come between us at all which i’m thankful for.
Post # 12
@Evie19: I always find that one of the best ways to relieve some of the stress is just writing it out and getting it off of my chest. Sometimes I just vent it out to my husband and I just need him to listen…not even solve my problem, but listen to me vent so I can just let it all out!
Money is going to be one of the biggest stressors when it comes to the wedding. Just take things one step at a time and try to budget yourself like crazy. Ms. Sparkles is right…things add up so quickly, so do your best in trying to keep things completely organized. Budget for everything you can possibly think of and stretch your dollar when you can. lefeymw has it right…budget, budget, budget!
Post # 13
@2PeasinaPod: It’s funny because I have been SO type-A and anal-retentive with EVERYTHING…except the budget. lol.
I mean, the registries, wedding website, invitation layout, booking the ceremony and reception…I was getting everything done so efficiently so quickly!- and yet I was ignoring facing the dirty details of that damn budget…hmph.
thanks again for the support. 🙂
Post # 14
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but just know that you’re not alone–we all have money-related issues, especially when it comes to planning what should be the biggest event/day/party of your life. I feel like money issues are the #1 thing that are affecting my wedding joy, and I admit, it’s really hard not to get upset sometimes, especially if you’re a people-pleaser like me and you guys are just now getting started with working and living on your own. But everything will work itself out in the end, and the important thing is you’re marrying the love of your life.