Feeling so discouraged…

posted 3 years ago in Venue
Post # 3
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do either of you have a house with a nice yard that you could set up a ceremony space? Or perhaps a relative? That would be pretty inexpensive, you could get ready in the house, then go somewhere else for pictures and head to the reception site.

Post # 4
Member
6200 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I know he doesn’t want to spend the money, but have you told him how much less stress you’d be under and how much happier you’d be if you created a little more room in the budget?

Post # 5
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  I feel your pain! I’m on a budget too.  I think you should price out the cost of having the outdoor wedding as completely as you can with all the rentals and food…then show it to your FI. I’d guess that it could get to be over 5k pretty quickly.  Could it be that he just doesn’t’ really have a concept of how much weddings cost? I know that  mine doesn’t and when I show him the costs, he’ll probably flip his lid lol.

What about someone’s yard or a private estate? But even still, you’d probably want a tent and then with chairs, catering etc…it could get pricy, but maybe it could work for 5K. I know someone here probably has done a 5k wedding, and if so, I wanna see!! I don’t really have any good advice, sorry, but i just wanted to say that I feel your frustration! good luck 🙂

Post # 6
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

If I was you, I would tell my fiance he can have one or the other, but not both of the following:

– Spend >$5k on the wedding

– Outside ceremony

Unfortunately people who have never planned a wedding don’t realise how expensive it is, and even people who have planned a wedding don’t realise how different cities can be so much more expensive.

I think you and your FI will have to come to a compromise on budget and ceremony location, because at the moment it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work for both his “WANTS”.  maybe if you can show him a $ amount next to each line item, he will realise the budget needs to be a bit higher for you to be happy too. Because after all, it’s the bride’s day! (KIDDING! Please don’t lynch me!)

Post # 7
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

You and your fiance need to sit down and talk about priorities and budget and what is realistic. Sounds like having an outdoor ceremony is a priority for him. Sounds like having a nice looking wedding is a priority for you. What else? Do you care about food? Music? Clothes? Photography? Drinks? Big guest list? Everything can’t be a priority. Start ranking things. You can also write down things that aren’t a big priority (this is important because it’s easy to lose sight of what you didn’t think was a priority when you started planning). This is a perfect time to practice compromise as neither of you is likely to get everything you want. But you should be able to work out some solutions. 

Honestly, the easiest way to keep your costs down would be to have a small guest list. That way it can have the look you want but with the price he wants. Or do a cake and punch reception and skip the meal (that’s generally a significant part of the cost).

Post # 8
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You seem like you’d be happy having the ceremony in the church for free. Your FI is the one who doesn’t want to go over 5k and he’s also the one who is insisting on having an outdoor ceremony. Something has to give. Either he ups the budget or he accepts that you guys can’t have an outdoor ceremony. 

Post # 9
Member
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  Does your church offer a free reception space? What if you did an outdoor ceremony in a nearby park or grounds of the church (if they will allow it. I have heard that Catholic churches will not do outdoor ceremonies) and then the reception at the church hall?

We did both at our venue and the ceremony was $500 but the rental for the reception was $2500. A ceremony only location could save you a lot. You can get ready at a hotel nearby and a car can take you to/from – even if it’s your parents driving or whatever you can afford.

You can make tableclothes to cover ugly church tables, rent or thrift place settings (or a caterer may provide).

How many guests are you planning on?

You might also look at county/city properties that are available for rental but are also private. I live in Northern VA and there are several historical houses/properties that are cheap to rent but do offer privacy.

Post # 10
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Another idea: have you looked at wineries? I know that around here you can rent them out pretty in expensively. Also, if you have weddings on off days (Friday, Sunday) they tend to be cheaper. For example our venue was half price on Fridays. 

Post # 12
Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  Check out non-for-profit organizations, even if they don’t advertise as a “wedding” venue, and see if they will rent their space out to you.  Think museums, art galleries, etc.  My husband and I called a local children’s museum, who does rent their space out, but doesn’t advertise as such.  When they quoted the price, I lost my game face and said, “Holy cow! Why are you so inexpensive?!?” 🙂  They told me that for tax purposes or some such reason, they could only earn a certain amount of revenue from renting their space out.  Total score!  We got a beautiful ceremony location for $500 (including chairs.)  Before that, the cheapest place we could find that had the garden atmosphere I wanted was triple that!

Post # 13
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  I think most people here can relate to your realization of how damn expensive weddings are. Like PP’s said, sit down with your FH, go over your must haves and correlate that list to real prices. You might have to do a litte more research to make the conversation factual and meaningful but it will really help you two to get on the same, realistic page.

Budgets… another dreadful “B” word. Ick.

Post # 14
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

HonoraryNerd:  If he has set a budget limit of 5k it seems to me he couldd compromise on getting married in your church since that would make you happy, be pretty and stretch your budget. If you can compromise, so can he.

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