Post # 1
I don’t consider myself to be high maintenance or have expensive tastes. I just want a nice wedding. One that doesn’t look cheap or thrown together. I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask. FI doesn’t want to spend more than 5k (we could afford more, but he’d rather not waste money on a one time thing) on the wedding. I know it’s doable, but I just feel like everything will end up looking like we spend 5k. It wouldn’t be so bad if we could get married in my church, there isn’t a cost for that, but FI really wants an outdoor ceremony. Nice outdoor venues, though, are so expensive!
We found one that advertises being able to work within any budget and went to visit it yesterday. It was so pretty, I liked it a lot. However, I don’t know how they could work within our budget when their DIY package is over half our budget. We didn’t get a chance to talk numbers with them, so it’s not off the table yet. I just feel so discouraged that even something that caters to us broke college kids is too expensive.
He keeps mentioning just doing it at a city park. There are some decent ones, but there’s no privacy, no getting ready spaces, no parking reservations, no advanced reservations. I feel like it would end up being a huge clusterfuck and more hassle than it’s worth. Also, just the cost of essentially building a venue I think would put us over. Renting chairs, DIYing decor, etc. Not to mention, we’d also have to get a separate reception venue because the parks aren’t very accomodating.
I just don’t know what to do. I feel confident enough in my DIY abilities to decorate and create an aesthetic that looks like it cost more than it did, professional quality. I know a lot of it is the venue, though. I feel like we’ll end up in a local gym with plastic tables and tablecloths and foldout metal chairs.
Post # 3
Do either of you have a house with a nice yard that you could set up a ceremony space? Or perhaps a relative? That would be pretty inexpensive, you could get ready in the house, then go somewhere else for pictures and head to the reception site.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I know he doesn’t want to spend the money, but have you told him how much less stress you’d be under and how much happier you’d be if you created a little more room in the budget?
Post # 5
@HonoraryNerd: I feel your pain! I’m on a budget too. I think you should price out the cost of having the outdoor wedding as completely as you can with all the rentals and food…then show it to your FI. I’d guess that it could get to be over 5k pretty quickly. Could it be that he just doesn’t’ really have a concept of how much weddings cost? I know that mine doesn’t and when I show him the costs, he’ll probably flip his lid lol.
What about someone’s yard or a private estate? But even still, you’d probably want a tent and then with chairs, catering etc…it could get pricy, but maybe it could work for 5K. I know someone here probably has done a 5k wedding, and if so, I wanna see!! I don’t really have any good advice, sorry, but i just wanted to say that I feel your frustration! good luck 🙂
Post # 6
If I was you, I would tell my fiance he can have one or the other, but not both of the following:
– Spend >$5k on the wedding
– Outside ceremony
Unfortunately people who have never planned a wedding don’t realise how expensive it is, and even people who have planned a wedding don’t realise how different cities can be so much more expensive.
I think you and your FI will have to come to a compromise on budget and ceremony location, because at the moment it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work for both his “WANTS”. maybe if you can show him a $ amount next to each line item, he will realise the budget needs to be a bit higher for you to be happy too. Because after all, it’s the bride’s day! (KIDDING! Please don’t lynch me!)
Post # 7
You and your fiance need to sit down and talk about priorities and budget and what is realistic. Sounds like having an outdoor ceremony is a priority for him. Sounds like having a nice looking wedding is a priority for you. What else? Do you care about food? Music? Clothes? Photography? Drinks? Big guest list? Everything can’t be a priority. Start ranking things. You can also write down things that aren’t a big priority (this is important because it’s easy to lose sight of what you didn’t think was a priority when you started planning). This is a perfect time to practice compromise as neither of you is likely to get everything you want. But you should be able to work out some solutions.
Honestly, the easiest way to keep your costs down would be to have a small guest list. That way it can have the look you want but with the price he wants. Or do a cake and punch reception and skip the meal (that’s generally a significant part of the cost).
Post # 8
You seem like you’d be happy having the ceremony in the church for free. Your FI is the one who doesn’t want to go over 5k and he’s also the one who is insisting on having an outdoor ceremony. Something has to give. Either he ups the budget or he accepts that you guys can’t have an outdoor ceremony.
Post # 9
@HonoraryNerd: Does your church offer a free reception space? What if you did an outdoor ceremony in a nearby park or grounds of the church (if they will allow it. I have heard that Catholic churches will not do outdoor ceremonies) and then the reception at the church hall?
We did both at our venue and the ceremony was $500 but the rental for the reception was $2500. A ceremony only location could save you a lot. You can get ready at a hotel nearby and a car can take you to/from – even if it’s your parents driving or whatever you can afford.
You can make tableclothes to cover ugly church tables, rent or thrift place settings (or a caterer may provide).
How many guests are you planning on?
You might also look at county/city properties that are available for rental but are also private. I live in Northern VA and there are several historical houses/properties that are cheap to rent but do offer privacy.
Post # 10
Another idea: have you looked at wineries? I know that around here you can rent them out pretty in expensively. Also, if you have weddings on off days (Friday, Sunday) they tend to be cheaper. For example our venue was half price on Fridays.
Post # 11
@antisocialite: The church has a reception space (it’s the old church building), but I don’t know the cost for it. We’re planning on inviting up to 200 people (Large immediate family).
@hollyberry4: I just looked at winieries from your suggestion. The closest one is 45 minutes away. They don’t have the prices listed, though. I’ll definitely inquire still.
I forgot to mention and I really should have, FI doesn’t want to get married at my church because he isn’t Catholic. Being Wiccan, he wants to have the ceremony outside among nature and stuff. I’m fine with it, but the place they practice is indoors (only place they could get) and really small. His parents had their vow renewal there. You can only fit about 20 people in that room.
So he’s not just being obstinate. I didn’t mean it to come across that way. We’ll definitely have to go over the budget again. I know weddings are expensive, but I didn’t realize how much.
Post # 12
@HonoraryNerd: Check out non-for-profit organizations, even if they don’t advertise as a “wedding” venue, and see if they will rent their space out to you. Think museums, art galleries, etc. My husband and I called a local children’s museum, who does rent their space out, but doesn’t advertise as such. When they quoted the price, I lost my game face and said, “Holy cow! Why are you so inexpensive?!?” 🙂 They told me that for tax purposes or some such reason, they could only earn a certain amount of revenue from renting their space out. Total score! We got a beautiful ceremony location for $500 (including chairs.) Before that, the cheapest place we could find that had the garden atmosphere I wanted was triple that!
Post # 13
@HonoraryNerd: I think most people here can relate to your realization of how damn expensive weddings are. Like PP’s said, sit down with your FH, go over your must haves and correlate that list to real prices. You might have to do a litte more research to make the conversation factual and meaningful but it will really help you two to get on the same, realistic page.
Budgets… another dreadful “B” word. Ick.
Post # 13
Tess63110: That’s BEAUTIFUL!
Post # 14
HonoraryNerd: If he has set a budget limit of 5k it seems to me he couldd compromise on getting married in your church since that would make you happy, be pretty and stretch your budget. If you can compromise, so can he.