- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I already know this is going to be a bit long, but I really need to vent.
I’m feeling massively let down by almost everyone, except my FI. And while I’m so happy that he’s such a rock, I feel like I’m unintentionally pressuring him to be the guardian of my emotions.
First, I should say that I have a big family and never expected my parents to pay for or contribute to my wedding. So I was blown away and thrilled when they offered to pay for certain parts of it. My family isn’t well-off, and my sister’s wedding was also coming up, so it was a really big deal for me that they were willing to help.
I always figured our wedding would be fairly inexpensive. When we were choosing where we wanted to get married, I was loving the idea of a really calm, casual wedding in FI’s village, either at the school, or even in his grandmother’s garden… but being as it’s a rural village in an Eastern European country, a lot of the people aren’t very open minded about gay people and since I have a gay brother and best friend, I didn’t want them to be uncomfortable and I didn’t want to spend my wedding worrying that they were dealing with snide comments and looks, or that they didn’t feel like they could come out to the pub without feeling awkward about random bigottedness. So we decided, since my parents had offered to help us out, to have it in a hotel, and make up the difference in cost ourselves.
My parents gave us a figure of what they could contribute and we worked out a budget, and everything seemed to be falling in to place.
Then, through a bunch of weird circumstances, my parents ended up with some extra children. To be honest, I’m not upset that they probably can’t contribute to the wedding. Until they brought it up, it never occured to me to ask them to. But what I am upset about is that, as of today, when we’ve booked the venue, paid the ridiculous fees necessary to get the officiant there, sent our invitations and are finalizing our menu – today, when the wedding is less than 2 months away – they still haven’t actually told us that they won’t be helping out. I can’t see how they could, and I don’t want them to, if it’s going to be difficult, but really, they could have told us months ago, when all we’d lose is the deposit, if we decided to move it to somewhere smaller/less classy. Now, there isn’t another option, so post-wedding money is down to 0… which, since we’re moving right after the wedding, is kind of a bad thing.
And now a rant about RSVPs. We sent our STDs in April. We sent our invitations in June and July. We asked everyone to RSVP by September 1st and gave them many, many options for doing so. As of today, we’ve got less than half of them back, and I’m really doubting that the rest are going to show up in the next couple of days. Seriously, do people not know how weddings work? Do they not get that you have to order the food/drinks/entertainment BEFOREHAND?
One person who did get back to me early was my gay best friend. He told me that he can’t afford to come. Interestingly, one of the non-returned RSVPs belongs to my gay brother… which means that possiby neither one of them will come, which makes me wonder a bit why we’re having our back yard wedding at a hotel.
Among other people who have not RSVP’d: My sister. FI and I spent everything we’d saved (about 2/3 of what our wedding will cost) to fly across the world to be at her wedding. Because not going was simply not an option. Even after we made our wedding an event on Facebook, to give people one more way to RSVP with almost no effort, she still hasn’t. I asked her outright if her family had bought tickets, they haven’t. I asked her where she will be staying, since right now FI have 2 extra rooms on our booking, and no one has confirmed if they want them (despite saying they were planning to stay there when I spoke to them before)… She said she needs to work out how she’s getting there first.
My parents still haven’t bought their tickets. They also haven’t said where they’re staying.
Because we couldn’t invite my whole extended family, and because I didn’t want to pick and choose, I decided I wouldn’t invite any of my 11 cousins, and instead only invite aunts and uncles. One aunt and one uncle (who are married) have RSVP’d (not coming) out of 8. The others, many of which have Facebook, haven’t bothered.
When I mentioned not many people have responded, my other sister said that of course her and her boyfriend are coming (he wasn’t invited – none of my siblings were given a + 1, because we wanted a pretty small wedding). She hasn’t got tickets either.
So, that’s me. I am not asking anyone to do anything. I live across the ocean from my whole family, so I haven’t asked my sisters to do anything except for look at pictures of dresses on facebook. I haven’t asked for any help planning, or for anyone to bring anything to the wedding or DO anything.
All I want, is for everyone to be adults, to tell me whether or not they’re coming, to show up if they are, with minimal fuss and drama.
To anyone who got through all that: thanks. You’ve already helped.