(Closed) Feeling so selfish! Long engagment vs. family member’s short engagements

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@blankster: It’s okay to have those feelings. Just feel through them and vent them out. You realize that it’s selfish thinking this and that’s good. Now, don’t go off being a bridezilla because of it. We all get one day. While it would be nice to have everyone super excited for our weddings for 2 years, the reality is that no one cares as much as you do. Some people don’t want to save up for two years and they just want to get married. Some people are in income brackets where they don’t need to save up for a year and can have a lavish wedding in 6 months. You can’t hold that against them. In reality, you could have gotten married at the courthouse and had dinner afterwards. 
I’m sure your family won’t be scoring weddings. Every wedding is unique and special on it’s own. 

Post # 4
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Let it out girl! I went through this as well. We’ve been engaged for two years, and have had people get engaged after us who are already married and having babies! I felt like it was so unfair, but I got over it. Your day is going to be your day and it’s going to be phenomenal – no one can take that away from you!

Post # 5
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I know how you feel.  It seems like these things come in flurries and the timing is always complicated–so you aren’t alone in your annoyance!

We have been together for almost seven years, and in the last six months when we have finally gotten serious about getting engaged three of our good friends have announced their engagment.  I’m super happy for them, but I’m already worried about how my mom is going to react (she doesn’t really want my sister or I to EVER get married or even have boyfriends, wierd).  I just know I’m going to get the”Everyone else was doing it, so I guess you decided to, too” comment.  Which is really annoying since we have been seriously talking about this since summer (looking at and picking a ring, etc.), yet it will look like we’re just following everyone else.

We want to get married this summer, so I hope my friends aren’t offended with what will work out to be a pretty short engagement, but I have also been feeling like we need to time our engagement so it doesn’t come on the heels of someone else’s. At this point we have actually made it a joke.  Engagments are dropping like flies but I think we are almost done since there aren’t any single friends left at this point 🙂

Post # 6
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@blankster: I understand! I just found out that a distant family member got engaged recently and set her date a few weeks before mine. Selfishly, I want the whole “summer season” to be mine, but I know that is definitely not possible. We won’t have much guest overlap, but it would have been nice! I’m just hoping no other family members plan a June wedding. I have another distant relative (on the same side) that was upset that I picked June 2012. She was planning hers for that month, but she’s not engaged yet. If she would get engaged and still wanted June 2012, that could be three weddings in a month for our family…plus, Father’s Day is in there. Eek!

Post # 7
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh yes. We’ll have a year and a half engagement – and my friend that got engaged a month after us set her date for later this year and I was just all “woe is me! whyyy” for a few hours. (Luckily, I was alone, with a glass of wine, a bubble bath, and my dogs.)

It’s fine to feel like this, just don’t let it outwardly affect you or make you have bad thoughts about your wedding. But we all feel this way at some point, whether it’s about this, babies, money, whatever. As long as we don’t get crazy about it, I think it’s fine.

Or like my Maid/Matron of Honor told me — my wedding’s gonna be better bc it’s mine. :p

Post # 8
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yup, I’ve been there. After I got engaged, at least three people I know got engaged and married super fast. FI’s and my engagement will have been around 2.5 years by the time of our wedding. I know I had no real right to be put out about it, since me moving to the UK to do my Masters was the reason we had such a long engagement, but it’s just one of those irrational things you can’t help feeling.

Hang in there!

Post # 9
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

I do sympathise – especially when it feels like you’ve been engaged FOREVER. But at the end of the day, people are going to get hitched when THEY want to get hitched.. so not much you can do about it except smile, attend, join in the wedding love & then have your OWN spectacular shindig when the time comes. 🙂

Post # 10
4 posts

WOW, i feel like this is posted on these boards quite often. people get crazy around weddings!

im sorry you feed bad about it, but you have to remember, you have zero influence over when someone elses wedding is. a wedding is a celebration of people getting married. a fun party, and a big night for you and your Fiance, but thats it. it’s not an inauguration.  

i mean this in the nicest way possible, but you are being ridiculous 🙂 it’s okay though, you’re in wedding mode, and it’s so hard to see outside of bridal zone. just have a glass of wine, think about how lucky you are to have found your Fiance, and relax.

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