Feeling So Terrible & Hopeless… Mother Abandonment Issues.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Kat:  …do we have the same mother?

Mine is an alcoholic who lost custody of me when I was 11 because she was always in legal trouble and we lived in squalor. I rarely saw her for the next 10 years, and when I did she was dropping me off somewhere so she could go drink with one of her boyfriends. At 21, I moved to her state and crashed with her for a bit, as she’d remarried and seemed to have her shit together….not so much. Now that her marriage has ended and she has no one else to boss around, she’s pulling some pretty ridiculous shit.

Suffice it to say, I feel you on this. Please understand that people like this make their own beds and deserve to lay in them. I’ve found that reasoning with my mother is insane, as she only remembers things one way: hers. That way just so happens to be very flattering and “I’m-the-victim”esque. It sounds like yours isnt interested in taking responsibility, either.

The best way I cope is to a) avoid and b) just accept this is how she always will be…but that doesnt mean I have to put up with her horseshit and manipulative behavior.

I rarely respond to her nasty/bossy texts, and she is currently in the middle of digging her own grave. I cannot fix her, and at 60 it’s unlikely she’ll fix herself.

Try to take yourself out of the line of fire as much as possible. ((hugs))

Post # 5
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry. I don’t think your mom can ever be that strong, nurturing maternal figure you want her to be.

Neither can mine. I see her more like an older sister. An unstable older sister with a lot of problems.

As for a strong female figure in your life… of course you can’t really control when you will meet her… but are you sure you haven’t met any already? Aunts? Grandparents? Siblings? Cousins? In laws? Old teachers? Old mentors of any kind?

If not, or even in addition, there’s always one inside of you. You can be that person, for yourself, and for your future children. You know what being a good mom would be, so be a good mom – to yourself, for a start. I know that might sound funny, but it works. 

Post # 7
4 posts

Why are you giving this woman the time of day, let alone allowing her to hurt you so much around what should be such a happy time? She is a mentally ill person who gave birth to you, and didn’t do much else beyond that, from the sound of things. Her happiness is not your responsibility.

I have so similar issues from being brought up a by a neglectful, crazy mother (except mine was around and thinks she was Mother of the Year). It’s struggle every day to remember that her job, as a mother, was to raise you and give you as happy a life as she could. Your job, as her child, was to be a child. She failed at her job- time to fire her.

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