- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
FI and I originally wanted to elope here in Australia back in April, but a lot of my family, especially my parents, really wanted to be able to come to our wedding and begged us to have it in America. The few close friends I have all live in other states, but each of them said that if we got married in America, there’s no way in the world they would miss the wedding. So for the past six months, I’ve been spending a lot of time and money planning a wedding in America. Not an easy task, but it’s all coming together. However, as the date approaches, I find myself feeling extremely stressed and frustrated.
Of those friends, only half even RSVPd. The rest of them just ignored their invites and only told me they weren’t coming after repeated emails and phone calls.
Now, with not even three weeks to go for the wedding, six of my friends have canceled their plans to come. For one couple, it’s a money issue and for the other two couples, it was just bad planning. I know these things happen, but I have very few friends and a serious rejection complex, and the fact that none of them are coming really hurts my feelings.
On top of that, my godfather is ignoring any attempts to get an RSVP out of him and an aunt and uncle have refused to answer my mom’s direct inquiries about whether or not they will attend. I can’t imagine what I’ve done to offend them and I don’t understand the apparent hostility. Yeah, that hurts my feelings, too. I’m a bit of a crybaby, I guess.
Out of 81 people invited, only 35 are coming. Of those, nine of them are my parents and siblings. I have a HUGE extended family with over a hundred people showing up at any family gathering. These people have all attended my cousins’ weddings and I’m the first of my parents’ kids to be getting married, so it’s not like they have wedding fatigue from all my other siblings or anything.
The venue gave us a price based on a “per person” rate and we estimated 60 guests when they asked. This was before invitations were even sent out. Not only are they not giving a refund since we’ll only have about half the number of people (though no doubt they would have charged extra if more showed up), I now find out they have added extra charges for things they led us to believe would be included in the price, like the table linens.
Also, the fee included the rental of the whole house (it’s a B&B) for the night of the wedding… but they have been telling our guests they are not allowed to stay there unless we book for them AND they have to pay for their rooms. I thought if you booked the whole house, that included the rooms? Why am I paying too book out all the rooms and my guests still have to pay for them, too? I mean, for crying out loud, I’d be filling their place up on a Wednesday night in off-peak season. It’s not like they have a line of people waiting for a room to open up.
Then there’s my dress. We’re getting on a plane in a week and a half and my dress is still with the seamstress… for the fourth time.
We spent double on my dress than what we intended because FI just fell in love with it. It was $2500 and now I’ve racked up another $700 in alterations charges. I feel a bit sick when I think about the money, but even more sick when I think about how my pretty dress has been butchered.
The dress was too big for me in the waist and bust and to keep it from falling off the top of me, the shoulders had to be taken up… a lot. So much so, that my dress ended up being two inches off the ground and the boob boning on the inside is now so high up that my boobs slide under the boning and get squashed flat. To say I did not feel pretty at my last fitting is an understatement. I felt like it had been a total waste of time to workout at all these past few months because the dress fit soo poorly, it didn’t even matter.
So they let the shoulders back down just a little bit, but it still didn’t fix the problem. The seamstress is actually going to sew a new strip of satin and lace onto the hem of the dress to make it longer. I’m hoping she can do the lace in such a way as to hide the seam, but it makes me so angry that I’m paying her by the hour to do this lace work on the dress and it’s still going to look like a hack job.
I’m probably not going to be able to do a hair trial at the salon in America, simply due to a lack of time. And I’m terrified that it’s going to end up being a disaster on my wedding day.
My hair is extremely long (past my waist), straight, slippery, and heavy.
I can’t wear my hair down because my dress is backless and I’ll sweat and just make my hair sweaty and limp. And because it’s so long and heavy, it doesn’t hold a curl at all.
I really want it in a full updo and off my back and neck, but the last time I had an updo was for my high school prom and the stylist got so frustrated with my hair she started crying. And the updo looked only so-so and fell out before the night was over.
So I’m trying to prepare myself psychologically for the fact that I will probably hate my hair. But I guess there’s no point in having beautiful hair when my dress is going to look like crap.
The Ceremony Music:
My aunt is a professional flotist and has done a lot of weddings. When she volunteered to do the ceremony music for us, I was happy to have her. Not only did it save me money and time from trying to research and book another musician, but I know the quality of her work is good.
Except she has basically not communicated with me at all. I keep sending her messages about it and she simply doesn’t respond. My mom says she has been over there, sharing songs with her and asking her opinion… but she hasn’t asked my opinion on anything and hasn’t responded to any of my questions about whether or not she can play this song or that song.
Like the other relatives of mine who appear to be snubbing me, I have no idea why she is avoiding me. And unlike the other relatives, she and I are actually pretty good pals and we used to talk a lot. So… I just don’t get it. My family isn’t one for feuds or anything and I don’t understand what is going on with people and why they are suddenly acting like this. And for the record, I’m not even being a bridezilla. I’ve been extremely hands-off about everything, so it’s not like they’d be resentful about me bossing them around.
There are other things that are bothering me, too, but those are the biggest ones.
The whole thing just sort of reminds me of all my non-birthday parties. Since my birthday is two days before Christmas, no one could ever come to my party and a lot of people would cancel the last minute or not show up. I remember one year when I was in college, I organised a party at a pizza place and invited all the people whose events I had been to. It was a week before my real birthday, so not too close to the holidays. And my then-boyfriend and I just sat there, waiting… no one showed up and I was still out $100 for the room rental. So I guess my wedding will be like that, but on a bigger scale.
It’s possible I’m just overreacting and being hormonal from PMS and all, but it really bothers me. I feel so disappointed and just want the wedding to be over so we can come back home and pretend none of it ever happened. I’m mad at myself for letting people talk me into having a wedding that I didn’t want.