Post # 1
This is kind of a pity party, but wonder if anyone had these feelings when planning?
I’m living in Hawaii and no one from my side can fly out here for cost reasons but a very small group. I’m marrying a New Zealander, who’s family would probably prefer to go to Hawaii, rather than MN, where the wedding will now take place.
I bought my own dress and am trying to plan, but am finding that it’s difficult to book venues, find vendors, from afar and sight-unseen, which will have the “perfect touch” and look like how I envision this celebration should look.
My theme is water. I have been trying to get planning started, (wedding in May) but time is ticking and no one seems in that great a hurry to talk about: budget, colours, venue, food, guest list … but me. Is there a polite way to ask moms, sisters, cousins or anyone for a little excitement and help in coordinating something like this? I feel over-whelmed by the travel, ettiquette and balancing act of something (even a small, Catholic wedding such as this is meant to be) when I feel like I’m dragging everyone along behind me.
To be fair: I’m 36 and the oldest in our family, but last to get married. Both siblings had big weddings, mine is 50 people.
Two of my cousins are getting married within the 7 months prior to mine; my mother suggested that I might wear one of their dresses. I don’t understand.
Post # 3
I wish I could give you a big hug, because I think it would help. So here is a cyber one *hugs*.
I planned a wedding 5 states away and it was difficult, so I cannot imagine how hard it is for you.
My advice is… focus on the things you can do. Maybe you cannot get the 100% perfect venue of you choice. But you CAN have the 100% perfect invitations, programs, menus, favors, etc.
Also… you probably don’t want to hear this… but if you would rather have the wedding in a Hawaii… have the wedding in Hawaii. If people can’t afford to come, that sucks, but it is what it is. Especially if people are not showing a lot of enthusiasm.
Post # 4
I can really relate. It is really hard to plan without support, people where you live, people excited to help out, and people suggesting you wear someone else’s dress.
I second the advice to do what YOU want. Maybe it is a blessing, in a way, not to have people being overbearing (?) or taking over your plans? If you do want help- just ask, but that might be more difficult- negotiating others wants and needs.
Post # 5
Thank you, @cbee and @Schatzie821.
I am feeling your aloha over the net! It is certainly a Special day for any couple, and though I suppose, I could have it here and make all the touches my own, somehow I think it would not be the same without the smiles of those who were there when I was a little girl, a growing girl, a teen, you know.
I’m going to take a deep breath, focus on the first step, the second. I thank you both for breathing a puff into my sails. That was maybe the breath I needed.
Post # 6
Here is a hug from me to you too! I totally understand. I had a sorta long engagement 17 months. But now that its 9 months away and I need to really get started on stuff, everyone still seems to think its far away. My mom actually said to me when I asked if she would help with stuff, “its your wedding, why would I help?” So i finally decided that I’m going to take it all on myself, hope that some people will help and if they don’t, that sucks for them. My day is still going to be awesome because I’m going to make it what I want it to be with or without their help!
Post # 7
@fishwoman, I appreciate your kind words. It looks like I’m not the only one who is feeling a little deflated.
It’s a bit weird too because my mom has said that she and my dad are going to evaluate how much they are able to contribute to efforts, and as this is not determined (and nothing seems to be getting determined) I’m not really sure how big/small my dreams should be.
Post # 8
Oh dear! I just saw your post on my thread a minute ago, so aloha again!! I’m so sorry not everyone is showing enough interest in your special day. They may be feeling a little wedding’ed-out, from the other family weddings in the works, perhaps? Even still, that isn’t fair to you.
You know, my SO and I originally thought that of course we should have our wedding where our families are (in the NW, as you know from my post), because it seemed to make the most sense to go to where 99% of the people who are invited to this wedding are going to already be.
But you know what? We decided that our wedding needs to be about us, celebrating our life, and our love not only for each other, but for our home here. This is where we began building our lives together. This is where we will start our family. This is home.
Yes, you should be considerate toward your guests, but they need to also be understanding of your needs! Logistically, we came to the conclusion that it was just going to be far too difficult to plan our wedding from thousands of miles away. It would even end up costing us far more travel $$ for us going over there to see and book vendors, multiple times likely, than it would for someone traveling to HI one time for our wedding. And they would get a vacation out of it! We decided that to be fair, we should give them at least a year’s notice to save if need be, but that really all of our most important loved ones will make it no matter what.
Can you buy yourselves (and your guests) some more time by pushing back your wedding date to allow for everyone to plan to come to the island? I really think it would be a good choice for you.
And girl, I’ll get excited with you for your wedding here!! We’re neighbors! 😀 hehe! aloha nui loa & BIG big hugs to you. <3
Post # 9
You put the smile on my dial big time. It’s almost pau hana and I’m going to float on out of here. You’re right. Of course more communication is what is needed. This weekend, I promise myself that I’ll make this conversation happen, and frame it with love.
Post # 10
Oh and I forgot to mention that my parents still have not gotten me their guest list because they told me “they are busy” and its been 8 months that I’ve been engaged! It takes some excitement out of the day, but I feell like i’d rather not tell them stuff i’m doing for the wedding, cuz they just complain and make it less fun!