Post # 1
DH had the day off yesterday. He spent his entire day organizing the garage, cleaning up the house (dusted, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom), did laundry and cooked dinner. It’s enough to make a girl swoon and I very much appreciated all the effort and I made it a point to tell him thank you a gazillion times.
DH moved into my house and I went through the process of purging some clothes that no longer fit, and I never wear (to make more room for his stuff). I have a friend that wanted a lot of the clothes (some brand new, most in great shape) and I took all the clothes, bagged them up and was going to sort through them into a pile for donation and a pile for my friend (to see what she wanted).
I had an appointment by my house yesterday and I dropped in to give DH a quick kiss and hello. He was in the throws of garage organization and I peeked in to see what he was doing and it all looked great. He mentioned going to Go
odwill and I pointed to the corner of bagged clothes and told him those weren’t ready to go (but the other stuff he already had out of the garage was fine).
Well, I come home, and he’s telling me all about his day and mentioned he took everything in the garage to goodwill. INCLUDING the bagged clothes!!!! I said: but those weren’t ready to go! and, I could just SEE his face drop. I tried to not make a big deal about it – but I was sooo frustrated. On one hand, because I don’t remember everything was in there (for itemization) and on the other hand because they were really good clothes that my friend could have used! When I realized how frustrated I was – I tried to dial it back, but I think the damage had already been done. I spent the rest of the night, trying to tell him how much I appreciated all that he had done…. but at the same time, was trying to figure out where the breakdown in communication was!!
Anyway – that’s my story. Thanks for letting me get it all out!
Post # 3
Tip for the future? Put large labels on bags in the garage. Obviously he really got into cleaning up and forgot what you told him.
It’s so much easier to avoid miscommunication that to deal with it after.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Oh that’s so hard.. to be frustrated with someone who was trying to help, knowing you can’t fix it now, and doing damage control for the frustration in the first place. My only advice is to just let go of it: your friend could have used those clothes, but someone else who shops at Goodwill will also be able to use them. It’s okay.
Post # 5
My DH has done this before too because I swear the mans favorite thing in the world is to throw stuff away, but he never does it purposefully so I make myself get over the anger quickly and just laugh about it. I make fun of his ‘trigger finger’ that throws everything in the garbage can, if I leave something lying out and take my eyes off it for two seconds it’s in the trash. He does make a point to ask me if things can be thrown out after a few of these mishaps, so now when it does happen I know it was an honest mistake.
I think the main thing is next time this happens, if you immediatley know there is no way to fix it (like you can’t go back to goodwill and ask for it back) then just laugh about it and make light fun of him.
Post # 6
this happened last week to me and DH too. He thought he was helping, but I was saving a few items for our friend’s little girl. i agree with @moderndaisy: if there’s nothing you can do right away, just let it go for both your sakes!
Post # 7
@moderndaisy: I’m not the only one!!! My husband LOVES throwing things away, too!
Post # 8
@julies1949: THANK YOU for this tip!! That will definitely help!
He knew not to throw out some of the wedding stuff I wanted to sell! But knew that eventually that stuff would be going to goodwill …
I just don’t understand what part of: DON’T DO ANYTHING WITH THAT PILE wasn’t communicated!!!!
This just reminded me of when he “helped me” clean out the trunk of my car shortly after the wedding. I had SO MUCH wedding related stuff in there – stuff that I didn’t necessarily want to keep but wanted to go through and reminisce about. Who knows what else was in there (I was running around like a crazy woman the week of the wedding). The day he cleaned it out coincided with our trash day – so I couldn’t even SEE what it was. Sigh. I’ll never know. (Obviously, nothing important – but STILL!!!!) I was so sad. And here he was, just trying to help.
Post # 9
This is so something I could see happening in our house. I think I will use that tip also.
Post # 10
@oracle: this happens all of the time in my house. I plan out my meals for 2 weeks and then get the groceries to coincide with the meals that I have planned. At least once a week DH will start to cook a meal for us when I’m not home, which usually means he’s used ingredients from other meals that I have planned. Usually too, it’s ingredients for 3 different meals and it undoes half a week of planned meals. I used to get so mad at him, yell and what not, all to apologize after, because he was trying to help me by cooking a meal and just letting me relax. He still does this and doesn’t realize he’s even doing it because his heart forgets the last time we argued about it. Now I just let it go and enjoy the meal and stop at the store the next day to replace the items. Although it’s tough, I just want him to feel appreciated.
Post # 11
Uh oh. Keeping this in mind. I’m used to my grandfather who loves to keep EVERYTHING, but he’s not a hoarder. He just makes sure it’s something we could use or not before it’s trashed/taken to Goodwill.
Post # 12
@mwitter80: I have the reverse problem, when it comes to cooking! I’ll buy some staple items to use during the week (random protein, veggies, etc) – if DH cooks, he for some reason will want something that doesn’t use ANY of the already bought items and will go out and spend more money on other things to cook…. which means we’ll have spoiled food (the stuff I bought) by the end of the week. LOL. I stopped stocking up as much, which means more frequent trips to the store, but still 🙂 had to giggle when I read yours!!
I guess it’s all about focusing on the BIG PICTURE!!! I know I have a hard time with the way I’d do things vs. the way he chooses to do them…. I never want to make DH feel like he can’t do things right or that his efforts are unappreciated… because they aren’t… but, I’d imagine that if his actions cause me visible disappointment – it could be perceived that way.
Every day is a new opportunity to learn, right?! 🙂
Post # 13
I can see myself in your exact shoes. I think its more about the fact that maybe you feel like he wasnt listening to what your were saying. In fact Im sure he was but he had so much other stuff going on that he probably just got it mixed up. Honest mistake. Maybe do something really nice for him tonight or this weekend out of the blue if you are still feeling bad about how you reacted. Sometimes its hard to cut someone some slack and react without thinking. Im sure we have all done it!
Post # 14
@PitBulLover: thank you! 🙂 That was it, exactly!! My frustration wasn’t so much in him giving away the stuff as it was he didn’t understand why I wasn’t ready to do so… or pay attention to what I was telling him. Sometimes I wonder if what I say falls on deaf ears with him!
I don’t feel frustrated about it anymore. Last night, I almost brought it up, but thankfully bit my tongue. I had talked to my friend and wanted to joke around with him that she was ‘upset’ (she wasn’t), but I opted not to. I guess this just gets put in the ‘shakes my head and walks away” category! I’m sure I have my share of things I do that either frustrates DH or makes no sense to him!
Post # 15
Haha–my husband was in such a cleaning-induced brain fog he accidentally threw away some of my tax papers that I needed to send to my accountant–oops! 🙂
And @mtwitter80–can I ask why, if this scenario keeps repeating itself, do you continue to shop and plan meals the way you do? Could you cut back to shopping for one week at a time given that your hubby likes to cook sometimes too?