(Closed) Feeling the pressure of perfection…

posted 4 years ago in August 2013
  • poll: Do you feel pressure to make things go right?
    Yes, I feel pressure and I'm nervous : (36 votes)
    84 %
    No, I'm cool as a cucumber : (7 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3431 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Bebealways:  Oh Lawd! Yes! Ruffled is a mild word to describe my feathers. LOL  Relax and take it all in …it won’t be long now:) I have adopted the I’ve tried my best mentality as in I’ve tried my best to plan a DW wedding and I am actually expecting a few mishaps..Nothing’s perfect you know:) 

    Post # 4
    Member
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think I’m doing pretty okay for someone OCD/perfectionist. My biggest worry is money and the best man. We’ll be okay but tight money-wise, and I’m working on the other thing. I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control how they affect me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3431 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @vorpalette:  Why are you worried about the best man? 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1781 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    These are all normal emotions! it’s a lot of pressure and our fairy tale dreams are becoming more and more realistic. We were once counting down for something that seemed far away and now we are right around the corner! It’s so exciting!!!! Society puts a lot of pressure on women to look the most beautiful you’ve ever been on your wedding day and to have your wedding be perfect. I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful and that everything will turn out how it should; there is always room for mistakes and things may not go perfectly but you’ll be fine! I think you’re having the normal pre wedding jitters that it seems like everyone goes through.

     

    My jitters haven’t come yet, but I’m sure they will!

    Post # 7
    Member
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Birdi: Ughhhhhh. 

    He’s FI’s older brother. Incredibly irresponsible (he’s 35!!!), does not give a fuck about anyone but himself/his psycho wife/their kid. They’ve been alienating themselves from the family (his, not really hers) since their kid was born, and I am over being done and I don’t want him in the wedding anymore. I’ve posted tons of stuff about him before. :

    Post # 8
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I totally know what you mean!!  We are spending more than we could/should have on our wedding, it’s not even going to be that big (~130 people) but we wanted to make it grand, being the biggest day of our lives.  But we are doing a LOT of diy and taking on a lot of things for ourselves that just adds to the stress.

    How are you “foolproofing” things??  That should definitely put you somewhat at ease, and I’d like to know if I can lift some ideas to make sure things run smoothly 😉

    Post # 9
    Member
    3431 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @vorpalette:  OMG..I just read them…I’d be worried too although the wife sounds like a real treat!  Hope they don’t pose a problem for you guys. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Birdi:  Oh, yeah, I thought you’d enjoy this. So FI’s SIL (the wife) has two Facebook profiles. One that’s her real one (and on which she’s friends with FI’s nutjob ex but declined my request because she wanted to “keep things separate”) and her fake one.  I emailed FI’s brother back in March, putting out feelers for his bachelor party–I said that my bridesmaids were looking at dates for mine and wanted to know what he was thinking for FI’s. He took a month to respond and said that he could only afford to come up for the wedding and wanted me to ask one of the other GMs to do it instead (uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…no.).

    So this morning, I get a post on my wall from SIL’s fake account:
    “We tried to stop & see u & FI last weekend but it didn’t work out–just wanted u 2 know that u were thought of & loved. We had a busy weekend as we were trying to teach 2.5 good dance moves while chasing him w/ bells on. Sounds like plans r all coming together! We cant wait!” 

    …you have got to be fucking. kidding. me. I hope to fucking god they weren’t actually up here recently, because I will fucking lose it if they were. Also, “thought of & loved”??? By whom??? Because I know it wasn’t you!

    Post # 11
    Member
    12 posts
    Newbee

    I can’t control other people’s actions, but I can control how they affect me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3431 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @vorpalette:  LOL!!! You’re cracking me up!! People in my office are giving me odd looks! 

    what an honor to be “thought of and loved” by that whacko!! must’ve made your day:) Imagine how that kid of hers feels…poor thing. 

    seriously, your FBIL should really plan that bachelor party…what a douche! 

    Post # 13
    Member
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Birdi:  Seriously. Apparently they were here for a “fam. emergenc.” (her words), but they had time to “stop by” our apartment to see if they could hang out? Uhhhhh no. FI and I had a lovely weekend all to ourselves (which we never get anymore), and, hi, they are NOT WELCOME in our apartment. We do not have the space or cleanliness level or time to keep a cleanliness level acceptable for company in our apartment, and no effing room for two more adults and a toddler who scares the shit out of our cats. I’m glad they saw that my car was gone and chose to go back home instead of CALLING like normal people do. I don’t do “surprise” visits, sorry. That shit is not cute, and I will tell you to gtfo.

    Post # 14
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yes! I have planned most of this wedding by myself because I have really enjoyed the process, but I feel sort of like my sense of style will be on trial or something, as irrational as that sounds to myself as I type. Like it’s my one opportunity to show what I can do. Also, I tend to get overwhelmed when there will be a lot of eyes on me, so I am trying to anticipate that and figure out ways to stay calm!

    @vorpalette:  All I had to read was “fake Facebook account” to feel like I had a sense of your FSIL’s character. How can that equal anything but drama!?!

    Post # 15
    Member
    11242 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MissAusten:  IKR? Because having two Facebook accounts to “keep things separate” is ALWAYS a good idea and NEVER leads to drama.

    @Birdi:  I though you’d enjoy this: FI met with his dad yesterday. Apparently dad saw his brother/SIL while they were here and they had a long talk, during which they said that they were having marital problems (no kidding, they’re a weird fucking match), blamed their problems on FI’s ENTIRE FAMILY because we “aren’t supportive” of the way they’re raising their son. No shit we’re not supportive of them keeping him from the family, never letting him walk, keeping him in your lap/within arm’s length at all times, and not letting him be a child. Other than that, or the fact that they refuse to buy actual furniture (they literally sleep on a futon mattress and have two computer desks and chairs and nothing else), the way they’re raising him is fine (just very different from what we’re used to), and no one has ever said anything. Our issue lies with the fact that his wife has no interest in the family at all. Her family is #1 and his doesn’t even register.

    Oh, and that “family emergency”? Someone in her family got into a car accident. So they don’t have the money for FBIL to come up here and throw FI a bachelor party (even just like…going out to dinner!), but they have the money to come up here at the last minute because some rando family member got into a car accident? That’s nice. Oh, and then, you know, to tell his dad that it’s the family’s fault that their marriage sucks.

    So then I told him that he seriously needs to think about asking his brother to just come as a guest. He said that he was already leaning that way, or at least asking him to just be a groomsman and having his cousin be best man. Unfortunately, the only way we have to get in touch with them is via email, which they take forever to respond to. He emailed his brother, begging him to PLEASE call him so that they can talk. It almost sounded like he was going to give his brother the choice, but I really hope that he stands up for himself and makes the decision.

    Post # 16
    Member
    8001 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Yes, OP. Definitely feeling the pressure, especially as I’m basically DIYing it all myself, and I’ve had soooo much flack for my wedding choices so far. I’m moody, stressed, and a mess. I just want it to be over, and for there not to have been any major disasters.

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