Post # 1
I am so confused these days. I am normally such a happy sunny person, but in the past week I have become totally crazy. My fiance proposed a few months ago, and I love him to pieces. I really do. He is a wonderful man, I have never met anyone like him. However, in the past week, he can’t seem to do anything right. I am short tempered and just downright unpleasant. I snap at him over nothing, I am starting to really hate myself. We were reviewing the venue contract today and he was making great points, but I felt anger toward him over everything he was saying.
I am SUPER sensitive, and quick to react and this is just not me. I really am excited to marry him, but the planning just does not feel fun right now. The cost is getting out of control already, and my whole idea was to have a wedding that didn’t cost so much because it is just not my nature. I am in my 30s, so I am over the idea of the perfect princess day. I want a special day to share with my family and best friends, and that is what we are doing. However, things just feel overwhelming. He is trying to help, but when he does, I get irritated and I don’t want his help.
I just feel generally annoyed by him, which is strange. It started one week ago, but it came off the heels of an amazing weekend we had together. We spent the weekend in the place where we will get married, we had an incredible romantic time and I have never felt more love for him. The second we got in the car to head home, I became a total beast and it hasn’t stopped since.
Help! He didn’t do anything wrong but I feel SO angry with him for no reason at all. I suddenly can’t stand the way he chews, sleeps, and I don’t like some of the people he has put on the wedding list…so of course I read into it and feel that we come from different places and that is a reg flag. One week ago I was fine. What happened? Is this normal?
Post # 3
This happened to me! I think it’s normal for people who are kinda… I don’t know… glass-half-empty people, LOL. (like myself)
Our wedding was last night and now I feel totally back to normal!!! 😀
Post # 4
First thing first- don’t beat yourself up over how you’re feeling, it’ll only make things worse. You can’t help your emotions, the best thing you can do is be good to yourself and try to figure out where they’re coming from.
When you say he proposed a few months ago, I think that you might be coming off that newly engaged high and the “work” of a wedding is setting in- not to mention the cost! I have had times like this with my fiance. Of course no one knows your relationship the way that you do, but in my case, I sat down with him and explained that I was just feeling overwhelmed and irritable. I apologized for snapping and told him it wasn’t his fault, I was just in a funk. Everyone gets in them. I’m sure he’ll be understanding.
If you think it would help, you could take a “me” night. Go visit your family or your girlfriends or just snuggle down with a movie or a book. Those kinds of nights help me immensely! Take a weekend off from wedding planning too. Do fun things with him that aren’t wedding related for a few days.
I hope this helps! Most of all, know that everyone feels like this about planning a wedding at some point- no matter how excited we are to get married, weddings are overwhelming and emotional and you will have a few more bad days or even a week. Be nice to yourself and open with him, it will be okay
Post # 5
Thanks ladies. Your comments do help. If nothing else, it is just nice to know that this is at least somewhat normal. One week ago I was standing on the porch of the hotel where our guests would stay, and I was filled with such peace and happiness and felt like the wedding day couldn’t come soon enough. Literally the second we got back in the car to head home from that amazing weekend, I went nuts.
We do communicate really well, so I do think it will help to sit him down and talk about it. He knows I am upset but at this point he is just trying to stay out of my way. So sad!
It scares me because I am going to marry him and I just feel SO incredibly annoyed by him right now. For NO reason at all. We have been together for years so of course there have been rough patches, but now it all feels so final due to the wedding. I love him, and I have no plans to leave him but I asked myself why I was so unhappy and the thought of calling off the wedding came into my head. I KNOW I don’t want that, but why would I even think it? Maybe I just really hate wedding planning.
Also, I think I am having Dad issues. The closer I get to the wedding, the more distant I feel from my Dad and I hate it.
I wish I could just be one of those girls that focused on the party and ignored all of the other huge life changes. It would certainly be easier!
Post # 6
But often those girls who only focus on the party are the ones who aren’t ready. It’s easier before the wedding- after the wedding is over and it’s the marriage, that’s a different story.
Marriage is a huge deal. Literally, it’s the biggest decision you ever make. It determines your family from this point on. You might want to check out “The Conscious Bride” blog- I am an overthinker and a worrier, and this helped me a lot.
Just like any other major change in your life, you’ll have conflicting emotions about getting married. Think of it as leaving for college or moving away from home the first time (times like 1000). There’s excitement and joy, but there’s also anxiety and a sense of loss. You’re giving up your singlehood, plain and simple. It’s such a major life transition, and the wedding industry makes us believe that it should be all rainbows and butterflies, but it isn’t. That is not to say that you should stay with someone you are unsure about. But give yourself a little time and accept that engagements are really difficult. It’s a weird limbo period. Let yourself have whatever thoughts pop into your head. Virtual hugs!
Post # 7
I am feeling better with each post I read! I remember when I was a kid, I absolutely LOVED summer camp. I was obsessed with it and I looked forward to it all year. The night before I left, every year, I would get so sad and cry about not wanting to leave. I always thought I was pretty good at navigating change, but maybe I am not as good as I thought!
Not to get all deep, but I do think that our culture doesn’t help us with this transition. We’re supposed to be obsessed with the wedding and be on air. So, I end up feeling like a freak when I feel more anxiety than glee.
I have been trying to just listen to my heart and be peaceful with myself. I go through moments of peace, and then moments of hysteria. I guess this is just part of the ride. I just hope I can get a grip before I drive my poor fiance crazy.
Post # 8
Here’s one last link, and then I’ll stop going on and on and on
http://conscious-transitions.com/?page_id=347 This is that Conscious Bride blog, and it talks about the transitions you’ll go through leading up to being married. Definitely part of the ride!
Post # 9
Your feelings are completely normal! Don’t beat yourself up about it. I went through something similar when my husband and I first got engaged. Even though I had absolutely no doubt in my mind that I wanted to marry my husband, I think I still freaked out a bit at the finality of it all, and it seemed like everything he did annoyed me! Like others have said, wedding planning is really stressful, so I think these feelings are super common.