Feeling unsafe in my neighborhood- Advice??

posted 4 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you have security at work then you should definitely tell them. If your fiance can come and walk you home then that is probably a good idea as well. If nothing else, invest in some mace and a knife.

Post # 4
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I would move. That second incident would be the end of the rope for me.

Post # 5
Member
8426 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Stephefanie:  *HUGS*  The first incident could possibly be an accident, but from what you describe, I highly doubt this.  While the second incident could just be coincidence (i.e. he came into your store and was told to ask you or something) it’s still strange.   Is there someone that could walk with you to work, or drop you off?  If you are truely feeling unsafe, I think the only option would be to move (or carry a concealed weapon if your state allows, which I don’t think it does). 

Post # 6
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would be totally freaked out. Was it the same guy in both incidents?

can your FI drive you to work? Or maybe take a cab home? It’s so close that it wouldn’t be expensive but i think it would be worth it.

does your building have a manager? I’d ask about cameras and say there have been non residents hanging around the mail area that are making you uncomfortable.

Post # 7
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Stephefanie:  The first incident could have happened anywhere. You get creepers all around.

I wouldn’t freak out and move just yet.

I would bring the second incident up with your employer. Whoever is releasing personal info about the employees needs to stop. Even if it’s just like “oh yeah, that’s Jane”, which mean sound innocuous at the time. Your boss needs to have a talk with your coworkers on security policies.

If you see this guy again in your building, I would let the police know.

Post # 8
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you can’t move, then I would, in this order: 1 – notify the police. Call the non-emergency line and just file a report so if nothing else, it’s on the record. 2 – notify your building security/office/whomever. My FI’s former building had a similar issue and one of the tenants finally told the office – they had NO idea, but they posted warnings with the guys description. 3 – notify your shop’s security.

Post # 9
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Not to make you feel worse, but if he saw you checking your mail, he knows what apt # you live     in now.

Post # 10
Member
2400 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Stephefanie:  Yikes! What a scary situation! It doesn’t sounds like the two are linked but you really never know. All that matters is you feel uncomfortable and somewhat in danger. I’ve only felt this way in my neighborhood once, I purchased some mace spray they make for joggers so you can strap it into the palm of your hand & still use both hands. I love it- never had any reason to use it since that once incident but I will def. take it out & walk with it if I’m feeling like i’m in a dangerous situation. I wanted a stun gun but those are too expensive & too many laws re using them. If your really worried get some bear pepper spray- much more intense & goes farther but more expensive as well. 

Post # 11
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

May I ask what town you live in? I also live in NorCal (Emeryville?Berkeley) so I may be able to give more specific insight.

I think that while your commute is ideal (as is living walking distance from all that shopping) it also makes it easier for a creepy guy to follow you home.

We live close to Emeryville shopping – about 0.5 miles away, so we can walk there/drive there easily without actually living there (which you can – there are awesome condos/apartments upstairs). The shopping areas are the only high crime areas in my city, largely because it draws people from all over, plus shoplifting, etc. I think your issue is more one of convenience – someone can easily follow you home.

Post # 14
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Stephefanie:  My thought was that maybe he’s been unemployed for a while, and is getting desperate, and thought a “personal connection” might help him, and he didn’t realize how creepy he was coming off. It would definitely freak me out, though. On some level, living in a more dense area like the Bay Area leaves us vulnerable to “weird” interactions, though. The Bay Area seems to have more weird people in general, I have to say – i’ve had more weird encounters in my year of living here than I have in my entire life living in TX and Boston, haha. Mostly in San Fran and Oakland!

Post # 16
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Stephefanie:  Always listen to your instincts.

I really, really recommend that you check out or buy a book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin deBecker. The main takeaway is just what I said above — trust your instincts, no matter whether you understand them or not. But more generally, the book is chock-full of amazingly useful information on how to keep yourself safe on a daily basis (even, and especially, if you start to suspect someone’s stalking you).

In your shoes, the first incident would have irritated but not alarmed me. The second incident would alarm me even if the first incident had not occurred. A man waiting at your building, who knows your name and where you work, but who does not (by all appearances) live at your building, and who refuses to give information about himself — this is really, deeply concerning.

Chances are you’ll never see him again. But just in case, lay the groundwork: Notify the police. Also notify your workplace about the incident, so your coworkers can be on the lookout for him, and also so they know NOT to respond to inquiries about you in person or by phone (but to pay attention if this should happen, so they can log the details of who’s asking, how, and when).

If you should see this man again, do not engage him. Take measures to get away from him into a crowded public place. Keep a record of every time he appears, and by all means, if he tries to engage you, call the police.

If you fear this seems paranoid, return to the beginning of my post: LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. They have warned you that something’s up. De Becker’s book is chock-full of examples of how people discount their instincts, or are guilted or shamed or embarrassed or manipulated out of listening to their instincts, with bad results. Again, that book is recommended by a HUGE variety of self-defense instructors and police departments, so I really recommend you give it a read!

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