(Closed) Feeling upset after fight with FMIL

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

hmm, this is a toughie. i’m inclined to say that you might not be able to do anything to fix it. you can talk with your guy but i wouldn’t necessarily be the one to initiate healing between him and his mother. they need to do that themselves. whenever i had an issue with my dad, my guy would advise me as a third party but ultimately leave it in my hands to decide how i want to proceed from there since i know my dad and our situation better.

as far as the lawn care goes, i would go and just buy your own lawnmower and start taking care of the lawn. i wouldn’t depend on his parents since that just brings more drama than anything.

i hope the situation gets better. good luck!

Post # 4
Member
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

it sounds like his parents are trying to still exert some kind of control over their son – maybe it’s hard on them to have to let go and realize their baby is an adult. Just buy the lawnmower you want and if it’s hard to afford, really cut down on other stuff for a while. Being on your own and doing your own thing and answering to no one is priceless.

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m so sorry your FILs are being so awful. I would definitely let your FI handle it though. Obviously talk about it with him, but in the end he should be the one to deal with them, since they will love him no matter what!

I would just go buy a lawnmower. That might help avoid some of this drama!

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ditto what’s been said above, especially regarding getting your own lawnmower.

Post # 7
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Buy your own lawnmover stat!  Let as much as possible of the rest of it be solved by your FI on his own.  The only things is that they probably won’t yell at you so you’d have better luck pointing out that they “refused to let you borrow the lawnmover”.

But in any case, it’s not their house and their opinion is irrelevant.  Harsh but true.

The relationship on the other hand of course has to be maintained and nurtured.  However, I would not allow someone in my house if they could not refrain from cirticisms, we could meet in public restaurants or at their house instead.

Post # 8
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Being on your own and doing your own thing and answering to no one is priceless.

Oh yes!!  I agree with the others.  Let him deal with his mom; if he won’t do anything until she apologizes, I feel that’s a good thing.  He’s not apologizing just to make peace.  Get your own lawnmower to do as you please.  And don’t borrow anything from them again!

Post # 9
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow I’m sorry. I agree, just go buy your own lawnmower & take care of your yard.

I think there’s something underlying this issue. I’m not sure what it is, maybe its that they’re having a hard time “letting go” of their son… but it doesn’t give them an excuse to do that. Maybe they’re having house problems of their own, do they rent? Or do they own?

I’d fix your yard up with your own lawnmower & after the yard is not a crazy mess, to have them over & spend time with them. Is the only time your FI calls them is when he needs to use the lawnmower? If so, maybe they feel that you only call them for help.

Post # 10
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Definitely go and buy your own lawnmower! It’s the easiest solution, and his parents won’t have a hold on the two of you anymore!

Post # 11
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

How far do you live from his home?  I ask b/c maybe you lived closer before, and she’s upset that you guys moved away…

Post # 12
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is easy. Just buy your own lawnmower and do everything yourselves. Make some time every weekend to weed and mow your lown (and water it). This whole scheme of “borrowing” his parents’ lawnmower obviously isn’t working out and is just giving them a reason to complain. Take matters into your own hands.

Post # 13
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Buy your own lawnmower!  Do it today!  Take care of your yard and don’t involve them at all.  This sounds like a powerplay on their part, and you cannot have any part in it.  You need to set boundaries now, and part of that is being totally independent from them.  This includes being able to mow your lawn whenever you want.  She should apologize to him, and he can deal with her outburst however he wants, but the best way to keep the relationship civil is if they have no say in how the two of you live your lives together.  Good luck!  Have fun lawnmower shopping!

Post # 14
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

I’m SO sorry to hear about the drama, over of all things the lawn. I definitely agree with the posters above who suggest getting your own lawnmower. I’ve seen lots of enviro friendly ones, push mowers that are cheap cheap if money is an issue, at least until you can save for a gas/electric one.

I’m inclined to agree with Mr. Bee about the moving away being the root of the issue. I know that my FMIL wants us to move within 15 minutes of her to take care of our not yet existant babies, however we are planning a move more than an hour away for our careers. I’m sure it will turn into a fight, I just hope it doesn’t manifest in criticism about our lawn or home. You have given me lots to think about, and things to talk about with my FH!

Good luck with the lawn/FMIL. I’m sure that she and your FH will resolve everything when the time is right. Now feelings are hurt and the fight is fresh. Time always brings perspective and allows silly fights to be seen as they truly are, silly! I hope that in time everyone can air their feelings and move forward!

Post # 15
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

This is typical parent behavior. Honestly, purchasing a home can really bring out the crazy in people as much as a wedding can. It’s definnitely a control issue here and it’s clear that your future in-laws don’e believe you have what it takes to be independent.

Whether or not this is actually the case (I personally believe you guys can handle things on your own), it’s almost a natual instinct for parents to want to take care of things for you.

My brother actually had to deal with many of the same issues that you’re going through when he bought his house. My parents transformed into evil monsters, their behavior was quite uncharacteristic and totally uncalled for. Their reasoning is much of the same of how your future in-laws felt.

At that point, I just told my brother that he needed to go out of his way to make sure that our parents were not involved in any way, shape or form with the house. Their relationship with one another was very strained for quite some time. They didn’t even communicate for months on end.  But over time, my parents attitudes changed and they backed off (since my brother shoved his independence in their face) and now their relationships is just fine. They treat him with a lot more respect and don’t cross boundaries anymore.

 

Post # 16
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I say buy a lawn mower yourself. Don’t ask them for help or to borrow theirs anymore and just take care of things yourself. They will come around and when they see you taking care of it all on your own, maybe they will have better feelings all together.

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