Post # 1
I really hope this doesn’t come off bad but my “friends” are not what I need them to be. I already cut out one friend because the relationship was one sided and I felt like I could no longer be the only one working on it. But now I sometimes find myself wanting to contact her again because I would just like someone to talk and have a girls night once a month or even once every two months. I have another friend who I have always been friends but she isn’t very reliable, she tends to get into controlling relationships and we only really act like friends when she in between relationships because she focuses all of her time on her relationships and the same girl who would text me every day and would want to hang out once a week disappears and I may get a text from her once a month, even when I call or text her she won’t get back to me for at least a week, at least with the friend I cut contact with she would text me back. My third friend doesn’t live in the same town as me so I can’t really count on her to hang out because she only comes into town for short visits and has a very large demanding family, which I am fine with I just wish I could see her more
I guess what I want is just one consistent friend, I get things that come up but I feel all my friends are so off and on. I just want to have someone who will be there for me when I need a friend, I have my FI but it just isn’t the same as a girlfriend. Before my friend, who I cut off contact with, met her husband we had a great relationship, we weren’t attached at the hip but we still saw each other occasionally and were always able to talk to each other when the one was having problems or just needed to talk. I just want that back.
I guess this is all coming out right now because FI has been on call a lot and we haven’t been able to see each other much and I would just like to have someone I could call be like hey lets go grab lunch or dinner or even coffee for a half hour sometime this week whenever you are free. I’ve been stuck all alone and it is just showing me how much my friends aren’t around. I get that they all have lives but I guess I wish I could be included more into their lives; I make time for them, why can’t they make time for me?
Ugh I guess this mostly a vent to just get my feelings out there but if you have any advice or words of encouragement I would love to hear it bees. Thanks for being here so at least I have SOMEONE to talk to.
Post # 3
@alyssaC: I know exactly how you feel. I moved to a new city 3.5 years ago and I am STILL trying to make a good, reliable friend. Something that is currently helping me is that I started some new hobbies, and have started meeting some new women. It may work out, it may not… but it fills up some time and gets me out and talking to people instead of staring at the computer or TV screen. Can you maybe join a local book club, take a painting or baking class, try a yoga studio? I started feeding horses on the weekends and helping take care of them while the owners are out showing them, it has allowed me to meet some really interesting people. Sorry, I do know it sucks 🙁 What sucks more is having crappy friends, so if someone is being one sided or emotionally a drain, it is A-OK to cut them out and be picky about who you let close to you!
Post # 4
@alyssaC: I was totally feeling the same way today…I fell out with my best friend of 28 years last year and even though she totally sucks…I miss having someone to hang out with…all my other friends are drama queens or parents and I don’t do either very well…so that leave me, doing stuff lone ranger style….I just want someone to be my Tonto…is that so wrong?
Post # 5
@Nona99: NO it’s not wrong at all!!! You deserve a Tonto! I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose a friend after ALL that time but I get how much it sucks to one day have a best friend who you think will be around forever and the next day they are no longer a part of your life. My friend and I talked about everything and knew everything about each other and then one day I realized that I just no longer mattered to her. She has a husband and a daughter now and I never expected to hold the same place in her life that I had before but I never expected her to push me out completely. She was always enough for me and I loved the friendship we built and I miss her so much but I know if I contact her she will just hurt me again.
Post # 6
This post is soooo relatable!!
I’m really sorry…I really get it. I think becoming engaged really showed me my true friends…something I never expected. As exciting as it’s been, it’s been painful, too. It’s like some women think I only want my soon to be husband as my only friend. That isn’t healthy or what I want. But I had one friend tell me, when I started dating FI, that she knew I wanted to hang with him all the time, so she didn’t invite me to an event and I promptly corrected her. 🙁
Two friends just up and fell off the face of the earth when I got engaged. One was really, really mean. I wish we could just talk but she ignores me, so I let it go.
I do have other girls but we aren’t close. They are sweet people but have their own lives too. One dear friend has gone above the norm…I’m so appreciating her but b/c her current schedule it’s not like when we were both single. It happens.
I shed tears a lot about it.
Post # 7
I can relate as well.
I never had many friends growing up, and when I moved two hours away, it didn’t help matters. I have three friends, all of them are parents, and only one lives in my city, and she only recently moved back from Texas after splitting with her husband. I know that she has a lot of things going on for her right now, but she’s been back a week and I see her post on Facebook about hanging out with everyone, except for me. She doesn’t respond to my texts, calls or Facebook messages, and when she does, she always backs out on any plans that we have. It hurts, because I consider her to be a good friend. My other friend only lives an hour away, but she works all the time, and when she’s not working, she’s busy with her October wedding. I understand this, because I’m running around with my wedding too, but I miss hanging out with her. My last friend lives two hours away and all she’s worried about is her boyfriend. She will go weeks without talking to me, which is a bit hurtful because we’ve been friends so long and because she’s also my MOH.
I love FH, and he is one of my best friends, but I miss girl time. I get more upset about it now because I am stressed about school, money and the wedding, and I feel like I’m doing everything myself. It’s tough, and I hate feeling lonely.