Post # 1
So, I live in the burbs and work in Minneapolis. My commute is 30 miles each way. I leave for work at 6 am and it takes me about 45 min. The drive home is harder and usually takes about an hour, sometimes longer. Switching jobs right now is not an option. Neither is moving closer to work (at least not at the moment).
So, I drop my baby off at daycare at 6 am. She is one of the first kids there (although there are a few others, usually 2-3 other babies getting dropped off at the same time). I leave work a little before 4, but usually can’t get up there until around 4:45- 4:50. There are still other babies there (the daycare is open 6-6) but of course all the babies that arrived when mine did are long gone. I get home with my baby around 5, feed her dinner, play with her, and put her to bed around 7:30 pm. I don’t regret being a working mom (I don’t have a choice there, we need my income) but I really hate how 2 hours of my day are spent sitting in traffic. I get SO jealous of the other moms who only use the daycare 8 hours a day, instead of me at almost 11.
So yesterday my boss asked me to work late since I had to cover for one of the higher ups who had a heart attack. I didn’t want to because I leave before 4 so I can try and avoid rush hour but of course I couldn’t tell him that so I stayed. The drive home was horrible, there was construction near my street so I had to take a detour, and my baby was tired so my husband put her to bed at 6:30 so I did not see her at all yesterday (other than the 10 min between the time I woke her up and dropped her off at daycare). I had already had a hard day so I just started bawling. The best part of my day is picking her up from daycare and I look forward to it everyday. My husband does not understand and thought I was massively overreacting.
I will be covering for this guy at my work for awhile, the construction is all through the week, so my time with my baby will be short for awhile. I just hate it and want to cry and am not getting a lot of support from my husband who says she is fine and not to worry. I guess I’m just looking to vent and wonder if anyone else is going through this.
Post # 3
It really tough sometimes balancing work and mommy time. Is there anyway that you could change to a daycare closer to your work? When my oldest was young I had a longer commute too and she would ride with me and go to daycare right acrss the street. Granted she was old enough that we could sing in the car and talk about her day.
Post # 4
@Tatum: ((HUGS)) You’re not a bad mom! You’re doing what you have to do and the best you can. This makes me so sad. I stayed home for four years with my son but even leaving him at age four about killed me, lol. It never gets easier being away from your baby. (Now my baby is in college and I still can’t stand it).
Your husband is right and she’s fine but I know how you feel, it’s so hard. I think Mommies go through separation anxiety even more than babies do.
But what your baby will remember is all the beautiful moments you’ll spend together when you can. Sometimes it really is true that the quality of the time is more important than the quantity of time.
I wish you all the best!
Edit: I also think that Dads can’t quite “get it” in the same way how attached we are to our babies, it’s a visceral-woman thing.
Post # 5
While I generally agree with PP about finding a daycare closer to your work, I will say it is hard with an infant on a long commute. I did this when DS was an infant (had him in a home daycare close to my office), and while it was nice to have that extra time, when he was fussy, it was a fussy hour long car ride home and there was nothing we could do about it. Not exactly quality time…
I’m sure you have a bedtime routine already established, but don’t underestimate the benefit of even just watching your LO or holding her while she’s asleep. Having that connection.. hearing your heartbeat… breathing in your scent… you could be giving both of you comfort if you take some peaceful moments. Maybe get up 15 minutes earlier in the mornings and just hold her while she sleeps… I used to do that with DS, and at a minimum, it helped me.
Post # 6
@Sunfire: Completely agree that Dad’s often just don’t feel the same way about these things as mom’s do. At least not my Dh:)
Post # 7
Oh gosh (( hugs )) I feel you, 1000%. Don’t beat yourself up, you are doing the best you can. That’s all any of us can do. It does get better as they get older, I promise you that. My 4 year old doesn’t even bat an eye that I work long hours and even though I miss him the few hours we get count. Hang in there, being a working Mom is tough but just know you are a GOOD Mom.
Post # 8
@Tatum: Lots of hugs. You’re not a bad mom. You’re providing for her to have a wonderful life. It’s so hard to drop your little one off every day and only see her for an hour or two at a time at night. I’m going to be in the same situation once our baby arrives in the Fall. My commute to and from work is an hour and 15 minutes or more every day, so I totally feel your pain.
I agree with @inspiredcreations: don’t underestimate your time watching her sleep too. I know it’s not the same as seeing her smile, but I’m sure she can sense that you’re there watching over her.
Post # 9
I had an hour or more commute for years, in the beginning family watched him. I first started in daycare when he was 3. I dropped my son off at daycare at 7am and picked him up at 6pm every day. He cried when I dropped him off every day for the first year. However one day after a few months had passed, I had to run back and drop something off. I saw that within a few minutes the tears had dried up and he was off playing with his friends.
It tore my heart out at first but I didn’t have any choice. I also had to work many nights where I would pick him up and take him to my mom’s then go back to work till much later. We do what we have to do as parents. If it means we spend less time with them to make sure that they have a place to live and food to eat then we do it. Don’t ever feel bad for taking care of your child. It might not be physically but you are still taking care of your child.