Post # 1
Please excuse the weird story…
We just moved into a new apartment in a different part of town. My FH left to go on a sailing trip in the Caribbean with his family literally the day after. I was originally gonna use this time to go home to my own family, so I declined to go on the trip with them. Plus I didn’t want my parents to feel bad, since we have never even come close to being afford any kind of vacation much less a sailing trip. I ended up not going back to my family, because I’m studying for a professional exam right now and I need to be spending all my waking hours on it. I took a week off work, but I basically can’t go outside because I told my work that I went home to visit family, since they don’t know I’m studying for this test and they will ask what I’m doing in town, etc. They can’t know I’m studying for this because I’m hoping to switch careers with it. And now we’ve moved so close to my work that I constantly see everyone at the grocery stores, gym, everyone lives in this neighborhood, etc. So basically I can’t go outside except early in the morning to get food and stuff, and I’m on house arrest the rest of the day. I can’t go do something fun with my non-work friends because I REALLY need to be studying. Like this test is one of the most important tests in my life. I can’t just go out.
I can’t talk to my FH at ALL while he’s gone because they have no phone service down there and only very intermittent spotty internet. He’s gone for a total of 2 weeks, it’s only Day 5 and I feel honestly depressed. I’ve had to deal with so many things alone like things breaking down in the new apartment and needing to hire men to come fix it, people banging on my door in the middle of the night because they think it’s the door to a party that’s going on next door, hearing news from my mom that she’s thinking about leaving my dad, hearing from her that my grandpa has a few months to live, getting info about possible job opportunities that I need to discuss with my FH but can’t, etc etc just like a whole perfect storm going on over here. I’m so down that my studying isn’t even getting done, and I just don’t know what to do. I felt bad and beat myself up because at first I was like, how am I so needy and I’m falling apart without FH, but it’s not really that — it’s because the timing of his trip (which was pre-determined) was so terrible, and now it honestly feels like he left me or something and now I’m taking on all of this myself.
I’m sorry for being so whiny, but any advice or encouragement will be greatly appreciated… Thanks in advance.
Post # 2
It’s day 5…you can easily tell people you came back early because someone had a stomach bug or something. Get out of the house and hit up a cafe to study there, or even better a park so that you get some air. You’ve got tons going on and a lot of possible big life changers. Take some deep breaths and start moving….if you know someone local meet them for a drink or lunch, you’ll probably feel a lot better!
Post # 3
It’s only been a few days so this doesn’t sound very healthy to feel like this so quickly.
BUT if it makes you feel better my husband has been deployed for months on a submarine and right now we have ZERO contact. I’ve moved all alone and do most things by myself. I try and do things to keep active. If I need to be in the house I clean, put things together, try new recipes on a small scale, read, etc. Your short time will fly by!
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. 🙁 This may sound lame, and I know you’re busy with studying & are trying not to be seen out of the house – but can you book yourself a massage or a facial or something relaxing/pampering? Treating myself to something special like that never fails to boost my mood and make myself feel better. Try doing something for you (especially since FH is away) and then focus on studying for your exam… you’ll get through this!
Post # 5
Thanks for the replies ladies. Yes, I see how it looks “unhealthy” because it’s correlated with my FH being gone – believe me I’ve thought about it too, but we’ve been apart a lot before, for a lot longer, and it’s been totally fine! I think it’s just a whole lot of changes happened at once, and I’m sure that even if he was here I would be having issues with all of this. The fact that he isn’t here might just be the straw the breaks the camel’s back. And maybe I’m projecting everything I’m feeling and going through onto the fact that he’s not here, because I think even if he did come back I would still feel overwhelmed by everything.
Post # 6
xtals: Oh dear, you poor thing! It sounds like you’ve had a bit of a perfect storm with the way all the timing for these events has worked out, and I’m not surprised you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and low.
Don’t waste anymore time beating yourself up about how or why you feel the way you do – you just do, and that’s ok! Try being as compassionate with yourself as you can, the same way you would to a friend who was in your situation. It’s a shame we’re always so much harder on ourselves.
I agree with a PP – think of a good explanation as to why you are still in town, and then you can go out without worrying about bumping into people. It doesn’t have to be a white lie as such, you can just say that your plans to go and visit family didn’t work out, but you decided to use your leave anyway since it was already sorted and you had a new apartment to unpack!
It sounds like you’re working towards an exciting goal with your study, so try and focus on that and all the other good things that are going on. Make sure you get some fresh air and eat and sleep well, and pick some small activities to fit into your day that you find relaxing. Basically, just take care of yourself! I’m sure once you adjust to this transition and funny time without your FH, and relax a little more, your focus for studying will come back.
Wishing you the best of luck and sending you my happiest, most supportive vibes 🙂
Post # 7
xtals: I think it’s more to do with all the other personal stuff going on than it has to do with your FH being gone. I understand. If your man is your go-to when the crap hits the fan, his being incommunicado brings everything crashing down. I totally understand! I do think you need to get out of the house though. If someone sees you, say you had to come back early. Cite one of your appliances in the new adjustment breaking down or say someone got sick.
Is there anyone else you trust to talk through your family issues? I’d give them a call or meet then for lunch and just have a talk about how all this is going on. If you want to get any good studying done you’ve got to get out of your own head for awhile. Best of luck to you and I’ll keep your family situation my thoughts. I know it’s hard. Hang in there.
Post # 8
Miss_Mae: I pretty much teared up reading your kind and helpful response. Thank you so much for your encouragement!!
Post # 9
xtals: tackle one thing at a time!! it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed with so much going on! Your life is so different just from moving and not having your usual support around, it’s natural to be upset. Just take some breaths and focus on one thihg at a time. Maybe that means studying for a bit and then unpacking something as a treat, or going outside for some fresh air?? This will pass!!
Post # 10
Thank you all! I’m breathing now that I’ve figured it out a little more. It really helped to pinpoint that the problem wasn’t my FH but all my own circumstances/issues. I feel much better knowing that, and that’s a place I can start working from. Never underestimate the kindness of strangers, thank you bees!
Post # 11
xtals: Glad it was helpful 🙂
I like to consider myself a fully grown, independent, and capable woman but for some reason exams are the one thing that can reduce me to a jittery anxious mess for weeks in advance! I also get unsettled easily with big changes (such as moving apartments etc) so I can completely understand your feelings right now.
Hang in there – it may not feel like it right now, but I bet you’re past the hardest part. Once you settle in a bit more and find some ways to help yourself relax, I’m sure everything will seem much easier in no time. In the meantime, be super kind to yourself – you deserve it. Good luck!
Post # 12
I would be overwhelmed, too. The time will fly by. Could you go to a movie? I have done this alone (and if you did it Mon-Fri, you likely would not bump into anyone) and during those times it is pretty empty and it was very relaxing. Definitley come up with a simple story (had to come back early, felt under the weather and decided to stay home, etc.) and go out and about. I don’t enjoy being locked up inside for too long, either. It really is none of their business what you do in your off time, anyway.
Work going out into your study schedule each day, so that you get a good break. You will be able to fill in FH on everything when he gets back. Have you ever kept a diary? It can be a really good way to vent without talking to others. I always feel better when I write. I hope you feel better and that everything works out. Good luck on your test!!! I have to do my final exam and project for my classes right before the wedding. Talk about panic! But I don’t want to push back my career goals anymore, I want to finish and get a real job. You can do it!!!
Post # 13
Okay, whew. Deep, deep breath! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now and nowhere to lean for support. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather–I will keep him and your family in my thoughts. One thing that helps me when I feel overwhelmed like this is to just take one thing at a time. It’s easy to kind of spiral into panic mode when you start to add everything up, but if you just kind of deal with one thing at a time, it becomes more manageable.
So, first, girl, get yourself out of that apartment! If someone from work sees you, just say that you came back early because your mom wasn’t feeling well. Second, don’t get totally bogged down studying for this exam. You need to take breaks–even of just to take a walk or grab a coffee. Third, as hard as it is to try and do this, I’d put what your mom said about leaving your dad aside. You can deal with that if it happens. You can’t worry about a relationship you have no control over. Hopefully things will work out, but you need to focus on yourself to get through these days until your FH gets back for support.
:HUGS: and deep breaths!
And best of luck on your exam–I’m sure you will ace it!!