- Miss Mochaccino
- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
While looking for an invitation envelope in my DH’s study, I inadvertantly found an evelope that read “open discreetly hahaha”. I opened it and saw it was a card from my DH’s sister to him with a picture of two animals snuggling. She had written about how one was her and one was him, and how nothing could beat their bond or their connection and how he is the only one she can laugh with and that she misses him too (implying he must have been saying he missed her). I realize that there is nothing wrong with some of those things, but the fact that she wanted to give this to him “discreetly” so that I could not see it, and the fact that she says that nothing can beat their bond bothers me. I think that marriage should be the number one closest bond in a married person’s life; not a brother-sister bond. :-/ When you get married, you agree to “forsake all others” in that sense.
DH and his sister were always close and she has really felt “left behind” after he got married. She doesn’t get out much, doesn’t have many friends, and still lives at home despite being 30. When I first entered the picture, she was really jealous and did not treat me well at all. She also became very needy and mopy and pouted a lot and demanded his attention. I raised this with DH and the conversations surrounding it almost drove us apart — he is very protective and defensive of his family and he had great difficulty seeing things from my perspective. Over time, though, he showed me and convinced me that he was willing to make our relationship his number one priority in marriage. He made so many efforts to set a good foundation for us — including counselling and pre-marriage classess all initiated by him while we were engaged — that I completely believed him and knew that whatever family issues may come up he was committed to working it through together.
I know that he worries about his sister and wishes she would develop more of a normal social life (she has a good job and professional life, but no social life at all). I do know that DH and his sister talk regularly and I have no problem with that — it’s good to keep up relationships with family and most of the time her calls do not interfere with my private time with DH. But I don’t like this secrecy thing that she tried to do and reading this letter from her almost felt like a betrayal from DH. I’m not sure why yet and I’ll have to think on it more. I may just feel over-sensitive or over-reacting. But this situation just doesn’t sit right with me — the letter really bothers me. It feels like someone is fighting for the number one spot in my man’s life, I guess. Maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way. Thoughts anyone?