Feelings are not the same…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

What types of things did you used to do together? Maybe you’ve developed different interests now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t revisit old hobbies, or discover new ones together. If you’re doing your own thing a lot then you aren’t still developing your relationship. Maybe you need to learn something new together, it’ll help you spend time together and build memories (instead of just floating through each day). 

Post # 3
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

My ex and I were together for 3 years and started to have less and less in common. I got really into photography and he hated it, wouldn’t even go for walks with me if I brought my camera. He lost his job and would spend 14 hours a day gaming. I decided I wanted a higher quality of life and left him. I gave him one last chance to try harder, do interesting stuff together, but it didn’t last. It doesn’t sound like your case is quite extreme but I am much happier now with my photographer fiance! I know it is hard to get the courage to leave but if you aren’t happy because you have to choose to be together or do what you love, it makes the choice easier. 

Post # 4
21 posts

I just left my relationship of four years for many reasons, this being one of them. It got to the point where I would have a free night and I would have preferred to stay home and watch tv then make an effort to go see him. It just didn’t matter to me anymore. It was kind of like what’s the point. I don’t know if youve gotten to this point yet but if you haven’t i think you could still turn it around. 

Like pp said, maybe try revisiting hobbies you shared in the past. Or maybe trying something new For both of you. 

Post # 5
858 posts
Busy bee

Try and recall the things you two did when you first started dating. Pretend to be on a first date. I think this is a common issue with relationships, you get comfortable and forgot to have the “old” fun with each other. 

Post # 6
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 1975

juliana192:  Been in a relationship in which I was no longer interested romantically in my partner. Don’t know if that’s the same thing as what you’re experiencing. I figured there are plenty of other individuals out there that I could connect with and enjoy being with and doing whatever. I broke it off once I came to terms/realized. Never looked back or regretted it, just didn’t want to waste his time or mine. Maybe couples counseling? Or going on frequent date nights to reconnect. How much is this relationship worth to you to try and work out. Good Luck!

Post # 7
527 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think this is fixable, honestly. If you’re not desiring each other, there’s no way to fake it and expect to stay married 40 plus years. Happily, at least.

Post # 8
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Charleston, SC


juliana192:  I completely disagree that this is an unfixable situation. To be completely honest, I went through a period when I felt the same about my now FI. You have to decide if you want to put in the effort to make it work, or if you’d rather find another relationship. And either is fine.

It was really hard for me to feel like that, because I always knew I loved him and he was supposed to be “the one.” How could I not want him around? I chose to stick it out and see if my feelings changed for the better. They did, and now we’re engaged and happily planning our wedding, but some days I really had to force myself to interact with him and be HAPPY about it. Eventually, in our case, I realized my ideas of how things should be and feel were getting in the way of how good he could make me feel, regardless of silly arguments we had or what other people’s so called “perfect” relationships were like. 

Obviously your relationship is different than mine, but just wanted to let you know there can be a happy ending!

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