Feelings I never expected to have

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

The beauty of wedding dress shopping is that the dress is ultimately tailored to fit your own body. I totally understand frustration with trying stuff on, I’m a pear shape with a petite upper body and a tiny waist so very few things off the rack fit me well everywhere. 

weddings can be tough and people unfortunately do let you down or just speak without thinking. I had a very hard time with my own mother through a lot of it, including getting ready the day of. You don’t want advice and I’m not sure I can give any anyway as I don’t have any solutions of my own but I did learn that weddings won’t change anyone – they will be who they are regardless of the importance of the situation. 

Post # 3
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Stick to shopping with people who give constructive advice, not negative toxic ones… even if they are your mom or mom-in-law. The latter is just not helpful. Period.

 

Post # 4
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

CestTresJolie14:  dont be sad! You should look into places with a good Petite department. They will have garments that better fit your porportions (which btw a lot of ladies would be THRILLED to have). Also remember the glory that is alterations.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

CestTresJolie14:  You can either stand up to mom and tell her that her hurtful comments are rude and unwanted or you can stop inviting mom to go shopping.  I vote for telling mom that her comments are unhelpful and that unless she finds a more constructive way to say she doesn’t like a particular style of dress, she can stay home for future shopping trips.  Just because she’s your mom doesn’t mean she gets to insult you whenever she feels like it. As for FMIL, she is not required to go dress shopping so I just wouldn’t invite her anymore.

I’m pretty petite so I ordered a dress from Dressilyme with custom sizing.  It was the only way to ensure I got a dress within my budget that fit my short torso and long legs.

Post # 6
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

SHe’s your mother. Its her job to critique you.  My mother said my wedding dress looked like spider webbs. She always has something to say so it just rolls off my back now since i know she still loves me, she’s just an honest person with her kids. 

Shop at petite stores and get the dress tailored. Though honestly its not that important to get a special dress for only a few pictures. 

Post # 7
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

PPs have made some great points. I’m sorry that this experience has brought out the critical side of your family members. Maybe do something nice for yourself, like getting a mani or a new lipstick, just to get your feel good mojo back?

Post # 8
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

CestTresJolie14:  I feel your pain.  I have always been underweight with a very small frame and no boobs so finding clothing is definitely a challenge.  Dresses suck to shop for.  Period.  So I have definitely been in your shoes.   I wouldn’t worry too much, though.  

I haven’t been feeling irrationally sad like you say you have been, but I feel like my patience is out the window and I get irriated easily.  Hopefully once planning is out of the way things will go back to normal.

Post # 9
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Your’re being irrational. Your Mum didn’t make comment on your body. She said the DRESS was “too big in the bust” or the DRESS was too tight on your bottom. You’re the one who translated that into being something negative about you. 

Post # 10
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

CestTresJolie14:  K, it sounds like we have a pretty similar body type. I feel your pain. The dress I wore for my bridal shower, I bought online. I hate not being able to try it on but I could not for the life of me, find anything that I liked.

When I bought my dresses for anything wedding related, I pretty much did all the shopping on my own and I am SO glad I did. It made things so much easier! Even with my wedding dress, I only took one person at a time and I was actually alone when I made my final decision.

Everyone is SO opinionated when it comes to wedding planning and I cannot stand listening to so many different suggestions.

There is nothing wrong with your body. Don’t even think that. You will find something that you love! Stop asking for people’s help and advice on your outfits. You’re the one that has to wear it. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

CestTresJolie14:  Comments from people can hurt when you least expect them too. Perhaps you’re feeling the pressure of the wedding and it’s getting to you without you realising it. I don’t think you’ve overreacted as remarks about ones body or how you look in something, no matter how comfortable you are with the way you look, can knock you. 

Take someone with you who is more supportive and who will help you pick something rather than knock you down each dress you try. I soon realised it was pointless taking my mother with me dress shopping as we had totally different tastes. So she thought dresses SHE liked but I hated looked better on me. I’m so glad that I only took her with me once!

Have you thought about getting something made? I had my reception dress made from a company in China (via eBay) and it was better than my wedding dress! And fitted like a dream! And was ridiculously cheap for what it was. Having something made to your measurements will flatter you a lot more than something off a rail. All of my custom made dresses are the most flattering items in my wardrobe for my pear-shaped/bordering-on-midget sized body! 🙂 

Post # 12
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Is there anything you like that could be taken in?  Both Neiman’s and Bloomies have on site tailoring services.  Many, many people have a hard time buying anything off the rack.  

With a mother daughter relationship, there can be a fine line between negativity and constructive criticism.  For instance, if you think your mother has good taste and judgment and are receptive or have solicited her help, what she’s saying might very well fall in the latter category.  There’s nothing insulting about  telling you that a dress is too big on top or too tight on the bottom.  In fact, it can be very helpful good to have an unbiased pair of eyes.  

But if you don’t want her advice and have made that clear, it’s really about unwanted input, not body image or who has better fashion sense. In that case, go shopping by yourself and buy what you like.  

 

Post # 14
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 

CestTresJolie14:  That’s awesome! Your Dad sounds like the sh*t lol 🙂

Post # 15
Member
7075 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel your pain. I’m not the same body type as you, but my mom was super critical when we were dress shopping. Finally I actually broke down and cried and told her she was really hurting my feelings, and after that she was much more…tactful. I think she just didn’t realize how much those little nitpicky comments can really bring someone down, especially for a day when you’re trying to look beautiful.

I LOVE Sue Wong dresses. I’d totally ask if they could alter it!

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors