Post # 1
I have some family across the country in California who very obviously won’t be attending and that I actually haven’t spoken to, besides facebook in years. They were invited to the wedding more out of family obligation since it has been so long since we talked.
My mom and grandmother have instructed me that all females on the wedding guest list should be invited to the shower as well. This just makes me feel uncomfortable sending an invite to someone that obviously isnt going to fly out here. I feel like it will be perceived as me being greedy and only sending an invite because I want a gift from them. I havent even met my cousins wife, but am told to invite her.
How did/would you all handle this??
Post # 3
Jeesh just so happy I don’t have this problem! I would imagine, if you’re Definite they won’t be attending the wedding itself, they are not gonna care about not getting an invite to the shower?
Post # 4
I was just talking to my Future Mother-In-Law about this last night. She was telling me that it’s not necessary to invite out of town ladies/family members to your bridal shower. I’m in the same predicament. I’m getting married in California, but we live in Texas. My shower will be in California at the end of next month.
Good luck :]
Post # 5
Maybe send them an invite with a little note saying you don’t expect them to fly out for the shower but wanted to send out the invitation anyway. That’s probably what I am doing. Or I will not send an invite at all.
Post # 6
The only out of town woman I would invite are those that are very close to you. For example we invited FI’s aunt and sister who were out of town. While they did not attend I didn’t want them to feel left out. But in regards to a distant relative that you don’t really talk to, I would save the invite for the wedding.
Post # 7
Thanks ladies! I dont know why but this is the most stressful part I have encountered so far! I feel like I dont want to be perceived as greedy so I dont want to send an invite, but as my mom pointed out, what if they are expecting one and then feel left out when they dont get one. AHHHHH!
Post # 8
I voted for invite, because you never know who’ll surprise you. I’ve travelled out of state for bridal showers before! That was before I realized that you were talking about people you’ve never met who you aren’t close to, so you’re probably right that they’re not going to come. I would say that you don’t need to worry about looking greedy, however, because it’s my understanding that there’s no expectation of a shower gift unless you actually attend (unlike weddings where some people thing it’s polite to send a gift even if you can’t go). If you’re mom and grandmother feel strongly about it, I’d say go along with it.
Post # 9
This is a good question, one I think many of us run into. I would imagine that you’d send invites to those you think will be able to attend only. I feel like out of state women would not be expecting an invite, but I of course could be wrong.
Post # 10
Depends on the size of the event – if your host is hoping for a more intimate party, i say only invite the very out of towners that you’d truly want there, not the ones out of obligation. I don’t think it’s gift grabby if you’re close to the person you’re inviting out of town. But if you’re not close, don’t worry about it – they probably will not miss the invite. My SIL only invited my bridesmaids that were out of state, or friends that had ties in the area that may have been able to make it (example – my good friend from college lives in CA but happened to be spending a week in PA visiting family and might have been able to make the shower, so we sent an invite).
Post # 11
I think everyone likes to be invited. Even if they can’t come. And a couple might surprise you by making the trip because they really want a chance to be a part of your life!
Post # 12
You don’t have to invite all the women on the guest list. Just invite those you are closest too and/or want to attend. You aren’t obligated to invite everyone – and, invite the out of town people you want to be there. If they can make it, they will! I don’t think anyone from out of town will expect a shower invite, personally.
Post # 13
I went through this with our flower girl, her mom, our ring bearer, and our bird bearer. They live in North Carolina and I cannot imagine them not being invited at least. I couldn’t care less about presents, but I don’t want to leave anyone out. They mean a lot to me, so they need to be invited.
Post # 14
I think it would be in your best interest to invite them, because even if they dont come, they may send you a gift.
Post # 15
Honestly- yes. I say yes. Make them feel included. I would not do it for a gift though. I would do it to make them feel included and let them know they don’t have to send a gift if they obviously cannot come. IMO, I think it would be rude to ever send one just for a gift.
Post # 16
In general, the “all females must be invited” rule is old fashioned and not very practical. Otherwise you may end up inviting people like the wives of coworkers, even though you have never met them. So forget the rule, and only invite the people you want to be there- your nearest and dearest whoever they may be.