(Closed) feels like i will be waiting forever…..!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m really sorry I don’t have any advice. I just wanted to give you a *hug*

Post # 4
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

this doesn’t sound right – you surely can’t put off engagement and marriage because you’re paying off a car??

is paying for that thing eating up all of your money that doesn’t go towards rent and bills?

that does not sound good.

Post # 5
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m with lookingglass on this one.  If the payment on a new pickup will be costing you so much money that you can’t save for a ring/wedding/honeymoon/kids/retirement then you guys need to get something cheaper.  I would for sure have a serious talk with him soon.  Not just about being engaged and a timeline though, I’d bring up being financially secure, and make sure you guys are on the same page and saving for your future.  Btw, if you wait another 3 years, won’t you be common law married anyway?

 

Post # 6
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

Yes techically they would be common law married.

Post # 7
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

You’ve told us practically the same story in your last two threads.

People have given you good advice and e-hugs.

Honestly if putting a car on finance is going to cause you guys not to save a cent. Thats how it comes off to me at least. Look at something cheaper. Don’t be stupid and buy something considerably out of your price range. My partner did that. It took a little bit of pushing from my end to re-finance it. Now he is saving but geez, car loans are not good debt. Ever.

Post # 10
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@lucy_smith:  Honestly, if you’ve been with the guy for 5 years and he’s just making up excuses not to marry you then I think it’s long past time for you to move on

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee

Hi

 

You’re not the only one. I have been with my bf for years and I have at least a 3 year wait because we want to go travelling in a couple of years and are saving madly for that. There’s no way we can afford to get married or even engaged before we go.

For me, having “that talk” and knowing that it is something we both want and that it WILL happen one day helps tremendously, though I still have occasional bad waiting days.

 

Have you spoken to your SO about marriage and whether it is on the cards? For me, having a long timeline is better than no timeline x

Post # 12
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

+1 AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken

If he wanted to marry you, he would have done something by now.

Post # 14
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AllTheGoodUsernamesAreTaken:  FYI I notice you are based in UK, Common Law Marriage may exist in the US, I’m not sure.. .. but not here  http://www.lawpack.co.uk/cohabitation/articles/article1585.asp

 

An excerpt from Lawpack’s Living Together – An Essential Legal Guide.

There are many myths about the law relating to those who live together which give people a false sense of security. The most dangerous of these affects unmarried couples who live together (this is known as cohabitation). 

How many times have we all heard that an unmarried couple’s relationship is protected by the law because it is considered to be a ‘common law marriage’.

Think again. In truth, there are no such people as ‘common law wives’ and ‘common law husbands’, since the concept of a common law marriage was abolished way back in 1753 by the Marriage Act. Despite the fact that it is frequently referred to in the press, it plays no part in the law of England and Wales.

Just something you may want to be aware of πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah, common-law marriage isn’t even a reality in most US states. SO many folks though go by the, “You’ve been living together for 7 years, you’re common-law married, what’s the problem?” Not in reality. In most US states, it’s a combo of so many days/months/years living together, plus presenting as ‘husband and wife’ (not sure how that one works).

 

You have a right to be upset. Together for more than 5 years? You’ve even agreed to sign a pre-nup, and he’s still not sure? Unless you started dating as teenagers, I really feel all of this is unacceptable. He’s buying new things and overextending himself so he doesn’t have to worry about marrying you. Meanwhile, you’ll stick around and wait.

After 5 years, you lose the right to say, “I’m not sure…” That’s acceptable within 2 years. Maybe even 3 years (age depending, of course. If you’re 16, you may still be unsure about marrying at 21). But I’d say once a guy’s into his mid-20s, if he’s saying that, he’s just not that into you. He is looking forward to the future…and to other ladies he may eventually meet.

I would say cut your losses. How devastating for someone to say that to you after more than 5 years.

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