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I have 2 childen that are now teenagers (2yrs. apart). They get along well and were playmates and kept each other company when they were younger. Let me tell you, the first time I was alone with one child for more than a few hours was when the youngest was about 8 yrs. old. The older child went on a week long trip with his dad. The younger child expected me to be her playmate, friend, buddy, etc. I was exhausted!!!!!! I called my sister and offered to keep my niece for the next few days so my daughter would have a playmate until my son came back. IMO, one child is exhausting!
ETA: I'm not an only child by my siblings are so much older than me that I grew up as an only child. I was bored and lonely a lot of the time. This is why I intentionally had two children close together.
I didn't vote, since I'm not an only, but my parents were both only children....and there are 4 soon to be 5 of us. My mom has explicitly said, "One of the reasons I had your brother was for you to play with." Then brother 2 was a surprise. Then they chose to adopt my little sister and are adopting another child soon. They are strange, but the main point was, they wanted more than 1 because they didn't like being by themselves so much growing up.
I always wanted 2. However, my FH has 2 already so I just want one. Only thing is by the time we have a baby, his 2 will be adults :(
@2ndtime & @AmeliaBedelia: Makes sense. I had quite the imagination as a kid so even when I was alone, I could entertain myself. I may or may not have had an imaginary friend or two.:)
I hated being an only child until I was about 12. I remember my mom cracking a joke about now being the perfect time to have another baby, and I FREAKED out on her. I think my head must have spun around twice.
I did at the time however, plan on having 6 kids of my own. As I got older I changed my mind, so now I plan on having 4. And I would be thrilled if I got a set of twins!
@UpstateCait: I definitely understand about the imagination thing, my FI laughed at me when I told him I used to roller skate around the basement pretending I was acting in some super awesome play and having a tea party with the stay puff marshmallow man from Ghostbusters lol
I loved being an only child, but I think I might want to have more than one just because now that I'm older I think it will be really tough when my parents are gone (I don't mean to be morbid but I work in an assisted living center and since then this thought has crossed my mind). I think because I was an only child I was a lot more independent than my friends with siblings and I did in school because I always my parents undivided attention (not that this can't happen with siblings, I'm just using my own experience, no offense to anyone!)
We will probably end up having more than one (like you we're several years away from making this decision.) But those are kind of the +'s and -'s I've noticed about being an only :) Sorry for writing a novel!
I was an only child and I longed for someone to play with. Now I have one three year old I always wanted 2 so they could grow up together and he could always have a little playmate.
Also, looking at other parents who have more than one child, they seem to actually have a little time to themselves becaus the kids play together and not constantly want attention from the parents. My three year old never leaves me alone! I love him but my goodness, I'd love to just sit down and read for half an hour on my own! :P
My FI is practically an only child, his half brothers are 10 and 12 years older than him, and only stayed with his dad (their dad too) every other weekend. So he didn't see them much growing up. Like you, he had an awesome imagination (still does) so he was never lonely, but when we started talking about kids he said he wanted 2 so they had a perma-playmate. I've always wanted 4 (or maybe more..) and he was like 'no way!' and we negotiated to 3, but after spending time with my awesome huge family and my mass amount of cousins he has warmed up to the idea of 4 because he wants to have heaps of grandchildren one day! He figures the more kids we have the more chance we have at having lots of grandkids. As he says 'it's just maths really.' I think he also has plans to turn our future children into a traveling rock band.
@UpstateCait: Thanks for posting this thread! My DH and I both have siblings, but since I'm an older TTC'er we're most likely only going to have one child (unless a higher power has a different plan for us). I'm enjoying everyone's responses...especially those that were happy as an only child.
I LOVED being the only child. I don't play well with others, nor share haha ;)
There are so many pros of being an only child. I loved all of the attention and I also got to experience a lot of things that many of my other friends didn't get to do. I think it would be less of a financial burden, and it would be easier as a parent.
But,
I want more than one. I think. I didn't really learn how to share as a child (I even forget the word "compromise"), and I had cousins who all had siblings and was always a little jealous of that bond and relationship that they had.
i am also convinced I'll have twins - we have two sets of twins in one generation, and my grandma had aunts that were twins. It's basically like playing roulette around here.
ETA: My husband is one of five, and I'm really glad that I married someone that has siblings so my kid(s) will have aunts and uncles!
I was an only child and while in some ways I was spoilt, in other ways I was very lonely, I had lots of friends but it is just not the same.
Now as an adult who has lost all grandparents and parents (by the ripe old age of 24) I would love some siblings (some family).
I am pregnant now and would really love to have 3 children.
@UpstateCait: I definitely had an imaginary friend before my brother was born. :) Totally normal, as we grew up to be awesome! haha. I will add this, I would be fine having an only child. A big reason why is because I know my kid is destined to have a boatload of cousins (between all of us, our kids will have a minimum of 5 aunts/uncles, and this is BEFORE any of our sibs get married), so there will always be someone around.
My husband was an only child, so I had him weigh in for me. He's always wanted a big family because he was lonely growing up as a child. He however grew up in a VERY isolated area. It's not like he could ride his bike to a friend's house, or go down to the local park whenever he felt like it. His father went on to have other children (his parents divorced when he was a baby), but not until my husband was in his teens. He feels the "they don't know how to share/are spoiled" thing, like anything else, depends solely on the parents of said child. Had we not sneaked in a surprise baby this go around, I would have been perfectly content to raise DD as an only child. I think it's nice she will have a sister, but I also think she would have had a nice life either way!
@AirForceWife78: Lol, same here. Sharing has never been my forte.
@melisslp: You're welcome! :) I have such an amazing relationship with my mom and I think a lot of that has to do with it just being us for so long (single mom most of my life). Now that I'm older, we're really close. Sometimes she feels more like a friend than my mom. She's even converted me into a garage saler (something I never thought I would become). We go every Saturday morning when there's sales (actually went to one today). I want that kind of relationship with my hypothetical daughter.
@eliwhit: The financial aspect is a big one for me. Kids are anything but cheap. I'm also with you on the sharing front. I didn't even get my first cousin until I was 11 so I was not only and only child but also an only grand child. Not gonna lie, life was good. lol
I'm the exact opposite, but I'm going to comment anyway--I have 6 siblings, and I'm fairly sure I only want one child. (DH has 2 siblings and feels the same).
I'm sure there's a happy medium, but with so many kids, I always got lost in the fray. My sibs were all difficult kids, and I wasn't, so if I wanted any whit of attention from them I'd have had to start failing/drop out of school/start doing drugs/getting pregnant/get arrested/etc. I want more for my kid than to have to give them split attention, or less. I want to be able to give them the quality time, attention, focus, quality of life that I didn't have.
I loved being an only child and feel exactly like you do about it. However, so many of my friends (especially those who have siblings within 2-3 years of their own age) have siblings that they are so close with and I am kind of jealous of that. Also, (I know this sounds morbid and creepy) but I am thinking it might be tough to be the only child when my parents start getting older and need a lot of care. When my grandfather had health problems, his four children all rotated taking care of him, doing things for him, etc. and I think it would be so nice to have that sibling support. So long story short, I think DH and I want multiple kids.
@KatyElle: I can definitely see how that would be lonely. My best friend until I was 12 and moved away lived about 10 houses down. Then my best friend after I moved was about 1/4 mile away so we'd spend whole weekends at each others houses and bike back and forth. If I didn't have them, I'd probably feel differently about the whole thing.
@AmeliaBedelia: Cousins are great! I'm so close with my cousins even though they're younger (15, 14 & 6). Actually, the youngest one is my second favorite person on the planet (yes, I play favorites, lol). Naturally DH is número uno. :)
im an only and dh is an only and we have an only and dont plan on having anymore. we both enjoyed being only children.
I voted in this even though technically I am not an only child, I certainly feel like I am though. My sisters were born 16 months apart.....then there was a 10 year gap to me.
So by the time I started school, they were in high school. By the time I was in high school and wanting to do girly sister things, they had moved out of home and were doing grown up things like buying houses. I always felt that my sisters feel more like cousins, I always felt like I belonged to a totally different family.
Even now we are older, I still am not close and open with them. And I do feel envious of others when I see the bonds they have with their sisters. Right now while I am counting down to marriage, my eldest sister is demanding to seperate and divorce her husband. Thats how out of sync we are.
When I had my daughter I told my partner then and there, if we didn't have second by the time she was 5, we wouldnt have having any more. And my FI agreed with my thinking, he is the eldest of 7 children his father had, there is 16 years between him and his sister. And he is now 43, and the youngest sibling is 16. And he basically has nothing to do with any of them, because they are a different family with a different mother.
In the end our daughter was 2.5 when our Son was born. and it brings tears to my eyes to see her take his hand and lead the way next door to nanas!!!
I always wanted siblings as a kid but I don't want children AT ALL. I don't think it's a good idea to have just one though in my experience..even if you give that one child more quality time, it is still a lonely childhood.
No idea what we'll do or if we'll even have kids, but wanted to weigh in as another only child-- I really loved it, and still do! I totally feel some jealousy towards my friends who have siblings they're close to now, as adults, but I have such an awesome relationship with my mom that I think it more than makes up for not having a sibling. My mom is an only child too, and she had me at an older age/ had some health issues during pregnancy, so I don't actually know if she originally wanted more (she tells me I was a screamer and such a generally hellatious baby, so even if she could have had more kids, there was no way she would have lol!)
On the flip side, my FI is the oldest of 3, and his extended family is super close, I'm ecstatic to be marrying into such a loving and fun family! The big "but" is that my FI is a tad antisocial-- super shy and quiet. He's hilarious and gregarious with me, and a very small handful of close friends including his siblings, but....I'm the friendly/outgoing/social one by a mile! Which I think some people might not expect, given the only child thing. It does kind of force you to make friends on your own, darnit!
I have a younger sister and DH is the youngest of 4, but we are seriously considering only having one.
Unless something drastic happens, we won't be TTC until we are in our 30's and I already feel like I am running out of energy. Financially, 1 child will probably be a stretch and I have the kind of career where mat leaves will be difficult.
My sister is planning on a team of children (4-5), so they will always have cousins to play with and my girlfrieds kids to be around lots.
I think deep down, DH would prefer two, but for now he is saying just one and we'll see from there.
I'm an only child, but I was thinking that two kids would be nice. All my cousins were at least 16 years older than me, so I was always hanging out with adults or by myself. Back then I liked being an only child, but now I feel that I'm missing out on the relationship adults have with thier siblings. It would be nice if there was someone my age in the family to go visit or call and talk to... that's why I'm leaning towards multiples.
I loved being an only child, but I want my children the experience of having a sibling.
I am an only child as well, and I have to say that I also loved it. I enjoyed having my parent's to myself. I can not recall ever once wanting a sibling. In fact, I always told my mother I would be very angry at her if she ever gave me one. I didn't have many kids my age to play with. I was the age gap child for both sides of the families. All my cousins were quite a bit older or younger than I was, so I mainly played by myself and had my world center around my mother, and I loved it.
Although I never wanted any siblings, and still don't, I would like at the very least 2 children, but hopefully more. I love the idea of having a bunch of children to raise and love.
I'm an only child and I hated it so much. I always asked my parents for a brother or sister for Christmas... looking back I feel bad because they tried for many years (tried 6 years to have me even) and it never happened. I do still wish I had a sibling or two but I can accept it better now that I understand.
I did also love being the only, too, though. It was nice to have my own room, my own toys, all the attention. I also have a great imagination that I doubt would've been quite as good if I'd had siblings- I always had to keep myself entertained.
I want multiple children- at least 3, I think. That could change of course. My parents both had LOTS of siblings and I love the large family, all the cousins, and I love that all the siblings are so close.
As sort of a counterpoint- my mom was one of 12, my dad one of 8. All of my cousins are either only children or one of two- none of my aunts and uncles had more than 2 kids.
Two would be nice but I think I could be okay with one, especially if the first was a boy.
I think I'd like to have two kids. I never wanted a sibling when I was a kid, but now that I'm grown up, I envy people with siblings. I don't have a lot of female friends so I sometimes really wish I had a sister.
I voted "other" because I loved being an only child but ended up having 2 kids myself. Not because being an only was a bad experience, but thats just how life has turned out. I definately feel that being an only child has affected how I parent though. I have a hard time understanding sibling relationships because I never had one myself!
When I was younger, I was so jealous of my friends who had siblings! I still sometimes wish I knew what it would be like to have a sibling, especially when I see the close relationship DH has with his brother.
Having said that, I definitely want more than one! We're thinking 2-3. (I used to want 4, but I saw a couple with 4 kids under 7 years of age in tow and I realized that 4 might be too many for me!)
I didnt vote since I'm not an only, but I grew up in a family of 4 children and would love a big family like that. However, I think I'm more selffish than my parents and really dont want to imagine the cost of raising 4 children and putting them through college. (My parents paid for mine complete and I would really love to be able to do the same for mine). I think 2 would be good for me, maaaybe 3.
More than one. I hated being an only child and wouldn't want to do that to my own child.
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As to be expected, there's been lots of baby talk on my side of my family since the wedding. We're not even close to that yet (3-5 years out) but we do discuss kids more than we ever did before. I went to my aunts today and the first thing she said to me when I walked in the door was "Are you coming to tell me you're pregnant?!" (in an excited, not bitchy, tone - so hard to tell on the Internet). Um, no.
So we got to talking about timing, how many we want, etc. I told her that I only want 1 but DH wants 2. She was surprised when I said I only wanted 1 (which is an upgrade from my "never procreating" stance I held until just a few years ago) since I'm an only child. She said that most of the other only children that she knows all wanted to have atleast 2 kids because they always wanted siblings growing up. I was TOTALLY not like that.
I loved being an only child. I feel like I got to experience a lot of things that my friends with siblings didn't get. Growing up, I always had friends around so I never really felt lonely. Actually, most of my "BFF's" we're other only children so we spent a lot of time together. Now that I'm older it could be cool to have a sibling but I don't really think I missed out on anything to the point where I would want multiple. I guess I'd just rather devote all of my time and energy to one kid.
So, fellow only children, if you're planning to reproduce (or already have) do you want your kids to have siblings or are you you staying in "only child camp"?