(Closed) Fellow Teachers…Who to Invite??

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

I’m a teacher also; of course I didn’t attend the school where I work and my ties aren’t as close as yours. That said, we have a million weddings every year at my school… the admin seems to have a habit of hiring engaged girls. In fact some of us joke that we refuse to learn the names of new teachers because they invariably change the first year they are hired!

I think in your case, the best thing to do is invite a very small number of people from work (like, if you have a really close friend or two) and eliminate the others. Those that aren’t close to you, or to whom you are only familiar with through work, should not expect to be invited — even if they choose to throw you a "work" shower. Do not talk about the wedding while you are at work. If anyone asks, "Oh well, it’s a small wedding, you know how it is for us teachers!" and that should be the end of it.

The "rules" here aren’t much different than those for any other workplace, except that teachers tend to seem very close knit and talk to each other about personal stuff all the time, and they gossip a lot. It is easy to start talking about the wedding, but then people will expect to be invited, so I would avoid doing that. 

Post # 4
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception

I didn’t really have the same problem as you, but kinda…

I work at a veeerrrry small, private Montessori school with four teachers and four assistants, plus the director of the school. I became very close to two of the teachers over the course of the year.

Cut to decision time, aka mailing invites time. I had been spreading the word (when asked) that we were having a smallish wedding and Mr. Powder Puff’s family is HUGE, so everyone knew that I didn’t have a lot of room to invite people.

I ended up inviting my director and the two teachers that I really talked to the most. I openly invited the director, but told the other two teachers that I simply didn’t have room to invite everyone, so if they could keep it on the down low that would be great. Which they did.

People probably are not going to be expecting an invitation, even if you talk a lot at school. Invite the people that you want to invite, I would just let them know that you feel terrible, but it’s impossible for you to invite everyone. I think most people have enough sense not to go around and flaunt the invite.

Post # 5
Member
12 posts
Newbee

I too am a teacher. I have a group of friends that I hang out with outside of school. I have a group that I am close with in school (one of whom lives in my neighborhood). I have my team of science teachers that I work with and my team of 7th grade teachers that I work with. My classroom is connected to another by a shared office and the doors are open most of the time.

That said, we decided to invite no one from work. I know that people’s feelings were hurt, but I just told everyone that I could not invite anyone without inviting everyone and that was not feasible. I did let people know where the after party would be and that they were more than welcome to come. My fiance also decided to invite no one from work.

Overall, my feeling is to make sure that all of your family and best friends are invited. With only having 125 guests, do not invite your P or VP due to obligation. It will only result in s/he feeling obligated to come. The old-fashioned rules of bosses does not apply anymore. Also, if you do not see people outside of work, think about how important their friendship is. If they switched schools, would you stay in touch? Just because a wedding shower is thrown, does not mean that people expect invitations.

Post # 6
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am a biologist who teaches at a college, but it happens to be the same college where I earned my undergraduate degree. Some of my co-workers have known me for 20 years! In fact, with both my parents deceased, it is my friend, mentor and former professor (I was once his lab assistant!) who is escorting me down the aisle. I hand-delivered my invites to the co-workers I am really close to. And I was prepared for quite a few not to come because many of the senior professors do not teach over the summer. But, much to my surprise, many are coming! Our division is really like a family. Quite a few of my co-workers attended my daughter’s memorial service and were very supportive afterwards.

Post # 7
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve taught at my school for 3 years, and although I get along with my kindergarten team, I’m still not 100% sure if I’m going to invite them. I do not socialize with anyone from work outside of work so I really don’t feel hugely obligated to invite them. Also my principal called me by another teacher’s name my whole first year and my vice principal screamed at me in the office after I CAME INTO SCHOOL to do sub plans because I was taking my first and only ever unplanned sick day (in 3 years) because I was at the hopsital all weekend with my fiance who was throwing up BLOOD! 

My advice to you would be invite those that are closest to you. The others will understand especially if you talk about how you are only having 125 people. With administration I think the same rule applies. Don’t invite them out of obligation. Who would you rather have your principal or your Aunt Sally and Cousin Steve? Make a list starting with those people you have to have and then just start listing names. If they make the cut then great, but if not you shouldn’t feel too bad.

 

Post # 8
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

At first my rules were I wasn’t going to invite anyone who I didn’t hang out with outside of work and whose cell phone number I didn’t have. At first, I was willing to bend those rules because I was close to one of my grade-level teachers who was much older than me. But, then I felt like if I invited her, I had to invite the 3 other grade-level teacher…then what about the aides…? In the end, I didn’t invite anyone from school. I know that sounds terrible, but in fairness to me I had just started at the school in late August and my wedding is April, so I didn’t have a lot of time to make close friendships before decisions had to be made.

Post # 9
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can 100% relate to your situtation. I’ve been at my school for 5 years in different capacities & am starting my 3rd year as a member of the faculty. I am very close with a handful of teachers & aides and, like someone else mentioned, I have their phone numbers and see them outside of work on a regular basis. I consider them to be friends, not just co-workers, so I invited them immediately.

Unfortunately, now I’m dealing with the same issue of inviting co-workers who I have a great relationship with & see outside of school at school socials & stuff (like my principal), but aren’t super close with. I wanted a small wedding of about 130-ish, which know has an invite list of 190+ NOT including these peripheral work friends.

I would say that you should include people at work who are your friends, not just people who you are friendly with at work. Then, if you can fit them in, try to invite those other people you’d like to have there. What I think is the great thing about working in a school like yours is that most people would not be offended if they’re not invited. I think they’ll understand that you can’t have everyone come & they’ll still want to celebrate with you anway! I’ve been to plenty of showers at my school where I wasn’t invited to the wedding & I never cared. We were all just happy for them!

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I am a teacher – and in the same boat as you. I attended the school at which I have now been teaching at for 5 years. We have about 80 teachers and 20 staff members. I also can’t invite everyone, due to budget concerns. This is how I chose who gets to attend the wedding: If they are someone that I see or spend time with OUTSIDE of work, then they get an invite to the wedding. If they are just friendly co-workers, then I’m passing them by… Yes, I love my 7th grade English teacher that I now work with, but do I share my personal and social life with her? No.. we only talk about school when we see each other at work.

I hope that helps!

Post # 11
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

FI is a teacher, and after much discussion, we chose to not invite anyone, regardless of the relationship, and simply give announcements. There’s just too much room for misunderstandings, or hurt feelings, and with ours being a small out of town wedding (and 1/3 of his co-workers being recently laid off) we didn’t want anyone who WAS invited to spend the money to attend. One teacher will be hosting a small gathering for us when we return, so we’ll have a ‘teacher only’ celebration.

Post # 13
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Okay, just my 2 cents. The first time I got married, it was the end of my first year teaching and I put an invitation in everyone’s box (at my mothers suggestion) this was at a large elementary school with about 40 teachers.

For my second wedding this coming October, I have decided to follow suite with what others have done in the past. I am going to put an invite on the bulletin board in the teacher’s lounge like everyone else has done-my hallmates (PreK teachers and their paras) and the ladies I’m super close with at school already know about the wedding details (the whole school knows I am getting married, but there are some you are closer to than others). I will post the invite and then about 3 weeks out, send an email asking those who are planning to come to RSVP so we have a count for food, etc. This has been done by others in the past with not an eyebrow raised, so I think I will follow suite.

I should also add that I have been teaching in this county for 11 of the years I have been teaching-we are a large school system-AAAAA, but a rural community so it’s very spread out. The school I am at now is also a large elementary school-around 60 of us…so quite a few staff. Our wedding is the weekend proceeding fall break (wedding Sat October 17th, fall break is Mon & Tues October 19th & 20th so alot of people will be out of town)

Post # 14
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am a teacher too.  Similar to what other bees posted.  I am only inviting 3 teachers.  I have grown close to them and hangout outside of school.  I know there husbands, their family, and even baby-sit their kids.  There is no way I could invite everyone else.  I know that they will understand though. Good luck.

Post # 15
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Another fellow teacher… I’m getting married next summer and this will be my second year at my school, but I have already become very close with about 5 teachers in the building. We are having a small (150 ppl.) wedding 800 miles away, so we’ve decided not to invite anyone from work… Instead, we are going to have another reception when we return from our honeymoon for the ppl. at our church and our co-workers.  That way we can thank them for their support and have them help us celebrate again our new life together ๐Ÿ™‚  However, this second “reception” is going to be nothing like the original one… the one back home, is going to be just a pot luck type thing, and/or cookout… nothing fancy, just casual.

 

Hope this idea helps!

Post # 16
Member
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow…there are lots of bee teachers!  I’m also a teacher.  And although I am not yet engaged, I plan to invite my principal and the teachers that I consider my friends, not just coworkers.  In other words, if we go the whole summer break without a phone call or lunch date…well…don’t expect an invite.  With that said, I have a large groups of teachers that I consider friends.  A bunch of us started working the same year, and we have grown very close.  ๐Ÿ™‚

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