Female performance anxiety??

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
989 posts
Busy bee

@pictureaccount:  You aren’t alone! The more you think about it, the further away it goes! Try to be in the moment, I think the key is enjoying what you are doing, and don’t even think about the big O. If it happens – great! If it doesn’t, you’ve enjoyed trying to achieve it.

Post # 4
Member
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have the same problem. It actually makes me really uncomfortable when a guy is trying to get me there because I end up feeling pressured to make it happen, which basically guarantees that it won’t happen. I think the key is to get rid of all pressure and expectations. Let your SO know that you don’t need to O every single time. Stop putting pressure on yourself and try to focus on being in the moment.

Post # 5
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

All the time! If I don’t “get there” in under 5 minutes, it’s not happening.

The hardest part was getting DH to accept it!

Post # 6
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think a good way to deal with performance anxiety is not to worry about “getting there” but just to focus on doing what feels good.  Don’t worry about whether or not you “get there”, just focus on how nice the friskiness feels.  

Post # 7
Member
29 posts
Newbee

When I first got with my BF I had huge performance anxiety! To the point that I needed a couple drinks to loosen me up! But it got better and I warned him that I don’t always get there but I still enjoy sex! Ian’s surprisingly every time he’s tried to get me off, I have!!

Post # 8
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve been there too and still go through it occasionally.  Loosening up with a few glasses of wine or bottles of Mike’s helps me.  If you don’t want to go that route, I totally understand.

 

Do you and your fi usually just jump right into things?  Maybe you need a bit more of a warm-up.  I’m not necessarily saying “more foreplay!” after you just said that it makes no difference, I’m just saying more kissing and cuddling.  It’ll help you relax, too.  

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