Post # 1
Lately I’ve had some trouble reaching orgasm. Not that it’s impossible, but it was a little harder a few times and that got me nervous. As a result, I’m having even MORE trouble now because I start panicking about ‘what if i don’t O’. SO would definitely take it personally (and perhaps be a little angry at me) if I told him, plus he’s not doing anything wrong in bed- everything was fine before I started freaking out.
What can I do to be less anxious? I feel like I’m all worked up and feeling sexy, and then I start worrying and it’s like it just fades…
Foreplay isn’t the answer- I don’t normally need it, and it doesn’t seem to make a huge difference either way.
Also, please tell me I’m not alone lol
Post # 3
@pictureaccount: You aren’t alone! The more you think about it, the further away it goes! Try to be in the moment, I think the key is enjoying what you are doing, and don’t even think about the big O. If it happens – great! If it doesn’t, you’ve enjoyed trying to achieve it.
Post # 4
I have the same problem. It actually makes me really uncomfortable when a guy is trying to get me there because I end up feeling pressured to make it happen, which basically guarantees that it won’t happen. I think the key is to get rid of all pressure and expectations. Let your SO know that you don’t need to O every single time. Stop putting pressure on yourself and try to focus on being in the moment.
Post # 5
All the time! If I don’t “get there” in under 5 minutes, it’s not happening.
The hardest part was getting DH to accept it!
Post # 6
I think a good way to deal with performance anxiety is not to worry about “getting there” but just to focus on doing what feels good. Don’t worry about whether or not you “get there”, just focus on how nice the friskiness feels.
Post # 7
When I first got with my BF I had huge performance anxiety! To the point that I needed a couple drinks to loosen me up! But it got better and I warned him that I don’t always get there but I still enjoy sex! Ian’s surprisingly every time he’s tried to get me off, I have!!
Post # 8
I’ve been there too and still go through it occasionally. Loosening up with a few glasses of wine or bottles of Mike’s helps me. If you don’t want to go that route, I totally understand.
Do you and your fi usually just jump right into things? Maybe you need a bit more of a warm-up. I’m not necessarily saying “more foreplay!” after you just said that it makes no difference, I’m just saying more kissing and cuddling. It’ll help you relax, too.