Post # 1
Sorry if this is the wrong board to post this in, I really wasn’t sure.
My fiance and I have had this 5 year plan. We’d get married, finish school, travel a bit and then settle down and start trying to have our first baby around the 5 year mark. I’m 24 and he is 27. Recently I’ve had issues with my oral contraceptive and we both hate condoms. We started thinking about trying the fertility awareness method. This sparked a conversation though, if something went wrong and I did end up pregnant would that be okay for us – the answer before had always been no. The more we thought about it the more we both realized not only would it be okay, but we’d be really excited and now we both have “baby fever”. I keep waiting for the moment he comes in and tells me he thinks we should stick to our 5 year plan, but he seems as interested as I am.
Lately we’ve both been ready for the next step. He has about a year and a half left for his Phd and while we love our town we are really excited to go somewhere new, is that contributing to this?
I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here. We were both so adamant about waiting to have kids. Maybe we need someone to talk some sense into us? Pros/Cons of waiting? Or maybe this is how it happens, you have your plan but when you’re ready you’re just ready.
Also if anyone has any experience with the Lady-comp fertility monitor, we’d love to hear about it.
Post # 3
@ImaStarr: I don’t have anything to contribute but i just wanted to say that this post made me go “aw” because most of the time I hear of one partner having baby fever and not the other, so the fact that you two are so in sync about it is really something! consider yourselves lucky!!
(And good luck with what you decide :))
Post # 4
Yeah, FI and I (mostly me) are thinking about switching to FAM after marriage.
We aren’t baby crazy, but we both agree that if it happens, it happens.
Actually FI has fantasies about making babies and having children, but he is a destined-to-be-a-dad type for sure.
But having “baby fever” doesn’t mean we’re ready – actually, I usally see it as a sign that we’re being unrealistic and we really aren’t ready yet. WE don’t have enough room in the apartment, we’re both still working on careers, we have a crazy schedule as it is already right now… etc, etc.
Plus, we both have twins in our families, and that’s a rather sobering thought… like if we aren’t ready for one, could we really be ready for two? (the answer is: not right now!)
I think baby fever ebbs and flows… sometimes I want one so badly, usually I don’t. I think being around a baby helps – they’re such a handful! And I always try to remind myself that no matter how happy we’ll be, we will also be exhausted and our lives will center around baby – I haven’t met too many people who aren’t tired after baby. Not that it’s a bad thing, but you have to weigh pros and cons for your life at the moment.
I think it sounds like the two of you need a vacation!
All work and no play… makes the baby sound so appealing for some reason.
Maybe make a goal this summer to take a few crazy weekend getaways? Just as a couple – not as a couple who’s planning on having kids. Does that make sense?
Our goal is to at least wait until marriage for babies to happen. It’s really not so hard to do – we have so much going on in our lives right now, without needing to worry about an additional (extremely dependant!) life!
And oh! I’d love to hear about the lady-comp too.
Post # 5
I think if you are both up for it and really don’t want to do what you had planned, then go for it. But also, make sure you aren’t just crazy about baby, make sure you are going crazy for being a parent and all that entails before jumping in.
Post # 6
@CakeyP: Fraternal or identical twins? It makes a difference.
Fraternal twins seem to run in families, while the probability of identical twins is not linked to heredity.
Post # 7
[comment moderated for trolling]
Post # 8
Fertility starts to decline in late 20’s/early 30’s, but it doesn’t plummet until later, it winds down very gradually through your early 30’s.
There’s a lot of evidence out there that, biologically, you are better off having kids at a younger age – but there’s also a lot of excellent evidence that socially the outcomes are better for women who wait until their mid/late 30’s. Physically it’s harder, but you have better social support networks, financial stability, completed educations, established careers, etc., that benefit your children in second-tier ways (children of older moms score better on some measures of academic achievement because they tend to be in better schools, have regular health insurance coverage and more consistent medical care, etc.)
So there’s really no single right answer on this one. It sounds like edwinia, above, had a good experience as a young mom – but not everybody does. Some older moms have a good experience, others have a terrible time. And none of us has a whole lot of control over when we meet the right partner. Some opt to have children alone or with the wrong partner instead. You have to weigh all those individual factors when you make your decision.
Post # 9
@KCKnd2: Oh! Good point – I never really stopped to consider that.
I believe it’s identical in my family, and I’ll have to ask his mom about her father. Maternal grandfather for both. It’s mostly a running joke between us – both our grandfathers are twins so we joke that it just skipped some generations.
You know, I’ll definately look more into the science of twins now, you’ve got me interested. 🙂 Thanks!
But still, if just the thought of the chance of having twins is enough to keep us grounded for now (you have no idea how excited FI is for kids haha), it works for me! 😛
Post # 10
@CakeyP: We ended up ordering one. I’m excited for it to come!
Thanks for the responses. Our wedding is in August so there will most definitely be no babymaking before then. We both agree we don’t really want to wait 5 years anymore, but I’m not sure how soon it will happen. I’m just happy we’re on the same page.