- 2 weeks ago
- Wedding: December 2011
I’ve come here looking for help. We have been married for 5 years. I’m 34 and my wife is 31. We are struggling with trying to conceive. We have been trying for about a year now.
Three months ago I had two sperm analyses done that revealed very low sperm morphology at 2%. I was devastated at the result and called my mother to talk about how I was really worried about how my wife would take the news. My wife was also worried about her ability to carry a baby.
So we went to see a fertility specialist at an ivf center. He ran a bunch of tests and my wife came up normal. So it’s all down to me. The specialist seemed to think that if we ttc on days 8,10 and 12 will greatly increase the chances. He put me onto a special antioxidant diet of 3 cups fresh orange juiced with pulp, 2-4 cups black tea, 1g vitamin e&c and swimming every 2nd day. After three months, I’ve found it hard to stick to the diet and struggled to find time to swim between work and uni. I have hardly done any swimming and I haven’t lost weight.
We went to see a traditional Chinese doctor and he said we both have problems. Her’s is a temperature problem.
Two nights ago we had a fight before sleep. She gave me a sort of ultimatum. Told me that if I don’t make more effort to swim and be healthy, then in 6 months time she will seriously question our marriage. And after 12 months of not having kids then she might divorce me. Having kids are important to us both. I’ve tried to remain relaxed and told her not to worry because in time we will get pregnant. I was told to make a decision between my nursing studies or her and the property we have invested in.
I’ve told her many times that I can try to balance my time. She won’t consider ivf even though the specialist told us we would have a high chance of having children.
I’m at a loss. It’s created a major divide. Yesterday she had a fight with her team leader at work and switched teams. By the time she came to bed, she was still upset and told me not to touch her. I feel like I’m being punished. It’s not the first time she has behaved like that to me after I’ve not done something or she has fought with someone in her company.
But the 12 month timeframe and refusal to do ivf has me really worried about what my future now looks like. I’m left with the question of whether it is worth investing any more time into setting up our apartment if we are headed towards divorce. I just don’t know if it’s worth trying anymore because of what she said to me.
The exercise will help. I’ve been trying to arrange my next appointment with the personal trainer. She will do a meal planner for me. I cook my own meals most of the time and try my best to look after the home. That gives my wife more time for her job. She works long hours from 10am until 10pm every day. My wife does a little bit if work around the home and eats her food outside at the local Chinese restaurants (She’s Chinese).
I never slept the night she issued the ultimatum. I had uni the next day from 8am to 6pm and I pushed through. One of the main things the doctor recommended was 8 hours sleep. That’s rare for me. I have studies, her coming home late to listen to music etc. Some days I’ll sleep at 1am (including days where I have to get up at 5am for work). My solution is going to be sleeping in another room for the 5am rising.
Anyway, I have a strong conviction towards being married and sticking it out. I told my wife that I married her to stay with her for life. Not to bail out if she can’t have kids. I’d accept it and either adopt or accept it as fate not to have my own. Unfortunately, it appears to be different from her POV. She has given me the impression that she would find another man or donor sperm (I told her that my sperm is still viable and can do ivf which she opposed). Donor sperm will involve ivf as well…i asked her if she was planning to chest on me since she is not interested in ivf. She thinks ivf is painful, her age increases the chance of a ceasarian and that ivf will require her to lie on the bed for 2 weeks afterwards. Not sure where she is getting those facts from because I know that’s all incorrect.
I never imagined that I would have a fertility issue and that it would be a deal breaker. We never discussed much about having kids before marriage. We did discuss if she couldn’t have kids and what to do if she couldn’t. I told her that I wouldn’t move on despite her saying it would be fine to do that. I couldn’t walk away from 10 years of our relationship and our commitment to marriage. Marriage is more important than that. Granted that I haven’t experienced a break up before and haven’t been with any other women. I only know my wife. But it plays on my mind that if she gives up or wants out, then it’s best to respect that choice and not try to hold on to what is dead. We haven’t come to that yet thank God!
But for today she wants to be far away from me on the bed. Not lying up against me like 2 days ago.
Coming back to the 12 month deadline, I just don’t know what to do. Exercise more and hope for the best?
Anyone else going through the struggle of infertility want to send out their thoughts or opinions?
- This topic was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by soul83. Reason: Typing this on my phone and discovered spelling mistakes