Post # 1
Just needing a place to vent my frustrations with my sister, and to get some feedback from neutral people! Does anyone see anything wrong with this scenario:
My fiance and I have been engaged for 7 years. We have been dealing with the challenges that come along with a long distance relationship for all 7 of those years. He lives in a small rural community and farms, and I was attending school, and loving my career. There were no job opportunties in his community, and therefore we never could find the right timing to further our relationship. We even considered parting ways… we loved each other immensly but questioned whether the relationship was right because our career paths were not leading us in the same direction.
Recently things have come together for us… and we were SO incredibly happy and excited to announce to our families that we are setting a wedding date for December 2013! Several days after we announced this, my sister (who is not even engaged yet), says “what if my boyfriend and I get married in October… 2 months before your wedding”.
I was upset by this. Her response was “I don’t know why you are so upset, it was only a passing comment, and we aren’t even engaged yet”. In which case, I feel like why the heck did she even say it then?! Am I being overly sensitive? Or was she out of line?
Post # 3
Aww hugs. I know how you feel my FI and I have had the date set for June 2013 for about 8 months now. Then a couple of weeks ago his brother got engaged and now they are getting married two months before in Italy, which is what we wanted but couldn’t have!!! I am still upset but just having to live with it because have no other choice.I have felt so ridiculous for being upset but FI and I have been planning this wedding for 2 years and had to move it forward due to my Dad being ill. THe brother knows all this and knows that we won’t have the money to attend his either, which we would love to do as we love them both to bits. Just has ended in a huge mess.
I don’t think you are being overly sensitive. A wedding is a special time and sometimes it seems people are purposefully trying to out do you even if thats not what they mean to do.
Just be glad that they aren’t engaged yet and haven’t set the date for then!!!
Post # 4
@amanda2: Oh boy…I’m sorry she said that…I would imagine if your anything like me and my sister, you know each other so well that you could literally predict what they’re wearing that day before you see them….that also means you know how to hurt each other VERY effectively if you are so inclined….I think we’ve got two totally different experiences colliding over one agenda here. Some sisters are VERY competative in certain ways…. You’ve been engaged for quite some time, and maybe your sister had things reconciled in her head, that as long as she got married before you did, she wins…and now that you are setting a date and making it happen, part of her is super happy for you, and at the same time part of her is in a panic because her little “rule” is going to fail…Of course on a conscious level, she knows that’s total crap and it doesn’t matter anyway, but a little insecure part of her is freaking out…and her attempt at levity/confession, kinda upset you…it’s just a theory, but it’s also possible. I get that your upset because that was a little strange for her to say, but imagine what’s going on in her head to make her say it…YIKES!
Post # 5
@amanda2: My sister said something very similar, my response to her was that it would be very silly and petty of her to try rushing to get married before our date just so she could get married before her little sister. She didn’t like that too much.
Post # 6
Thank you ladies for making me feel less crazy 🙂 We are close in age, she is 3 years younger then me. It always feels as though she makes everything into a competition between us, even though I am not competative with her.
We are having a destination wedding, and are still searching for a resort that fits within our budget (we are wanting to keep it under $2000/person for our guests). She has shown excitement for our big day, but has strange comments every now and then. The other day, she told me that no one was going to pay $2000 to come to our wedding.
Post # 7
@amanda2: You know your sister better than us, but maybe she doesn’t always mean her comments to be the way you take them.
Maybe she’s dreaming of being engaged and feeling you out to see how you might feel about her getting married first?
As for the second example, maybe she’s trying to be practical and looking out for you so you don’t get hurt. I have to be honest – I would have to miss my own sister’s wedding if it was going to cost me $2000 to attend. I wouldn’t say “no one” will attend, but for a lot of people that is a TON of money for someone else’s wedding. It seems like your sister realizes this and is trying to prepare you for a large number of declines.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t be mad…..was she saying it as a joke? Maybe she just said to get a reaction out of you.
Post # 9
@amanda2: Personally I don’t see anything wrong with her question. At least she was thoughtful enough to ask not that she even has to in my opinion.
Maybe she and her boyfriend had been discussing engagements and marriage prior to you announcing yours and had settled on October and now you have ruined it for her!