Weddingbee boards

Alright. I'm stumped. And I know this is going to come to a head some day soon, so maybe you all can help prepare me and FI for what is sure to be a big deal.

FI's parents divorced when he was really little. FMIL can barely stand to be in the same room as her ex and I get it. FFIL was not a father figure, never mind a father, at all to either of his sons. Obviously there are a lot of hard, hurt feelings that go back many many years. However FFIL has put out an effort to be a good grandfather to FI's son (my FSS). He's even saved our butts with babysitting a couple times. FFIL is remarried to this rather eccentric and obnoxious (although mostly well meaning) woman who needs to be the centre of attention 24/7. She asked if she could be my bridesmaid and she wasn't kidding. FI has agreed that FFIL and his wife should be at the wedding (big step!) but we've both agreed they would NOT be in the ceremony.

A couple weeks ago we brought FSS to their house for a visit, and FFIL's wife said something about how she and FFIL would be walking down the aisle at our wedding. Ummmmmm awkward. I've told FI that he needs to have a frank discussion with his father about what is going to happen at the wedding and also that they won't be at the rehearsal (not sure what the expectation there was). While I know they are happy for us and their intentions are good, it would break FMIL's heart if they were more involved than they already are, nor do I think either of them deserve to stand up there for FI when he's spent so many years scarred by his childhood.

HOWEVER I don't want to do anything that may risk FSS's relationship with his grandfather and grandmother (step grandmother?!), so I'm trying to figure out a way not to step on any toes. Or as few toes as possible. One thing I thought was maybe FFIL and crazy wife could be seated when grandparents are seated? Not part of the processional like FMIL will be, but maybe they'll think it's a bigger deal than it is? Or maybe I'm kidding myself that they wouldn't see through that... And the rehearsal! How do I get out of inviting them to that?! Ack!!!!  I have happily married parents, I don't know how to deal with divorced parents politics, help!

Bah! Alright. I concede on the rehearsal point. I'm throwing this ball into FI's court though, LOL!